I have a dilemna. I was never sure I wanted children. I fell in love and have now been married 6 wonderful years, together for 12. We sais we wanted children, an I thought in 3-5 years I would be ready. Well, I got pregnant by surprise and I did not handle it well. I suddenly realized I did not want children. Then, I miscarried at 6wks. For 5 weeks, all I wanted was to be pregnant again. Now, after 2 months of trying, I realize that I don't think I want this. I don't think I could handle having a child to raise. I am not sure I ever will want one, but my husband, whom I love so much, really wants children. I am so torn. I don't know what to do. I will be unhappy denying him, but at the same time am so afraid I will be unhappy with a child as well. I don't want to lose my husband. I don't know what to do. Any advise? Thanks.
2006-10-19 11:41:00 · 10 answers · asked by RNS91294 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I want to add that my husband says we do not have to have them if I don't want, but he insists I will regret it someday. I think that is him saying he would regret it though.
2006-10-19 11:57:04 · update #1
I think my biggest fear is having one and regretting it. I read it is better to regret not having them than to regret having them. I wouldn't want to resent my own child.
2006-10-19 11:59:31 · update #2
I am childfree by choice, I also have always known, since I was a little girl. I told my boyfriend about my decision and for a while thought he would leave me, but we are still together and I think he is happy with that decision as well. To be honest, I would break up with him before I had a child I didn't want. My life is heading in a completely different direction, and a child just wouldn't fit in with my plans.
But, you are already married! I would be honest with him, tell him how you feel. There is no comprimise with this subject, you either want a kid or you don't. If you truly don't want a child, I feel there will always be a part of you that will be unhappy. Also, if your husband is willing to leave you for a person that doesn't even exist yet, wouldn't you want to know? I feel marriage is a union of two people who love being with each other and want to go through life together. Not just a union of two people so they can reproduce.
Not to mention the fact that the child may suffer if your heart isn't really into parenting. There are just so many reasons not to have a child if you truly don't want one. And you aren't alone. Check out these websites: www.childfreebychoice.com and www.nokidding.com (or .net, I'm not sure!!). I think these are correct, if not, google "childfree" and you'll find a ton of resources.
2006-10-19 12:00:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like me talking.. My husband asked me about it since dating, and I wasn't so sure of that...I was scared to death of children ... a year after we got married I got pregnant and my daughter has became my everything!!! I don't have words to explain the whole feeling of being a mom but it is a gift that God gave to all women.....you don't have any idea the feeling you get out of holding a baby that is from you.. there are so many emotions!!!
But, If you think you don't want to have children and want to spend Christmas with no family around .... when you hit your 60's or 80's and you think you will handle that then fine..
It is OK if you don't have children, but please be sure of this decision because it can be too late OK ?
Also, What I think is that there must be something that bothers you about children or may be you didn't like your childhood, or something similar, something that made you feel and think the way you are now.. Have you asked yourself what is the reason for not wanting to have children, if not do it and try to understand the reasons, perhaps fears.. Your husband deserves to be happy as well as you do.. So both of you have to come up with a plan that applies for both OK? Do not be sad or worried there must be a solution.
Good luck!!!
Sincerely, Pink Moon light!!
2006-10-19 12:05:57 · answer #2 · answered by moon light 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that once you hold your baby in your arms you will love it with all the intenstiy of a new mother. It does not happen to all people though, so definetly talk to your husband about it. I relaize you might be afriad to bring up a subject he feels so strongly about, but just bite the bullet and do it. It is really important and he will understand if he truly loves you, which I'm sure he does. Think about all the good points of having children, like having a person that will always love you and look up to you no matter what they say. You can teach them to be good people, to spread your beliefs. They are people you can talk with and reminisce with when you are old. They will take care of you as you grow. Your heart will swell pride as they move through their lives. Have faith that things will work out for the best.
Good luck, sweetheart.
2006-10-19 11:53:05 · answer #3 · answered by Kharm 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't have a child unless it is something both you and your husband desire. Right now, I believe you would be a very unhappy woman as a mother thereby creating a miserable household for everyone concerned. Since this is such a serious issue I suggest you discuss your true feelings with your husband and avoid motherhood completely. While being a parent may be wonderful for some women, it would prove disastrous for someone like you.
2006-10-19 12:16:41 · answer #4 · answered by Bethany 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How can you not like children? There cute, innocent faces. I have a three year old daughter and she is the most important thing in my life and I love her more than my wife or anyone else. First have a baby and trust me, you will want more.
Don't be selfish. Your husband must be wanting a child. If you love him then do it for him. I mean he also wants to be a father.
Children are the best gift that god gives
Good luck and hope you get a cute baby
2006-10-19 11:52:40 · answer #5 · answered by Mr Business 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, that's a hard decision. Children are a big responsibility, and if you don't think you can handle one, then you husband should understand. If he truly loves you, he should be able to live with no children, or wait until you really feel like you ready. You could try practising, by going to a daycare or helping out somewhere with babies. Then you will know if you like it or not.
2006-10-19 11:46:15 · answer #6 · answered by Fuzzyglasses 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If U love Ur Husband Then U Must Plan A Child For Ur Love
If U Love Him So U Must Be Pregnant
2006-10-19 11:46:20 · answer #7 · answered by abdulhameed2003 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Go on birth control pills and don't tell him. It is not being selfish to say I can't handle kids. Another alternative is to adopt an older child.
2006-10-19 12:18:10 · answer #8 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-12-05 00:35:56 · answer #9 · answered by golub 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your body, so YOU get to choose. Your husband needs to understand that. Why are you so eager to please him by having children, when he is clearly not willing to please you by dropping the entire issue? Tell him if he can't make them by himself, he's S.O.L.
2006-10-19 11:50:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋