1 year old and newborn. Trouble?

Question

Me and my fiance have two kids VERY close together one will be 1 YRS on November 15th and the other will be born on November 28th. Im not sure how a one year old will react to having a sibling, She loves attention as it is, every since about 6 months she has been very clingy towards me, which she used to be a huge daddys girl. Now its all about mommy. I feel really bad sometimes thinking about it, things have already changed, We switched her over to a toddler bed, which she doesnt like this at all because I have had her in bed with me since day 1. I cant really get down on the floor and play with her anymore,because its hard to get up. I dont have energy either. Just alot of different things...I dont know what to do. I feel like im being torn apart from her some how and I dont want her to feel left out or anything when the baby comes. And I dont want to feel like im favoring one baby over another...any advice would be appreciated.

Answer 1

I had some of the same concerns when my wife was pregnant with our second child. Our son was born 15 months after our daughter. Our daughter was protective of her brother. For a time I was concerned as to whether our son would ever learn to talk. My wife explained that he did not have to because our daughter did all the talking for him. She seemed to have an instinctive feel for what exactly our son wanted and when, and she was right. They are both very bright, creative, polite and friendly young adults now. We moved around quite a bit when they were young and their close proximity in age was a benefit: they always had a friend wherever we went.
As for your own home life I wouldn't change the sleeping arrangement at this time. Let your daughter get used to sleeping in her bed. She enjoyed having you get down and play with her on the floor and that is now understandably difficult in your situation. My suggestion is that when your fiance is home get down on the floor and play with your daughter and have your fiance help you back up. Also, when your fiance is away play with your daughter on the bed. She will enjoy this and it will be easier for you to get up. The fact that you took the time to ask this question leaves little doubt that you will be a good mother for both children. Keep in mind how the family structure appears to both children--your first born will always be special in her own way, and the next child may feel the need to quickly match the older in ability and favor, and the older may always view the younger as the "baby" entitled to certain rights she does not receive. These are both normal forms of perception for the children, and it will be up to you and the father to make sure that both children feel equally loved. Best wishes for you and your family!

Answer 2

I understand where you are coming from. My daughter will be a year old December 10 and I am due at the beginning of February.I too don't know how she will be with a new baby cause she was an only child for about 8 months and then her 3 older brothers came to live with us. Right now she holds her baby dolls like babys and gives them hugs and kisses. I just hope that will continue when the new baby will be here. She is a daddys girl and really dont want nothing to do with me.I also hope there will be no favoring one over the other.My daughter will be a very spoiled and tough girl cause she will be the only girl with 4 brothers. All I can say is good luck too you.

Answer 3

Start playing with her with a baby doll. Explaining the things that you will have to be doing for the new baby. Let her "help" you with the doll. Then, when the new baby arrives, let her "help" you with the baby as well. Include her in the daily activites with the baby. When you get the chance, take time out to spend with just her. I have 2 sons, just a year and a half apart. They have done wonderfully together.....they are 3 and 4 1/2 now and are VERY close. I hope this helps.......congrats and good luck!!!!

Answer 4

Well, you will upset your cat. Most cats hate changes, and you would be bringing in a major change in the form of four paws and fur. But don't fret, as most introductions go rather smoothly after a short period of hissing and growling. After all, your one year old was expecting to remain the alpha cat, and now there is competition. In all, it is a good idea. Your one year old is still very much a kitten, and should accept a youngster fairly easily. I just introduced two kittens (12 weeks old) into my house, and the other cats have accepted them. The hissing and growling usually happened when they were startled by the turbocharged kitten racing by them. There are two approaches. One is to take it slowly and stepwise. But if done too slowly, it can seem like a new introduction every day to your cat. I have done several introductions over the years, and my approach has to been to do it when I have a period of time to be around to mediate any possible problems. My approach has been pretty well this: they are here, they are staying, and there is nothing you can do about it. There has never been a drop of blood spilled, or major warfare. You probably would want to get at least one and possibly two new litter boxes, unless you already have two. Then, three total is usually sufficient. Just make sure they are not all side by side. Male or female? I am not sure it makes a difference. Size does not mean alpha cat. And disputes are always over who is alpha, and that may often change. My cats are all female. Right now the tiniest kitten thinks she should be the alpha cat. She is 1/3 the size of my smallest adult cat. BTW, female cats are spayed. You want to have any newcomer fixed at the appropriate time. While you probably already know, take your proposed newcomer directly to the vet before introducing him or her to your cat. You want to make sure no fleas, ear mites, worms, and negative for feline leukemia or feline aids. You do not want to do anything to jeopardize your current cat.

Answer 5

Just yesterday I witnessed a very stressed out Mom, who was in the same situation. She had an older daughter who helped her with her 17 months old toddler and the 5 months old baby.... but only a little- she was too busy with herself- playing. The 17 month old toddler- a girl- was very independent for her age, but she constantly got in trouble... Mom was always reprimanding her. At one point she smeared the playground dirt (the dirt underneath the wood chips) all over her face. Mom grabbed her and went to the car to clean her while she was holding the baby in one arm on their way to the car. She was smiling and didn't sound too mad... but I could tell from the distance that the girl cried- so she must have gotten a scolding after all. When they came back, the girl went straight for the dirt again... I could tell the Mom getting very annoyed by this.... she gave her a time out, which the little girl didn't like at all. A little while later she climbed up the playground equipment- very high and dangerous.... Mom grabbed her with one arm again. Finally I asked her if I could carry the baby, and she gave me the baby right away. At this moment the toddler girl got into something again... but she didn't hurry to her, because I guess she was just really tired already at this point.
I'm a second child, too. My Mom gave birth to my brother when I was two years old. Unfortunately she left us all to work overseas.... Dad wasn't getting paid (very bad times for my people that time... corruption was making everyone miserable- our country was and still is in a very terrible state, which showed in our daily lives). Years later she told me that the truth was that she couldn't deal with being a Stay-at-home Mom.... even her maternity leave seemed way too long. She stayed away for 8 years. She now regrets having left us like that.
Being a Mom is a very challenging job... most of all if you take it seriously and try to be really good at it. Don't worry, Mom- you can do it!!! Look around for things that you can get your- by then - one year old girl busy with. The decision to breastfeed or bottle feed will also make a big difference. A breastfed baby requires much more attention.... which if you really think about it isn't fair to the one year old. (believe me i know what I'm talking about- I nursed both my kids a long time each- the older until he was almost 4 and the younger one until he was 2 1/2.... they are five years apart) She still needs your attention. Otherwise she will somehow show very early on signs of independence accompanied by a rascally behavior... sometimes to get your attention and sometimes, because most of the time you will be too busy to realize what she is getting herself into.

Answer 6

This is very tough. I can relate, I know a lot of other parents that can relate too. It's always a challenge when a "new baby" comes along and when they are close in age it adds another demension to challenges while they are young.
My two cents and well meant advice is:
1. For yourself remember it will get better. You do deserve a break once in a while. If you feel like you must be the worst parent ever, remember we have all felt that.
2. Bring a present home from the hospital for Older sibling from new baby. (one you purchased and wrapped in advance and then put in your hospital bag.) Little "baby" was so happy and excited to come be your little "sister/brother" and live with you that she wanted to give you something special. She already loves you soo much, even though she can't talk, she wanted you to know how important you are to her.
3. For your older child, have her become "Mommies best little helper". Include her (even if just in talk) with everything you do for the baby. Example, "Sarah is that our little baby crying, do you think she's hungry? Should we go feed her? Then you could let her hold the bottle or if breast feeding allow her to gently pat the babys cheek or arm and explain how she is helping the baby feel loved and that will help her body to asorb more nutrients so she will grow healthy and strong.
When changing babies diaper talk to older sibling about it to increase her interest. They are always interested in learning. Allow her to help put the fastening strips in place, anything like that. "Oh I just couldn't have done that without you. How did I get so lucky to get the best little 2 year old in the whole world."
4. During quiet times of holding the baby, when toddler comes in. Talk to her about it. Tell her how "we can sometimes "feel" when people love us even if they are not talking. Come look at baby and just quietly think about what she is thinking." Then ask her, "can you feel that?", "Do you feel that warm feeling inside?" "That is love and sometimes we can feel it even with out words. Baby loves you very much, I can feel that too."
4. Begin to rely on family and friends to really pitch in and take interest in the older one as well as the baby. They could take her and one other friend her age to the park for one afternoon. They could help by taking her to a play group, a toddler dance class or toddler art class. (Check in to local public recreation centers, ymca's, other mom's in your neighborhood. Do a search for "mommy groups" in your area.) Hopefully there is someone that could help you. Even if it is only once a week, or if it is different friends each time, it is not too much to ask. People usually want to help and just don't know what to do. You may have to ask them. They will understand. It's only temporary, once baby is not so dependant on mommy things start to get easier.

Answer 7

Things will turn out fine My Cousin had 2 babies that close together. What my nutritionist told me when I was pregnat with my daughter is to go buy a doll put it up & take it to the hospital when you have the baby. Ok after you have had the baby give her the new baby doll and tell her that is her baby. Ok this sounds weird for me to say, but My Son just had a ball because of that experience he is closer and more protective of his little sister now. Anyway back to my cousin. Her Boys are 10 months apart. they are the best buds because for one when baby was laying down for a nap my cousin would put the older one in her lap and read to him and sing and play games with him she made sure she had a "Special Adam Time" It's wonderful.

Answer 8

When the baby gets here, try to include your 1 year old with caring for it...she can do things like get you a blanket or bring you a diaper, she will feel important, and like a big girl. Make sure she gets lots of hugs and I-luv-u's and she should be fine. There will be an adjustment period, but it won't last very long. Congrats and Good Luck!

Answer 9

I know how you are feeling... although my youngest two are 2 years 2 weeks apart exactly. My oldest was sick and recieving a lot of medical attention and therapy when my second came. I felt as if I was ruining my oldest daughters chance with me where it had been so hard already. Once I came home with my new baby my oldest actually fell in love. She decided she didn't want to sleep with the baby and me... she moved to her own bed all by herself. They are 5 and 7.... the best of friends. I didn't feel so guilty once I got to see them grow and playing together.
Good Luck

Answer 10

Having the other baby will do no harm to her it will give you daughter a chance play with someone else for once my mother had the same problem with my older sister to she used to cling on to mom like glue but when i was born everything got better she started to play with me more and forget about clinging to my mom so much she may still cling to you but not as much when the baby comes have her help you with little chores like throwing the baby diapers in the garbage and congratulate her each time it will make more interested in the baby