how can I help my 12 year old son to be more social?

Question

my son is a great! he's funny, and outgoing when he's around our family, but this year as he has started 7th grade he is very quite, and shy, I don't think he is adjusting to school and seems very depressed.

Answer 1

My 9yo was the same way. We enrolled him in karate and his self confidence went WAY up and he is now more social. Encouraging him to join things is a great idea, but if he's not confident in himself, he will continue to have problems!

Answer 2

Ok, I'll answer this one seriously, since I was antisocial at 12 years myself
Now the first thing to keep in mind is that at 12 years old, he's probably getting to an akward stage of life, where one of the side effects is that he'll find you incredibly embarrassing. I'm not saying you are, but if this is the case, it should be pretty obvious, and being around him and his possible friends too much won't be very helpful in his social life.
Second, an extracurricular activity is a good idea, but try to find one that utilizes his interests, so at least he'll have something to talk about with a new group of people, and not necessarily a sport, don't force anything on him though.
My last tidbit of advice, though, is to not be hard on him about making friends, and not stress popularity. It is most important for him to make good friends, not try to fit in with some in-crowd that puts him in situations he doesn't want to be in (I have to admit, I started smoking cigarettes when I was 13, because it was "cool").
Hope that's helpful. Good luck

Answer 3

I remember being in 7th grade. I didn't really want to talk to my parents and everything they said was (to me) an open challenge or insulting, even compliments. Sometimes kids just feel a little over worked and need a break. Ask your son if there are any clubs, or activities inside and out of school he would be interested in. Sports are a major confidence booster, Drama and acting are fun for moody or depressed people because they are able to get away from their problems. Or maybe foreign language, which always creates a group atmosphere.

Answer 4

You need to show him how you socialize, then tell him to try it, he needs friends to be there to support him, talk him out of things that he should not do. If he does not have any friends NOW, in high school he is more likely to do drugs and alcohol, or fit into a gang. You need to help him before it is too late. Ask him why he is feeling depressed, ask him if he wants to see a counselor. Some kids don't do well adjusting to a new grade, that is why you need to help him if he has questions.

Answer 5

Tell him how great he is and how he has great qualities. Ask him to tell you why he's shy. Encourage him to be the one to make the first move at talking to someone but also let him know if the person doesn't want to be his friend it's ok, not everyone is going to like you. I agree with getting him involved in activities. Go out more. Just don't make it worse by putting him on the spot in front of people. Get him some books on being social or getting over shyness. Remember ALWAYS TELL HIM HOW GREAT HE IS!! That builds confidence!!!!!!

Answer 6

Keep communication going with him all the time. Ask about friends, teachers etc. It is so important to know your child inside and out especially at this time because he is approaching his teens. If he seems depressed, then something is going on that you shouldn't ignore. Find out asap. You could also get him involved in something you think he will enjoy. Enroll him in a sport outside of school and that way he will have an outside support and a different network of friends. You want him to one day become a successful adult that enjoys life, not struggling. It starts when they are young.

Answer 7

I use to be the same way in the 7th grade. What I would do was find people who were quite like me so we would have something in common or find the loudest person and be-friend them. That's also what I did I guess It sort of gave me confidence to act and do how I felt. If your son has confidence ppl will want to be friends with him. I hope things get better.

Answer 8

Sounds like he is suffering some type of stress so keep an eye on him as teenagers have a hard life at that age,as they are put into a new environment and expected to fit in,when it is all strange for them,keep a very close eye as he could get a phobia and not want to even leave the house, if this happens try sending him to your local shop to but bread or milk to get him into the community.

Answer 9

Try and get him involved in after school activites that he shows interest in. But don't force him to go.

Talk to him about what is going on. I know easier said than done, most kids that age don't want to talk to anyone about their feelings or what is going on at school. Maybe he won't talk to anyone but dad, might be a "guy" thing.

It is a tuff time for a 12 year old so much changes so quick at this time. If you go to church see if your pastor would talk with him, maybe if he talks to someone knowing that mom and dad won't find out it would help. May be to embarassing for him to talk about with mom and dad.

but as far as socializing, i think some sort of sport or group activity would be best. IF he is not the sporty type, find something that he is interested in and check to see if there is some sort of group thing in your town that involves that.

good luck

Answer 10

Try talking to him about it, there could be something going on in his life, that he isn't telling you. or that when he is starting 7th grade it could be a lot of stress, because a lot of that material is new to him, and maybe he doesn't know anyone and doesn't know how to react.