When my husband and I take her a place called Kindergym with all sortes of kids to play with ( she is 3 1/2 by the way) all she does is cling to us and when we try to make her play with the other kids she crys. We cant get her to do anything. Is it just a phase? I hope!! She doesnt go to a day care or anything, should we start, do you think it would help?Her baby sister loves to go to Kindergym to watch all the kids run around, (she is 6 months) should I just take her sister instead and leave the 3 1/2 year old at home for a while till she gets over it? There is nothing scary for her there. The parents stay there and talk while all the kids play. She is the only kid crying. What do I do? Thanks for answering all my questions!!
2006-10-19 13:51:47 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
This is normal. She is in a new surrounding with strangers. Yes, it sounds as though your daughter would benefit from Preschool. From what you have described it would take her a little while to adapt. But, eventually she would begin to participate more and more. Some children can step right into a new atmosphere and just have at it. While others need some encouragement. The next time you visit the kindergym do not try to make her play with the other children. Simply tell your daughter "I am going to the block area to build a house. Would you like to help?" Most likely she is going to say no, but she will follow you. Say "It's ok if you don't want to help me build a house, you can watch" Talk to her as you build your house. "I'm going to put a roof on my house. Look! I parked a car in the drive way." If there are other children in the area begin to talk to them and involve them in what you are doing. Ask one if they would like to help you put a chimney on the house. What can I use for the windows? Then slowly begin to involve your daughter...ask her a question that involves a little bit of participation. What color block should I use for the door? What shape should I use? When she begins to answer these questions then you go a little further. Point at the block that you think I should use to make the window. Great idea!!! Would you like to put it on? This is going to take time. It may only take this one time or it may take several visits. And since this is not something that she does everyday, this process may have to take place every time you visit the center.
2006-10-19 14:04:38 · answer #1 · answered by lilmisstickletoo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you need to get her where she is comfortable being around other kids. Leaving the 3 1/2 year old at home is not going to help her get used to being around other kids. I would continue taking her, maybe sit with her and play with her for a little while then when she gets more calm/comfortable start going a little ways away from her at a time. If she doesn't become ok playing around other kids that she doesn't know even when mom and/or dad is right there what is she going to do in preschool or kindergarten? So keep with that or put her in preschool she might cry for the first who knows how long but she has to get it down.
2006-10-19 13:57:57 · answer #2 · answered by Hot Mom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How often does she go? If she is going less then 3 days a week it is not enough for her to get used to it. I highly recommended you putting her in a program now to help prepare her socially and emotionally for kindergarten. If you don’t, it will be very difficult for her to adjust. She can go 3 days a week for 21/2 to 3 hours. No more than that! When she turns 4 she can go 4 days a week and 5, 5 days a week. Many Montessori schools offer this option. Check them out if you have any in your area.
When you go to kindergym, she is clinging to you because you are trying to push her into playing with others. Part of the reason she is resisting is because she knows you really want her to. Let it go. Act like you don’t care. If you are going to continue taking her there, try and team up with another parent who can watch her so you don’t have to stay. Take her to this parent and make your exit quickly. Kiss, see you soon, and leave. You may increase the amount of time that you’re gone each time. I also suggest that you invite one or more of the other children over for a play date. She may feel more comfortable getting to know children one on one and or a couple at a time and then be able to join into the group at kindergym.
She doesn’t seem to be feeling very confident. If you do, stop saying "Good job!" Saying "good job" is an extrinsic motivator. If you are a parent who says "good job," your child will only care what others think about them instead of caring what they think about themselves. Instead, say things like "You did that by yourself! You can run super fast! Look how high you can climb! You worked on that for a long time! You used so many colors on you picture!" These phrases are GREAT confidence builders! Check out this great article. http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/gj.ht... I do this as a teacher, and I see amazing results in my students when it comes to building self-confidence!
Offering choices also helps boost self-confidence. "Should we have chicken or pasta for dinner? Should we walk or ride bikes to the park? Do you want to wear the green shirt or the blue one?" Children who are offered choices feel very powerful.
Having children help with "adult type" activities also help. Your child can help you with dinner, cleanup, or shopping for groceries. They love it!
It's going to take some time but I promise you you'll be posting the question "How can I get my 4 year old to not care only about her friends?" Parents who have asked me about their shy 3 year old often come back the following year with this question! Hope this helps! Good luck!
2006-10-20 06:39:14 · answer #3 · answered by marnonyahoo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her stay with you and watch without any pressure to join the other children. If she starts to cry, reassure her that she can stay with you.
It may just be that she is overwhelmed going from just she and her baby sister to a large group of active (and probably noisy) unfamiliar children. Start socializing her by just having one child and Mom over to play at your own house where she feels safe. Then, after they become comfortable with each other, you can go places together like a quiet park, restaurant, or toy store. Gradually work up to the larger crowd of children.
2006-10-19 15:49:56 · answer #4 · answered by Aunty Social 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All children flow by ability of stranger pressure and seem shy at the same time as seeing new human beings (in basic terms wait until eventually you attempt to introduce her to Santa!!!) do not pay interest to those who say she's no longer socialized sufficient. in the present day the in difficulty-free words human beings she ought to be socialized with is kinfolk and different caregivers. She'll improve out of this ultimately and then you'll have an finished new subject of her desirous to communicate over with anybody she sees! Congrats on your little angel!
2016-12-05 00:41:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes when children are too coddled they become afraid of the unkown. Sorry but its been proven, a well socialized child becomes a well adjusted adult. Just like the teachers say in school "they cry for a little while and then don't want to leave when you come and pick them up at the end of the day". Be persistent and keep taking her to Kindergym, she will realize that there are more people out there than just mom and dad.
2006-10-19 13:54:10 · answer #6 · answered by Dick Tater 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My daughter is was exactly the same and some helpful people deciced to force her to be away from me, even though it was a playgroup and she didn't need to lose sight of me, that made it so much worse. She's 8 now and still very timid. I have to walk her into her class every morning. I think your daughter will always be shy too but I wouldn't want to leave her at home, just stay close to her. she'll get better the older she gets. just be there for her
2006-10-19 13:59:28 · answer #7 · answered by cino_bean 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My youngest daughter was the same way. Extremely shy We started her in early childhood at 3, then she went to pre-k. She didn't start talking at school until she was in second grade. She is still well behaved in school but is talking and making friends. They do grow out of it some just take longer than others.
2006-10-20 00:15:48 · answer #8 · answered by 6kidz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wonder if you are the same way, because kids often emulate their parents. Maybe you and she could both come out of your shells together if that's the case.
Anyway, keep on doing it until she become familiar with the surroundings. It could upset her that she doesn't feel safe since everything is unknown. Eventually she'll become the ruler of the roost. Don't give up.
2006-10-19 14:00:52 · answer #9 · answered by bluasakura 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you get a answer PLZ let me know my daughter is 8yr and has been like this since day one. VERY shy will cry when we leave her somewhere doesn't talk to anyone, won't do anything, we tried putting her in activitys and she crys the whole time there and then I make her suck it up and do it and then she is fine. But its a nightmare on one hand I don't want to "push" her into things because I don't want her to think when she gets older if someone pushes her she has to. but on the other hand I don't want her to live her live always shy and scared. So I need help to.. =)
2006-10-19 13:58:38 · answer #10 · answered by Alexis221 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋