I am the second wife of my husband and I feel terrible at first I didn't know he has a first wife. after three years of dating we get married not realising I'm the second one. Now everything is revealed and I'm going into too much details. But it is painful and decietful to share with other woman your husband. I'm contemplating to leave him because I feel he loves his first wife more than I do this could be manifested in the sense that he's buying expensive things to the 1st and for me just the cheap ones. I feel I'm wortheth and I couldn't stand it anymore. I'm so jealous and mentally tortured over stressed and it feels like i'm killing myself softly. advice please
thanks
2006-10-19 16:47:53 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Leave him. This relationship is not good for you. I am speaking to you as a muslim woman. He is supposed to be treating the both of you equally, but what's worse is that he did not do his islamic duty by consulting with you first. He sinned big time, and even in the Quran he is told that it is better for him to have one wife becuase he can not even be fair with that one. What he did was wrong. And he hid it from you, also unislamic. You have rights. You have the right, islamically, to leave and he will be duty bound islamically to STILL support you even when you are not together. Any children you have belong to you and you have the first right to custody of them. This is bad. Sister, please get out of there. If he did this in the beginning, I can assure you it will get much worse. ALso, if he has kept secrets, how do you know this is the only one?
2006-10-19 17:08:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
My soon-to-be ex-husband still swears he does not have his first wife in the middle east. I have a photo of the two of them together and two different family members told me that he has kids with her younger than our marriage. He had found excuses yearly when he visited his country leaving me here in the US.
She got a house built for her, I was moved into a small apartment into a rough neighborhood. I still feel betrayed by him. Our marriage is over basically because he could not live the lie once I was sure of my suspicions. He still maintains his lies even though he claims to be religious.
I cannot give you advice because there are so many restrictions for women in Islam.. Do you have children with him? Would you be able to survive without his support? Is your family open-minded enough to give you enough support to start a new life?
If you are looking for people to tell you how to accept being wife #2, I am not the person to do that. He was dishonest to begin with because you should have been told the truth before you agreed to marry him. how can you trust a man who leads a double life? I can't.
I hope I have not been too harsh. I know exactly how you feel. It is horrible. I wish you good luck no matter what you decide.
2006-10-20 00:06:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
He should have been honest with u from the beginning, he deceived u when he didn't tell u he was married, he is not an honest person.. then after u got married he didn't even treat u as he treats his first wife! That is not right, u shouldn't live under this stress it will kill u.. If u have children then try to work things out, talk to him and tell him how u feel and who knows? may be things will be better in the end.. If u don't have children then u r more free to make the choices u want..
2006-10-20 01:45:33 · answer #3 · answered by Isis 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Oh I do feel sorry for your bad fate.You have been cheated by unhonest man and you did not be aware before get married with him to collect all kind information about him'In Islamic teaching a man can get married with the maximum 4 wives if he is a qualified man :
1)he has a financial capabillity to maintain orderly and happily more than one wife and more than one family
2)he has a true reason for searching other wife such as his first wife is unfertile so she can not give birth for a child and it is proven by a doctor's cetificate
3)the first wife gave him a a written permission to get married with the second wife
4)he can practice a fair treatment to all of his wives and their children.But according to Allah in holy Qur'an no man can prac- tice justice and fairness in a well condition,because justice or fairness not only lies on the similar distribution of money income and things but also the same love feelings. in his heart and gesture and behaviour
So I advice to you :
1)discuss it delibersately with your husband frankly and honestly what is your ill feeling
2)tell him that he will hard to be a fair and justice husband to all of his wives
3)tell him that you will appeal of divorce.It is better if you discuss it early with your parents before you ask for a divorce.,because your family should know it and be as a witness especially your father.
I think you got married with him not in KUA(marriage office for muslim and muslima) .Your marriage is called a siri marriage or informal marriage which was held secretly.Your marriage was not written and recorded in KUA and you did not receive a marriage certificate or book as an evidence.If you have kids you can not claim his heir as a legal children of your husband.You and your kids are in the very weak position and you get a losser..
2006-10-20 00:42:23 · answer #4 · answered by ? 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He should not have married you without telling about the other wife.
If he is doing what you say he is not even being a just husband to you both and he suppose to be. Everything is suppose to be equal. If it is not then you have the right to divorce. You owe it to yourself to find a man that will treat you right.
This is why I told my husband that he would not have a second wife.
2006-10-19 23:57:48 · answer #5 · answered by Layla 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
and why,why would you expose this most intimate of situations with people you dont know? is there no center,sister groups in your masjid?no imam? how about Quran and sunnah?and if your for real you should know that most additional marriages take place Because of the first wife.and indeed i know.and if not dont you have enough concern of your own life to make you indifferent to others?why play? life is serious.
2006-10-20 00:03:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
Dear Sister, this is a great test for you and may Allah (SWT) help you in this time of need. Ameen!
2006-10-20 00:21:09 · answer #7 · answered by Muslim 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
try talking to him about how you are feeling and see if he can change, if not then you can get a divorce!!! if he can't handle two wives he shouldn't have two in the first place and God will sure judge him.
stay safe and good luck.
2006-10-19 23:51:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Well, ya gotta love that honesty for letting you know about the other woman. Flee. (Watch your back.)
2006-10-19 23:53:46 · answer #9 · answered by Red neck 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you got involved with a man who you really don't know...If it is that bad then do what you have to do,,but watch next time who you want to spend your life with...
2006-10-19 23:52:21 · answer #10 · answered by I give you the Glory Father ! 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋