I have a very controlling and abusive boyfriend, we've been together for over a year and I'm starting to fear him. I love him, but lately, I started talking to a new guy, I can tell he likes me and I wouldn't mind starting up a relationship with him, but my boyfriend has told me (more than once) that if I leave he'll track me down, beat me, and kill whoever I was with. I don't know what I should do, leave him or be afraid?
2006-10-19 17:50:17 · 41 answers · asked by Kate M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
no matter what, you definitely can't stay with the abusive boyfriend. i'm a lawyer and used to do free temporary restraining orders for battered women. no matter what, you must leave that situation. if he doesn't have a criminal past that involves assaulting or killing people, then my guess is that he is blowing smoke and would never do anything to hurt you or your new guy if you left. i have girlfriends who were afraid to leave guys that claimed they were going to kill themselves if the girl left (the girls didn't want to feel guilty). it was all a ploy to get the women to stay, suicide was never attempted.
if you leave him, don't make a big dramatic production about it or you're baiting him to get upset. if you live with him, whatever day you want to leave talk to him and have a male friend or family member waiting right outside (doors unlocked) or in another room to escort you safely away. if you don't live with him, then a phone call is enough. you are not obligated to do a face to face break up, especially not when he's emotionally and/or physically abusive.
2006-10-19 18:00:30 · answer #1 · answered by ca belle 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well just leave him neways, chances are he is full of ****, but either way you must move, and then see what happens. If he begins to act crazy call the police everytime and report it, eventually when he does enough crazy things you can get a restraining order on him and then he will not be allowed anywhere near you. Also you said he is abusive, did you mean physically? Because if he is already physically abusive than you can go get a restraining order on him now. Either way make sure that he doesnt know where you have moved to or that you were moving at all. And change your phone number and email address. Then like I said if he starts stalking/bugging you call the police, EVERYTIME for EVERY LITTLE THING, untill you can get hte restraining order. Although I gotta tell you I was in this position a few years ago and most of the threats were bogus! he did try and bother me tho, he was stalkn me and threatening so I got a restraining order and WALA never had neproblems with him again. So this is what you should do AND BTW do try not to let him know there is someone else, that would aggravate him even more. GOOD LUCK SWEETY! Just make sure you get outa that situation ASAP!!!! also if you are really and truly scared for your life they have women's shelters where you can hide out for a while...But that is just a last resort. Either way get outa that situation asap!
2006-10-19 18:05:28 · answer #2 · answered by cuteness 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you have to realize that he does not love you. Any man who hits you and controls you don't love you. You are better than that and deserve better. If you stay with him you will live in fear forever, you can break free if you want to. Have you mentioned his abuse to anyone like your parents, a counsler, the police? That was a pretty serious threat he made to you. Maby once you break up you should look into a restraining order. Remember that you are a queen and should be treated as such and who ever can not treat you as you should be treated should be let go.
2006-10-19 17:57:51 · answer #3 · answered by ltonyasfun 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should leave him that is not a good thing at all especially if he makes threats like that. I know what it is like to be the abusive bf because I used to be one and controlling and all that but I stopped because my gf gave me another chance. However I never threatened her life or anyone elses. Don't be affraid of him and do something about it before it is too late and you get really hurt by just staying with him and also by missing out on real relationships.
2006-10-19 17:54:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your family and friends what you're going through, I'm sure they can help you leave him. Get a personal protection order against him. You need to get out of this relationship like yesterday! Don't forget to tell the cops that he has threatened to kill you! Never ever settle for an abusive man! Your life is too precious to risk it on the "love" of a man! LOVE DOES NOT HURT!!
2006-10-19 17:57:05 · answer #5 · answered by bettywitdabigbooty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, that's why there's restraining orders. You TALK to authorities and people who can help you, so that way scum like that can go straight to jail. OR you can just look for somebody to whoop his *** since he's punkish enough to beat on women. You don't have love, cause he's too insecure to show true love. You can't love him, unless you like being a drama queen and you feed of the negative energy. So by all means, go after the guy, find a restraining order, and find a better way to live life.
2006-10-19 18:36:24 · answer #6 · answered by Dennis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it sounds like you know you need to get out of the situation. No matter how much you love somebody, your life is more important in that sort of situation. The only thing that I can think of is if you're going to pursue the other guy, you need to get your abusive boyfriend on to someone else. That's the only thing I've seen that works. I hope that things work out really good for you. If you can you should tell your friends around you who really understand the situation....I mean, REALLY understand the situation enough to help you.
2006-10-19 17:53:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here is what I suggest...
A) Leave him... today!
B) Plan on calling the cops if he attempts to contact you.
C) Don't start a new thing with a new guy. Talk, date once in a while... but keep your distance a little. You are vulnerable right now.
D) Give yourself time to recoup from the abusive bf.
Good luck and stay safe!
2006-10-19 17:54:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find a way to get out as soon as possible whether there is a new guy or not. I don't think restraining orders work—they just make goofy men goofier. Try to subtly agree with him how right he is to be disappointed in you and try to get it to be his idea that you break up. Like with vampires never let him back into your home or your life—he was "absolutely right" in being dissatisfied with you. Take a look at yourself as to why you would hook up with an abusive man. Women tend to blame themselves saying that they deserve abuse because they knew that what they said or did would upset their partner—this is way wrong. Someone who is abusive and threatening is in the wrong!
2006-10-19 18:02:39 · answer #9 · answered by DrB 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Run...get away from this person. Notify law enforcement that this person is making threats. You need to seek some support from friends and family. If you don't have anyone to rely on, call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) which is the national domestic abuse hotline. Their website is http://www.ndvh.org/
Just think - if the person is this terrible to you while you are dating, what can the future hold? More misery. Drama is not love, so get away from this person.
2006-10-19 17:52:37 · answer #10 · answered by Myra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋