Is my mom right or being insensetive?????????

Question

I am 18 and in love with a guy who will most likely go to jail for Vehicular homicide was not done on purpose he was just trying to scare the girl as a joke.I really still love him and feel heartbroken will i ever get over this? my mom says i will just forget him and this will just be a bad memory and i will find someone else better but i dont think i ever will. My mom says she does not want me to have anymore contact with him and no letters to prison either while i live under her roof!Is this unfair?

She claims she is helping me and i will see it when i am older one day and that i should be focused on applying for college and SAT.

She says she wont forgive him for endangering my life i was also in the car and putting me in the hospital but i was the one who was hurt and i forgive him. So makes no sense she adored him before this happened?

Answer 1

I would like to put things in another perspective.
How do YOU feel about staying with him through his jail time?
is it truly love or:
you feeling guilty for leaving him in a difficult situation.
you feeling like "i will show them, my love can defy any situation"

have you consider small things like:
he will NOT be there when YOU need him.
you will have a boyfriend with whom you will not be able to go anywhere, no parties, nothing. (please keep reading, I know the "nothing of this will matter to me" feeling)
every time some asks about your boyfriend, you will have to explain, and get odd looks.
he might live through violent processes in jail, and you cannto be the ONLY one supporting him. (if he does not ave a family, get him a therapist, he will need to learn lots of things about himself, work out his own guilt, etc. You will be able to support him but not to treat him.)
there so many other details to think about.
yet, I believe you are in love. I am also willing to belive that he made a mistake. He must be as young as you. But he DID kill someone. HE must take responsiblity for it. Will YOU take it also?

You also need time to heal your wounds and to work on the effect all this ia having in your life.

I suggest the following. Keep being his friend. Visit him often. Support him. But do it on a voluntary friendship basis. If he does not agree with it or get possesive, then you have a good hint of how he might be as a husband. If after he gets out you are still in love with him, then go back together. That will give you time to thinks things over, but more importantly, it will give time the possibility to show you the way more clearly.

Talk to you mom and tell her that for you it is important not to abandon him and that you plan on being friends only. THat should calm her. She is scared for you, I would be too.

Get some time off, like a spiritual retreat. Breath in a peaceful environment. Do not push yourself. Give your self time and allow yourself to change your mind. You might even leave you moms house to stay with him. That does not mean you cannot go back, or break up with him later. Keep checking with yourself what YOU really want to do and do not consider it a set path.

and you WILL get over it. You are strong enough to ask for help, you will be strong enough to learn from this.

I hope you can figure it out

Answer 2

I can't tell you how to handle your emotions but I will try to give you some direction.You must accept the fact your boyfriend is going to jail for killing someone.His actions have permanently altered the lives of many people.The victim had their life taken away by the senseless act of an individual who thought an automobile was a playtoy .His victim no longer has a life and her family will ,over time,cope with this tragedy because they have to.You have the ability to continue your education and make a future for yourself.Appreciate the fact,in spite of your boyfriends wreckless actions,you still have a today and a tomorrow.You ar struggling with emotions which you cannot handle. This "man" is selfish and even if he does change, his life and yours will never be the same.You do not have to feel guilty if you do not stay together,you are separating due to his actions not yours.Your mom only wants the best for you,trust her.Over time you will want more than an hour or two from behind bars.If he loved you he would tell you that you are young, to forget him and find someone else. You deserve it. Good luck.

Answer 3

Lets go back over this ..... You are in love with a man who killed someone with a vehicle as part of a joke gone bad... You want me to tell you your mom is wrong for not wanting you to continue a relationship with this man? And your mother has given you a way out by saying "Not while under my roof".... Not gonna happen... Your mother is right...

If you are so determined that this man is the one you want despite his lack of judgement ( what if his next joke goes wrong and you are the one dead)... You are 18, don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you.... However while you are still living under your mothers roof she has the right to tell you no letters can be sent to her home from prison, she has the right to tell you no phone calls will be accepted from prison at her home...

Life is not fair, get the notion that it is out of your head as quickly as possible or you will have a long hard, much harder than necessary, road to travel in life.. You are 18 which makes you legally an adult and therefore you can move out and do what you want... Until then you live by the rules under your mothers roof...

Answer 4

Ok yes your mom is right you do need to leave him alone,but the people that tell you to forget about him well thats easier said then done so here is what u need to do. Sit down and think about this, if u stay with him and when he gets out what can he do for u? Cause he will have a very bad record so he wont be able to get a job so how is he going to take care of u? And a lot of times if the person cant get a job they will start doing more illegal stuff just so he can live and then if he think that u love him that much he will start trying to get you to do illegal stuff with him. And then your will go to jail and you wont be able to get good jobs. So your life is ruined just like his. The only reason i say this is cause i thought i loved this guy and thats how my life went for 6 yrs in and out of jails all the time. And then when i went to prison for 2 yrs for him and he left me there, told me that he had moved on in his life sorry. So just think about this.. and then think some more Do u want to take a chance on on this guy and maybe haveing your your life ending like mine? I really hope this help you. I wished my mom had been like yours,cause my mom seen it like this, you need to figure out things for youself she didnt care what happened to me and your mom does.

Answer 5

Your mom is right. I know it isn't what you want to hear but listen to her. That is why she is The mother and you are the child. I am sure it seems unfair right now but in the long run she is trying to save you a lot of heartache plus the mistake of wasting yout time and energy on this situation. Focus on your education and do what you need to do to be successful in your own life or you will end up wasting years dealing with this. Even if you decided to stick with this guy- the chances that you would make something of yourself, that he will be who you want him to be when he is released and that you two could make it work are slim to none. Listen to your mother- you will thank her for it later.

Answer 6

I know you love him, or at least you think you do. But honesty, deep down you know that he is not right for you. you cant get mixed up with a guy like that, what if that girl was you or a friend of yours, what then. he is obviously a little dangerous and doest always think before acts. you don't want to be with a person like that. you need someone who will love you forever and treat you like you should be treated. i really think it is best if you just try to forget him. it will be hard at first but trust me someone better will come along and you will wonder what you every did without that person and think how lucky you were to not be stuck with that other one. you mom is right and you should listen to her. I hope this helps good luck.

Answer 7

Your mom is right. She is putting your welfare first. Your boyfriend did not. He killed someone- even though it wasn't on purpose. What was he thinking? If he cares so little about other people, what does that say about your relationship with him?

You need to move on. Study for your SATs and go to college! That's where life is taking you. This guy needs to pay for this crime and learn a lesson about human life.

Mom is very smart. Listen to her.

Answer 8

Honey your Mom cares about you and wants the best for your future. It is true that people make mistakes, and I am sure he is sorry, but that doesn't mean this is the person you should spend your life with. You are 18, and will have opportunities that you must take advantage of while you are young, and not spend it waiting for him. Try to live your life, and always take care of yourself first.

Answer 9

Ok before you write me off, I'm 19 and my mother hates my fiancee so I in a way know where you're coming from. However my mother hates him for getting me pregnant not killing someone. I agree with your mother on this. You need to put this behind you. I have friends who dated boys who went to prison. It goes nowhere real fast. Secondly if he's anyone decent he's going to hate himself for a long time over what happened and you can't help him with that type of self loathing. He's only going to be fit for dating after years of rehabilitation. Don't do it!

Answer 10

Sorry to say but the guy you think you love don't sound like such a great person even if he wasn't trying to do harm he shouldn't have done it in the first place, I would say to move on and find someone better, trust your mom she sounds like she is making a good decision and trying to protect you.