If someone you love is having trouble with depression should you leave them be?

Question

If they dont volunteer information to you about whats bothering them should you say nothing and wait dfore them to come to you when theyre ready? Go on as normal and pretend everything is ok.... Or should you push a little?

Answer 1

You love them enough to ask this question then just leave them. They will come to you when they feel comfortable. It's hard not to take it personally I know but the best thing is to be there and set your own feelings aside. I wouldn't pretend that everything is ok. Let them know you know something is up and when they are ready to talk then you'll listen. Just don't leave and don't push. And most of all don't take it personally.

Answer 2

This is a hard question to answer. Some people no matter how caring you are will not open up to you. They will not admit that they are depressed and will not tell you what's bothering them. If a male, they may not see a doctor or take antidepressants.

I do not recommend antidepressants. There are too many side effects and contra-indications. Some turn you into a zombie. Some make it hard to process thoughts. Some react badly with other medications.

If the other person is a male, see if his best friend can get him to open up to him. Otherwise, just keep loving the person and let them know you are there for them.

You can recommend the person discuss whatever is bothering him/her with someone who may be able to help him/her with the problem. Depression is usually "reactive", that is, in response to something going on in their lives. It becomes clinical depression when the person feels down most of the time, does not feel like doing the normal things and sleeps a lot.

Most people wish to be an "actor" in life and not a "reactor." But, some times things seem to be just too hard and impossible to solve or nasty to deal with.

A person who uses "I should ..., I must ..., I have to ..." is usually a person who feels driven by outside forces and may feel they have lost control. Many people who are depressed become so because they feel they have lost control over circumstances or even their whole life.

Watch the person for symptoms of things getting worse. The person may give away loved possessions, write a will, use sentences that do not include future events, use "if I" instead of "when I," find it difficult to express anything in happy terms, becomes less and less interested in expressing love or demonstrating that love in any way (especially no sex.)

If circumstances seem to be going downhill, try and arrange an "Intervention." A minister of religion he/she respects might help or someone else his/her family or friends may suggest.

You need to push a little but not nag. It's a hard line to draw.

Don't become cloying, clingy or sickenly sweet. It will get on his/her nerves. Use straight forward language. Don't beat around the bush. Don't exaggerate or overstate.

Now you can see why it is so hard to help someone who is depressed.

One thing you can do is ask them if there is any task or tasks you can do to help him/her. Males are task oriented. Any woman appreciates help - unless too proud. Women are more service oriented and more likely to discuss issues and problems.

Many times it would have made my "overload" situation less if someone had offered to physically help me. It would have taken some of the pressure off.

Good luck! I hope you can help you loved one.

Answer 3

Hello :)

I would say that if someone you love is having trouble with depression and cannot talk to you, then he or she should see a counselor who can help. You can get one through your insurance or, if you are not insured, you can go through your local mental health clinics which base their fees on a sliding scale.

Also, I have a few questions for you: Does this person acknowledge his/her depression? If so, that's a good start. Hopefully, he will be more forthcoming with therapy. If she doesn't, however, you have an even bigger problem. Then I would suggest counseling, but for yourself to help you deal with watching someone you love hurt.

Finally, has this person ever spoken to you about the depression? They might not directly "volunteer" information, but that doesn't necessarily mean they don't want to talk. A gentle discussion, in a calm way about the issue, just might get your loved one to open up.

I wish you both well and lots of luck :)

Answer 4

My sense is, first you have to determine how well you are mentally and emotionaly. It takes a lot of stamina, love and patients to help a person diagnosed with depression. My answer lies between pushing and letting the person go on their own.

A person depressed needs someone. That person has to be there for them to talk with, maybe to tenderly suggest going out on some kind of activity(something light and not very complicated). Taking walks are excellent for talking and relieving the tension that builds in a depressed persons mind from the inactivity that goes along with depression.

If the person does not want to do anything then just visit. Another person's personality causes the person you are trying to help to make an attempt at interaction which replaces depressed thoughts.

You being there helps a depressed person from feeling that they are alone and no one cares. After all humans are social beings.

Answer 5

In most cases you should push a little. A lot of times once you get them to open up a little the flood gate will open. It help to talk about things when you are depressed but a lot of times it has to be gently forced out of you. If this has been going on a Long time it could be time for an antidepressant, at least for a while.

Answer 6

I'd push, but not to hard. There is treatment that is available and that is effective. They need medical care and I would certainly encourage them to seek medical care. You may have to get them going, meaning after you receive their permission, call and make an appointment for them and even take them to their first appointment but then wean them off of your assistance.
Equate it to somebody with a broken leg. Obviously you would assist with getting an ambulance or taking them to the hospital. And you would tend to them for a short while during the initial stages of infernment at least. Then the patient would ideally learn to function at higher levels as days and weeks progressed. Eventually they would no longer need to depend on you.
If you stay, and that is a personal decision, I would learn what to expect in terms of progress and at times, regress. They will have ups and downs, and this is a bad time of year for people who live with depression, so keep that in mind.
So to your question, again, equate it to a broken leg. Would you leave them? Or would you do what you could and then if they showed no progress, but continued their dependency upon you, would you now have a new decision?
Also, any kind of relationship is going to have obstacles and challenges, leaving someone who has an untreated mental illness has to many variables to be decided in this forum. Seek a qualified medical professional for help for you and them. Millions of people live happy productive lives with a mental illness, so it is not an automatic "out".

I wish you luck and if you like, e-mail me through the server and I'll assist you, at least initially.

Peace.

I'm sorry, I misread the question a bit. You didn't say leave them, you said leave them be. Big difference. But most of my message is applicable, so I'll leave it be. Peace.

Answer 7

I have heard people use this as an attention getter. They are wanting attention without asking for it. I AM NOT SAYING I AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THIS.

As a depressed person, my advise for you. If you know someone that is depressed. Just OFFER them your support. Tell them you will be there for them if they need someone to talk too.

Try to help them keep their mind off what is bothering them if possible.

It could be that they are hoping for support from the person that least suspects something is wrong.

Answer 8

It depends on what you think the depression is about... if you think its really serious and they have a history of depression or if you think they have a chance of hurting themselves in anyway... then yes push to help them. on the other hand, if you think the depression is just them being over dramatic or stuck in a rut - then you pushing wouldnt really help much. Either way be there for them so if/when they do feel like disclosing thier feelings, they know that you are there for them to open up to.

Answer 9

Let them come to you and talk when/ if they feel able to. Just offer your support and tell them you will be there. Don't pretend its not there, but rather acknowledge it and then give them the space they need.

Don't assume that all depression is reactive, (although most is)
because there are cases where it is caused by a neurological chemical imbalance.

Answer 10

If you really love this person (friend or more, doesn't matter) I think that no matter what, you should be there for that person. As far as pushing them to talk or to do something, no, because when their truely ready, they'll do something. Pushing them may push them away. Be there for them, ready to listen, without judgment, whenever their ready, then go from there.