Am I old-fashioned?

Question

My daughter will only marry her boyfriend if he agrees to scrub 'Love, honour and obey' and substitute 'Acknowledge the presence of'.

Answer 1

what.....?
i dont quite get what your trying to say?
how is that old fashioned?

Answer 2

Are you old-fashioned? It depends on why you would like to see the vows intact. If it's because the ceremony as you see it, is perfect and does not need updating, than maybe, maybe not. If it's because you believe women should 'love, honour and obey' their husbands, then sadly you are a bit old-fashioned.

Someone pointed out that if wives still 'loved, hounoured and obeyed' their husbands then divorce rates would fall. This isn't true though some people like to hang on to this notion. Divorce rates have risen because people, rightly or wrongly, no longer need to remain married to the wrong person for 'society's sake'. Mostly when divorce rates were low, the unhappiness rates were higher. Not that we are all happier but we so have more freedom; why should one individual remain married to an alcoholic, cheater, violent person, gambler, drug addict, etc (hopefully not all qualities at once!!!)

I take it for granted that you are not asking us if you're daughter should 'love, honour and obey' her husband because you want what's best for 'your little girl' and would want her to have the freedom to divorce him should he prove to be in any way abusive. I am also sure you want your daughter to have the best possible relationship and that almost always involves standing on equal footing. That she and her husband will care for each other, divide things equally, both take on equal burdens, etc. To your daughter the phrase 'love, hounour and obey' does not reflect this but 'acknowledge the presence of' does. Ultimately it is their wedding vows and it is a sort of contract they are agreeing to.

Remember at their wedding it won't matter so much to you what they say. You will see your family, loved ones and friends gathered together to celebrate 2 people coming together to share their lives. That, and you willl probably be wondering where the time went (you can remember the day she was born) and why you feel so old all of a sudden. I doubt you will have that much time to ponder what was said!

Answer 3

When I was married in 1958, the minister used "Love, honor & cherish". Every wedding I've been to since has done the same thing. I have actually NEVER heard the word obey used at a wedding. Are you old fashioned? probably but has any of you figured out yet that the groom takes the exact vows that the bride does? Therefore if obey were to be used then he's promising to obey her as well.

Answer 4

Tradition is a great thing and usually backed with the weight of experience of many generations. However this is the 21st century and I fully understand that women in particular may want to cite their own vows. It is a personal choice and often very romantic (go on mum smile).

However while I can sympathise with the dropping of obey surely they should not be getting wed if your daughter doesn't love him? Honouring could be changed to respect almost a synonym and more acceptable today. Again if there is no mutual respect there can be no real marriage.

It makes me wonder what she feels about the "till death do us part" bit? Are she and her partner ready for this step?

Answer 5

Your daughter should write her own vows to say whatever it is she wants to say.

But I would say that during the beginning of the ceremony the clergy will be asking "the Question of Intent"; the Do you take.....
The word 'obey' has pretty much been deleted from the marriage vow. Usually the only way it is used is if it's specifically asked for or that the minister is a stickler for it.

Your daughter might have to look for an Officiant that will work with her if she doesn't want the standard.

Type in the search engine your city, state & wedding officiant. You should have some to choose from. Also you can go to American Association of Wedding Officiants. Also some of us are registered on bridal sites.

Answer 6

With so many divorces, it seems they are not loving or honouring each other either. Just because the word "obey" is there she doesn't have to take it literally. In a GOOD marriage it works BOTH WAYS, she should obey any reasonable request from her husband, similarly he should obey any reasonable request from her.

If either do not like what they are being asked to do, then discuss it and come to some sort of agreement, like adults, and not go sulking like children.

There is excessive political correctness in the world, and words that used to be harmless are now considered insults.

Answer 7

"Acknowledge the presence of"... what exactly? If you have manners you acknowledge the presence of any and every body.

I agree that maybe Obey is obselete, and unnecessary, but what is wrong with Love, Honour and Cherish?

If she feels that strongly about the wording of what is and should be a lifelong commitment, then she shouild not be marrying.

Answer 8

I like the Love and Honour but there is no way you would get me saying obey!!

Men take that little word to far, Do you know what 2 of my friends got married they are both christians and they waited until they were married etc before living together and i remember one day i wanted her to come out to my birthday and he said (No she is not allowed, she has to indoors by 10oclock) I nearly fell off my chair but apparently she had said obey at the alter and he was holding her to it!!!!

No thanx

Answer 9

Haven't heard many women agree to "love, honor and obey" since Sarah Ferguson said it to her husband and most of the women in the western world almost fainted when she did. As far as saying "Acknowledge the presence of" that's silly too. Why not just say "love, honor and be faithful to each other?"

Answer 10

You are not old fashioned at all! Why would your daughter limit her relationship in that way? "Acknowledges the presence of" You treat co-workers better then that! She doesn't sound like she is at the maturity level that is needed to maintain a successful marriage. Give her Dr. Laura's book, 10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess up Their Lives :) She what she says after she reads it.

Answer 11

It's ridiculous, and let me tell you - when it was love, honor and obey, marriage stayed together at a rate of 90%, now it's almost 50 % divorce.

I will never get married in a ceremony, where it's not love, honor and obey. Liberals will never understand the signficance of this, never in a million years. They're clueless and they're so stupid that they believe in living together before marriage, convenience abortion if you get pregnant, ect.

I say it again: Love, honor and OBEY! And if a woman does not want to take that vow - FINE - REMAIN SINGLE AND BE INDEPENDENT - THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT, BUT IF YOU GET MARRIED TAKE THE VOW!

You liberals all need psychiatric help! The divorce rate is almost 50 percent and our families are falling apart because of you!

You girls who "scrub this out" of your vows don't have a clue and have no idea of what a marriage is about. You should do like I said above: Remain single, become independent and compete with men in the world. But don't try to mold marriage to suit your tastes and your idea of what it should be. The statistics have proven you wrong, sorry. It doesn't work.