HELP!!!! Problem with parents..........?

Question

Well im 18 and i just started my freshmen year in college, before when i was in high school my parents expected me to get home clean the house and cook dinner ( my sis helped me clean, but i did the cooking) , now that im in school my dad is always on my back about getting home ASAP, and cleaning and cooking, my mom she understands more, but since she doesnt want to deal with my dafs complainst and bit**ing, she takes his side and tells me that im too lazy and i need to do thing better and stop being so lazy! And on top of that they never let me go out, i mean i know there still have to be some boundaries, but geezze!! my curfew is freakin 10:30 pm the latest! I feel overwhelmed, and very pist off because my dad specially is always telling me youre lazy, u never do anything right, etc, i mean we have never had that great of a relationship cause hes always makin fun of me and hes the type of man who want it his way or no way! What should i do im fed up!!

I tell em i do want to move into a dorm, but they just tell me im crazy and that its a waste of money cause i will be in debt, they just blow me off pretty much

MY MOM IS A SECRETARY FOR AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL SO SHE GETS HOME AROUND 4:30PM AND SHES REALLY TIRED, SO THATS WHY I TRY TO HELP, BUT I FEEL SO OVERWHELMED CAUSE I KNOW I HAVE TO HELP HER, BUT I MYSELF DO GET TIRED TO, ANDMY DAD SAYS THAT IM JUST LAZY AND INCONSIDERATE, MY DADS A CONSTRUCTION WORKER.

I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO LOOK FOR A JOB, BUT SINCE MY PARENTS STILL WANT TO DRAG ME EVERYWERE THEY GO, THIS DECEMBER THEY ARE GOING OUT OF THE COUNTRY AND THEY ARE MAKING ME GO, SO I CANT GET A JOB CAUSE I WOULD ONLY WORK FOR A MONTH THEN HAVE TO LEAVE.

Answer 1

Well, Mayra, it sounds like you do try to do the right thing.

First off, no, you are not going to be able to change this situation. Apparently, your education is important to Mom and Dad and they are working their butts off to provide this. You can see what you can do to take some of the pressure off. Look into scholarships and grants. See link below.

I don't think you qualify for financial aid due to parents' income.

Maybe conversation with your sister will help. I know you've got the housework split up. Maybe she'd be willing to do the houswork and you just do dinner and dishes.

You cannot manipulate other people's behavior. However, you may be able to influence it. When you speak with your family, speak with respect. Respond to what they are saying, do not react. Take a breath, think of what you want to say, and say it calmly and respectfully. You are teaching Respect. If someone speaks to you disrespectfully you can say, " I don't speak to you like that......Why would you speak to me like that?"
And they have to think.

As far as Trust goes, apparently you are where you say you are going to be when you are supposed to be there. You pull decent grades. You come home on time. All this should earn you some trust on their part.

Keep up your routine until January. You're right, now is not the time to start a job. You can, however, do some searches and do your resume'. (Even if all you say is that you have been in school. Make note of the fact that you maintain your home and prepare the meals. )
Search Your State Department of Labor, Your Local Newspaper for job openings online. Make up your cover letter including a starting date. You can line something up for when you return.

As far as I can see, you can stay in college, take the tuition money and continue on this path. Or you can make a step toward independence, and you need to check with financial aid and your guidance counselor at school, and possibly blow your financial support.

I know it is a lot. How much do you value your education? I'm 48 and I struggle with the job market due to not having finished college. Your earning power increases dramatically with a degree.

You may want to have conversation regarding the curfew. (See Respect.) Choose a time you feel is reasonable and sit with your parents over the weekend. (Weekdays sound rough.) Explain to them about how you maintain your school and home responsiblilites. Ask if it would be possible for you to start making the decision regarding what time you should be home. Ask if they will trust your judgement.

Your parents still view you as a child. Try to project the person you are becoming, a young adult. Make responsible decisions. Advise yourself as you would your best friend, and follow through.

Try to reduce the drama in your life. Dump the backstabbing girl friend. Dump the guys who can't say no to inappropriate behaviors. Look for someone who can treat you and your relationship with respect.

Once you determine whether or not you can pay for college yourself or at least help, then you can see what your next options are. See if you can't get some leeway with the curfew. Keep communications to a minumum for now and don't bring up subjects that cause misery. If a conversataion is heading south then just say, "I can't talk about this right now." and end the conversation.

Oh, and take a look at your schedule. See where your overloaded times are. Ask if it would be possible to order dinner in on overload days.

You know you won't be there forever. See what your time line is. If you have two years to finish and then want to continue your education, how will you do that? Make sure the tools for independence are in place, car, income, bank accounts.....

Try not to panic. You're putting a good foundation in place. Find your path.

Answer 2

First of all, if he's telling you you never do anything right, make sure you don't blindly let his opinion affect the opinion you have of yourself. Don't think that just because he says so, you're a lazy, good-for-nothing bum. I've seen that destroy people before... :-(

Do you live on campus or at home? I would try to keep a bit of distance rather than fighting them. Tell them that you're sorry you can't be home more often, but you're in college now and you have studies and other responsibilities that you have to take care of. As for the 10:30 curfew, that *is* rather harsh. Have you tried reasoning with them? Try talking to them about their expectations of you. The trick, though, is if you get angry, or lose your temper, you look immature and are LESS likely to get what you want. If you really can't stay calm when talking to them (i have a really nasty temper occasionally too), put it in writing or something. Write them a letter explaining rationally and reasonably why you need more freedom as a college student. Just make sure you don't whine or sound immature, and you'll be a lot more likely to get your way. "But everyone else gets to stay out til 2 am" generally isn't a convincing reason. Proving that you're responsible, trustworthy, and acting like an adult is a lot more convincing. Do chores without complaining for awhile to prove you're not lazy, then try asking. Might help a lot.

Answer 3

Why is your Mother not cleaning the house? Did she go to college? What does she do with all of her time? If she's off her *** and making money then maybe she should think about telling your dad to hire a maid. You are 18 and can move out on your own...Is the dorm an option? Schedule any lab time or library time for the specific hours that your family expects you to play Cinderella...Do this to keep from being there for them to push around. Your Dad sounds like an a$$...you got into college and that makes you far better than over half of the population...Tell me, what if any degree does he have? You are a grown woman now and need to get that point across to your parents. Find a small inexpensive flat of your own...or move in with your favorite Auntie...
Know anyone who has a guest house? If so...ask if you can rent it. See if you qualify for student housing and so on. There are many programs out there that can help you pay your rent and utilities if you are a full time student. Best wishes to you...

Answer 4

Well, for one your father sounds like an abuser and you need to get out of there. In the U.S.A you are a legal adult at 18 years old and they can NOT force you to leave, stay, or anything. If they physically drag you out of the house when they leave, it's kidnapping.
Does your father do anything around the house? It sounds like he's the lazy one.
Get a job. Go to the dorm. Or even a cheap apartment on your own. You'll have to do chores there too, but you won't be picking up after 4 + people unless you have idiot roomies.
Get out. ASAP.

Answer 5

I hate to say it, but until you either move out or get a place on campus your parents are gonna always try to run your life. It sucks I know. For now you're just gonna have to suck it up and do what they tell you. The worst thing you could do is rebel and risk the chance of losing your parents trust because if you do they would never agree to letting you get your own place. The best thing you could try is getting them on your side by telling them you're struggling with school because of your hectic schedule. Perhaps they will be more understanding if you use that excuse.

Answer 6

Hmm...I think getting job would a good excuse. You will have more money to spend, you can show how responsible you are with this and show how you are not a child they think anymore.

Sure it may be hard when you have to college, but hey, you live your life only once! If your parents doesn't like whatever you do, it's better for you to do whatever you like to do! As long as you don't permnantly scar your life or hurt yourself, it will be fine. They will eventually get what you are trying to do even it takes all of their lives.

Answer 7

I'm sure you have already make some effort to complete this problem but your effort haven't suceed, is it?. To complete this problem, you must be patient, pray to wish this problem will be complete as soon as possible and explain what is your problem to your dad. Do your best! If these effort/method haven't suceed, don't feel bad and don't give up, there is still another method to complete this problem. You still can ask your teacher, friend(classmate) or anyone(in the same school) to help you to explain your problem(by phone, letter, head to head, etc). I think this method will be sucess. But remember! If this problem sucess, you still have to help your parents when you have time or when you are not doing anything. Do your best and good luck!

Answer 8

sounds like you need to get a job which will keep you out of the house more. .
save the money for dorm life

Answer 9

Move into a dorm and out of the house.

Answer 10

Move - otherwise it is there house, as much as I hate to say that to you.....you do not seam lazy!!

Curious are you dealing with old world parents? Asian culture or some other cultures are very sticked with there children, and breaking culture is very hard.