I don't know what to think or do?

Question

Today my neighbor and I were making tamales. She brought over her 9yr old daughter and her 1yr old son. I have a 2yr old son and a 3mo old daughter. While we were cooking the kids were down stairs playing in my son's play room (We have a tri-level). Her 9yr old started screaming and crying and said that my 2 year old bit her, I ran downstairs to get my son and ask him why he would do that cause it is totally out of his character and he is down there with his pants pulled down and he is crying, I asked him why he was crying and he said (blank) pulled down my pants and she is crying............so i was all freaked out cause he bit her real bad, it was instantly purple! I couldn't even think, i was embarassed because my son bit her and I was SHOCKED that he would do such a thing because he always gets bullied by his cousin and he has never once hit him back.........so why would he bite her? After he left he told me again, "Mommy, (blank) pulled down my pants and I started crying, because.

why would a 2 year old make something up like that? So now I feel bad because i yelled at him for biting her when he was just defending himself........I told him to never ever let anyone touch his privates and I feel like such a horrible mother, because how could something like that happen under my nose and what if he wouldn't have bit her? What would she have done? and why is she doing that? I'm just freaked out by the whole situation! Please I need advice to understand this....

Well what concerns me is that he is 2, not even 2 1/2 yet and she is 9, she should know not to do that to people...

and then i was crying and all paranoid and I asked him if she went in his diaper and he said no, and he said, i'm ok, mommy, i gave her a spanking.......i'm gonna cry OMG

well I said something when i came up with my son but her daughter instantly denied it and said she was just laying on the floor and he bit her for no reason and I just can't believe that because we teach him not to hit or do violent things to people, especially because we have a 3mo old...so my husband just said not to pursue it and thank god that he was smart enough to understand when i told him to never let anyone touch his no-no spots and if she complains and says how horrible my son bit her daughter.....then sit her down and talk to her, but it is just so akward cause we are pretty good friends and our husbands are too....and I did think, OMG has she been abused but my husband told me not to even go there cause then we will just cause problems between them.....

Answer 1

I would not trust her to be alone with him again. It sounds like she was trying to do something to him. I hate to think that, but that's exactly what it sounds like. Maybe she is being abused by someone and thinks it is normal, or maybe she is allowed to watch TV with no parental supervision and sees this kind of thing on TV. Don't leave her alone with your son if they come over again! I would ignore your husband's advice on this. The safety and well-being of your children is A LOT more important that outside friendships!

Answer 2

OMG I'd be freaked out too! First of all, I would NEVER invite them over again and I would definitely NEVER let the 9 year old be around my kids without me being right next to him. Something is not right with that child! I don't know how close your friendship with your neighbor is, but I would back away from that association altogether. Just tell your son that, while biting is not acceptable, it IS okay if someone exposes or touches him in private places. Apologize for yelling at him before getting his side of the story. ( Whenever something goes down with my kids, I get all parties concerned together and they take turns telling their side of things.) Let him know that if anything like this ever happens, he must come to you immediately and tell you what's going on. The poor little guy probably thinks it's his fault that you're so upset so put his mind at ease. Tell him that the only reason you're upset is because what the other child did was so wrong. I would also tell him to stay away from those neighbors from now on ('cause that is just sick!) because a 9 year old should definitely know better than to do such a thing.
I'm so sorry this happened to you guys.

Answer 3

Okay Mom-
First- Calm down
Everyone is okay now and its you that is the most upset now.

The 2yr could not have communicated NO any clearer than by biting her. So he was actually defending himself and did a really good job. I would have not have scolded him so, yet that's over now. Re teach the rules- if anything happens Scream Mommy or what ever. He needed to know- he was NOT wrong. Encourage him to accept that this was the one and only bite .

The 9 yr is at the age of being sexually curious, (abuse or not) she has been exposed to sexual information. It could be just TV, these days. Show me yours, I'll Show you mine is VERY common for 7-10 and you have to watch them. How ever I would set down some ground rules for her in your home and speak to her mother about it.

I would advise having the kids in closer range next time. Or have the 9yr old helping with the tamales- I was at age 7 in the kitchen every holiday season.


Calm down Mom- seriously- the entire thing is getting bigger by the minute. IT was just a simple thing. Details don't matter- really they don't! Everyone was okay and you were there. A bite heals, and both kids learned a lesson. Drop it. Seriously or you will be freaky for weeks.

Answer 4

Hey there,

I can see there is a variety of shock etc in the answers here !

Please don't worry to much about this or try to read too much into it.
I expect your 2 year old is telling the truth as he sees it.
I expect the 9 year old is concealing the truth as they know it will land them in trouble.
This is most likely a simple case of exploration and is a natural part of growing up.
Of course no one can discount the subject of abuse and obviously if you do suspect this you should contact social services.
But I think this is not needed (from what you have said)
If the two kids had been similar ages and the same sex how would you feel about this ?
I think the sensible approach it to be a little more supervisory when there are older children around. 2 year olds are not usually very sensible and a 9 year old is not really mature enough to watch them that carefully.

I hope you find these answers helpful !

Answer 5

Your son was just protecting himself and thank god you had taught him too do that!! All parents should do this at a early age but most don't.
The 9 yr old might be being abused in some way, you might want too watch for signs from her, It's never right too just ignore it if you think a child is being abused.But since you are close friends with this couple, maybe you can just keep a close watch on this little girl when whe is around ..I don't think I would ever leave her alone with any of my kids again though. You're a good Mom, and you should feel proud of yourself and your son.

Answer 6

I agree with Ryan's mom. I would let the 2year old know that it is not okay to bite, but it is okay to say no when someone does something that makes him uncomfortabel and run to mom or dad and tell them what happened. I wouldn't bring it up too much after that to the 2 year old, because you don't want to tramatise him...after all, it wasn't that bad unless she actually touched him. I would not leave the kids alone while visiting again. The 9 year old is obvioulsy the reason for your 2 year old biting. She is a little too curious to be around kids alone.
If your friend asks why don't you want to leave the kids alone with the 9 year old, simple say well, kids need to have adult supervision to make sure they don't do anything they shouldn't.

Answer 7

When I was growing up, this kind of thing happened all the time. A neighbor kid might pull down another neighbor kid's pants, or some little kid would bite another little kid.... This is not highly unusual behavior when it happens on occasion.

Kids are curious, and I doubt the 9 yo daughter is some child predator. But if you make too big a deal of it, then it can be traumatic, not for what happened, but for the way you reacted to it. Keep a closer eye on the kids, that should make you feel better, too.

You never know... he could have bitten her because she pulled his pants down, but I don't think that's the kind of thing that would really bother a 2 year old... Possibly he bit her first, and all she could think of to do to punish him was to pull down his pants... maybe like for a spanking.

You can't expect a 2 year old to give an accurate account of what happened, and usually a 9 year olds description of events is quite different than what really happened as well.

Don't worry yourself over it. Keep an eye on things, and look for potential patterns of behavior.

Answer 8

you did right by telling him not to let anyone touch him there. i find it hard to believe that a two year old would make up such a story. i think that you should sit him down and apologize for getting on to him, this way he won't be hesitant to do it again if this should ever happen again. as far as the nine year old i would not approach the subject with her folks because it would cause alot of problems just don't allow the two children to be together unsupervised

Answer 9

Children bite. That part is normal. I'm not too proud to say that when I was young, I bit my sister on her breast, not realizing how much pain I would cause her.
But why did she pull down his pants? Was she touching his private parts? That is not good at all, you need to talk to her, despite everything she is denying. She needs to learn that they are called private parts because they are not to be touched or harmed! It's very personal, even at a young age!! It's disrespectful. (and yes, I know I did the same to my sister)

Answer 10

did you talk to the mother of the 9 year old about this? The 9 year old may be being abused? Maybe she has been force to do something and by that she either thought it was right to do what she did or was crying out for help. Things are not always as simple as they seem.