Is is right for me to have a bad opinion of my mom?

Question

I am so sick and tired of my mom's racial slurs. She thinks she can get away with it by saying them in Slovak (her native language) in public, but it hurts me because I can understand some Slovak. She is always stereotyping people, like just now she said that all Russians are liars and cheats. She thinks she can justify this remark because her grandmother lived through the Russian invasions into Slovakia and all the bad (like raping, home burnings, etc.) that came with it. I tried to tell her that just because a government of a country (and in this case an extinct government for now Russia is a democracy) and the army is bad doesn’t mean that the people are all bad. And she starts getting mad saying that she has the right to say those things because she is now an American citizen!

She is such a bigot!

And then there is the things she says about causes that I feel strongly for. She is such a bigot and a hypocrite!

I do love and respect her. I have tried to show her some of the things that I feel for, like my involvement in my schools Human Rights Club and I have shown her movies like Invisible Children and Crash. She just still talks like she does, all the time. And it hurts me because I have such a strong feeling for these things because of what my grandmother has told me about things like that; her first hand discrimination experiences. That is why I am so into this stuff, because of them.

But that’s the thing! She was not raised like that! I know my grandmother; she is strict about not talking politically in front of anyone.
I think that she started thinking like this after she married he *** of a husband (my step-dad).

Answer 1

I can understand exactly where you are coming from. I am a white female and most of my family is extremely prejudice. I am not prejudice at all and have had alot of problems with my family for being so open minded. I think everyone should be treated as equals no matter what color they are or if they are Jewish, Amish or anything else. I can understand your Moms side a little bit because there is no telling what she has heard that her Grandmother went through. But your Mom is taking it way too far. There are good people of all kinds and there are bad people of all kinds. I treat people as I want to be treated and that is the way it should be, even though it isn't that way most of the time. I think people should just leave people alone if they don't like them for their race, religion or whatever. My best friend is Spanish and alot of my family smarts off all of the time about how is your ******* friend. First off, she is not a *******. She is Spanish and even if she was a *******, I would still be her friend. I know some wetbacks and they are extremely nice people. Being an American citizen does not give your Mom or anyone else the right to act the way she is. So, yes, I feel you are not wrong for having bad feelings towards your Mom for making a fool out of herself. I would be totally embarrassed and have been by my family for years. I just finally learned after alot of embarrassment and tears that my family will never change and am trying to accept it. Some of my family has nothing to do with me because I am trash in their eyes for having a spanish person in my life. I have finally told them how I feel and have nothing else to do with them anymore and have actually felt better not seeing them. Try to talk to your Mom and tell her how you feel. Don't argue with her. Just try to talk it all out. If your Mom gets all defensive and starts to scream and hollar, just get up and walk away. You are a good person and maybe if you talk to her, it will help. But don't hold your breath either. Good luck with everything.

Answer 2

Actually, staph lives on the skin of just about every person regardless of how clean or dirty they are. And MRSA is far far more common today than it used to be (Ive had mrsa twice, and both time the hospital gave it to me). If the infection was mrsa, he could have been asking where she got it from simply to track the occurance. No, I dont think you are a bad mom, I think she just got an oppurtunistic infection. And if you really think that only dirty people get staph, you know very little about it. And if the doc was being accusatory, then he was just being rude. Keeping everything clean is great. But remember there IS such a thing as too clean. If you become a germaphobe, it is actually medically more dangerous.

Answer 3

It sounds to me like she is a very unhappy woman. I think when people use the racial slurs,etc, they are very insecure themselves,and I doubt there is much you can do to change her line of thinking. You could try explaining to her that it upsets you to hear her say the things she says,and that if she insists on continuing it,to at least not say these things in front of you. Some people have very strong opinions on things,and alot of times they will not be how you feel,so you just have to learn how to deal with your mom. You can't change her as she probably couldn't change you into her way of thinking! I guess maybe try talking to her,and see where that goes.

Answer 4

I know how you feel. I think our parents just came from a different time and in your case, a different country. Our generation is more liberal, open-minded, and not as openly racist (depending on where you live, I suppose). It is infuriating when your parents' have such negative views on other ethnic groups. At least you are able to separate her thoughts from your own and have your own opinions on people. You can have a negative opinion of her (in all actuality, she is still another person in the world), but don't expect her to change anytime soon. It seems that she is dead set in her beliefs on other ethnic groups.

Answer 5

Was she raped and her home burned? Only then should she complain about it. Just turn on your selective hearing when she starts spouting. As parents start getting older they live more and more in the past. It is a sign of aging. After her ranting how about saying "Mom, I really don't want to talk about such things.. it is depressing, can't we talk about something a little more pleasant?"

Answer 6

There are a lot of books written on racial tolerence and a lot of movies that deal with this subject. I sugest you try to start a calm dialog with her. If she is religious at all refer to her religion and the guidelines for tolerence. If she only gets angry at you then ( depending on your age) declare some issue, slurs, words, sterotypes off limits when in your presence, you have a right not to hear them and you have a right to be respected just as she demands respect around her and there are words or actions she does not allow in her presence.

Answer 7

Ahhh yes, why is it as generations evolve and we learn more, the 'old school' versions seem that much more offensive?

She wont change. My parents are half and half, my grandparents sound like her. I wont get into family history, but what I think, and what they think, are totally different and its hard, I do find what they say offensive.

I gently change the subject whenever I can because I love them. I respect them so I dont argue what I think, and ultimately well... they wont be here for forever, and I will just tolerate it because I love them. Who knows... in 40 years, our grandchildren might do the same thing to us...?

Answer 8

your mom is going to live the way she was raised no doubt her parents were also bigots you will never change her way of thinking all you can do is live a better life than her

Answer 9

well you gotta love and respect your mom. just try to explain to her(respectfully of course) that you dont like or appreciate her being predjudice. let her know that her racist ways affect you to, and you dont want people to think that you're a racist.

Answer 10

Try to talk to her. If this does not work,ignore her. It's okay for you and her to have different opinions.