problem is I am newly wed living with my daughter who my new husband is great with and excepts but he isnt happy that my 20 year old son has moved in and is doing nothing but sit around all day. Love my son to bits and dont want to chuck him out but its causing problems between my and my lovely husband. any suggestions?
2006-10-20 00:24:40 · 25 answers · asked by honey10 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
thank you all. My new Hubby has been very supportive of my son and put up with him flopped in front of the tv for two months now. he has helped him draw up a cv. My son greatly respects my hubby and likes him,so no jealousy there. some very good advice given thanks all.
2006-10-20 20:47:56 · update #1
give your son a month to find somewhere else to live and MEAN IT...my son was like that...spent all night on the internet and all day sleeping..would not go and look for a job, my fault for allowing it....so i got the Internet cut of....dragged him out of his room....packed a bag and threw him out i know it's mean but i had to do it before i went insane, there are jobs out there but your son is lazy he needs to wake his *** up and go find a job....now my son has got a great job...his own place and his own Internet....give him some tough love hun...it does work....don't have him lounging around the place all day...it can become frustrating....do what i did....give him some tough love...he'll soon wake up....he's 20 now and should have his own place...if you don't do something about it then he will continue sitting round...you and your hubby will fight, plus now this man is your hubby...he has a right to say something to your son....do it for him...he has to know where he stands....maybe your hubby can get him a job in his work place.....if not just get him out of his bed and make him go get a job, unless of course you want to fight with your hubby all the time
2006-10-20 00:37:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, your husband should be accepting 2 children, not one. Secondly, at 20 yrs old, your son should be made to look for a job. Give him 6 months and say if no job by then, that he will have to leave. Each month ask for an update on the job search. Sometimes a mom's gotta give "tough love" to her kids, whether they want to or not. Don't want your son to turn into a 40-something lazy butt still sitting on your couch, now do you? Give him incentives, but before you do much, tell your new husband to back off and give him some room. Kids ALWAYS come first, no matter what the age.
2006-10-20 00:32:24 · answer #2 · answered by GirlinNB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that Your Husband should be supportive. After all at 20 it's hard to get job and to keep going every morning to look for jobs. Your son need help as much as your daughter even being 20 it's not easy. You husband should talk to him help him to get a job, do his CV, be supportive then once the communication is established then he should be given a reasonable deadline to agree with. Your son also need to know that even after the dead-ling you both will be there for him. After all he is your son and your husband knew that you had a son before marring you so he should be fully supportive with everything who comes with your life and your son is part of it . The fact he is 20 its not an excuse to get rude of him.. And lets face it.. More & more youngster need their parents even with having a job it's nothing wrong ith living with parents. then later on once he has build trust in himself he will fly away his onw way. Good luck anyway.
2006-10-20 00:58:31 · answer #3 · answered by Jayceeuk 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well no offense, but your son is your son. You should love him and be there for him no matter what. Whether your "new lovely husband" loves him or not. Because honestly if my mother said to me what you just said I would totally think that she cared more about her husband than me.
Just talk to him and tell him he needs to do something constructive/productive with a time, like getting a job. Don't base it on the fact that the new man in your life doesn't like the fact that he doesn't have a job.
2006-10-20 01:29:16 · answer #4 · answered by Mimi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very frustrating losing a job, i suggest you sit down with your son and discuss his future, find out what work he want's to do. Explain that it's causing problems with you and your husband. A similar thing happened to my friend but her son didn't know that he'd caused it and was more upset.
If this doesn't work post his CV on an online job site and find a job for him
Good luck
2006-10-20 00:33:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't blame your husband, your son should either be in school full time and working part time or have a fulltime job by now as well as paying you and your husband some kind of rent, at 20 he is an adult and should be contributing financially for his room and board, if he chooses not to I suggest you and your husband show him the door.
2006-10-20 02:57:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh I hear you....I lost a man to my son....he's 26 and 5 yrs ago, I left my ex because he would no longer let my son live with us...
Today, my son is just as lazy, if not more so, and so manipulative it's unreal....
I know it's hard, but son has to do something or leave....believe me, he will get along, my son told me he was doing fine when he had no place to live, no food, nothing but his car....he was doing fine...and it was me that left because I wanted my son to have a place to live..
I am alone to this day, no man wants a young man in their lives that can't work...especially if that man is a hard worker and sees this kid just sitting around doing nothing....
I know, I see my kid sit around all the time, and it infurriates me...only I don't have a new partner to worry about....or a daughter that sees what her brother is getting away with....
I wish you luck....I feel your pain....oh so well....I can't make mine leave....I left because he had no place to go.
I love my son too...only now it's not love that can help him....it's time for him to grow up....ya ok...like that's gonna happen...he's been out of work for over a year now....I bug him daily about a job....he says there are none...
kids...so glad I only have one...they say be there for your kids, but to what extent?
I wish I had the nerve to throw him out....he makes me THAT mad!!!
take care....be well!!
2006-10-20 02:11:26 · answer #7 · answered by Babsygirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, what they do in the U.S. is make unemployment worse than the worst job. Take the T.V., video games (if any), and computer out of his room. Tell him that on the days he looks for a job, he can be rewarded by relaxing after 8 p.m.
Help him put together a resume, and make a plan with mini deadlines in between. Equally as important, don't ruin a future relationship by losing your cool.
2006-10-20 00:29:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I’m not surprised he’s not happy there is food heating etc to consider and your husbands paying for it all, your son is old enough to go out and get a job not scrounge off of your income tell him to get a job or he will have to think about finding somewhere else to live (because even if he gets dole money they wont give you any rent because you are related). I have had to have a serious word with my own son, its hard but he’s old enough to stand on his own two feet.
2006-10-20 00:31:15 · answer #9 · answered by carla s 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask your son what his plans for the future are. i gave my son an ultimatum - told him to get a job or go back into full time education. He got a job.
He is your son and providing he isn't rude or obnoxious, your husband should support you. Few young men will willingly live with their parents and once the poverty kicks in, he'll do something to start earning.
2006-10-20 00:32:12 · answer #10 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋