ok ive been married for 1 month and 3 days we had been married exactly a week when his mother showed up at our house stating that she was going to be living with us because she was getting a divorce. that was fine except for the fact that we need our privacy. ok, she leaves messes all over my house and doesent help with anythingshe is deliberately trying to cause problems and yesterday i was putting up laundry when i found 12 pairs of my underwear in her drawer! this compelled me to look in her closet she is stealing my clothes! i told my husband and he didnt think there was anything wrong its almost like his mother can do no wrong and he thinks im being mean to her.
2006-10-19 10:33:32 · 28 answers · asked by j 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i dont work so that i can stay home and take care of things around the house. i always make sure he has lunch and supper ready for when he comes home, i have lunch with a friend of mine on wednesdays so i get hime take out for when he comes home becaus im not there. well last wednesday she hid his food and the note i left for him and told him that there was nothing for him to eat and she didnt know where the hell i was
2006-10-19 10:39:06 · update #1
I think you and your MIL need to have a discussion about this.
Don't take the role of the victim though. How do you know she doesn't have similar pairs of underwear?
Also include your husband in on this. Otherwise it will be a MIL vs. DIL challenge. If it doesn't see that anything is wrong, try looking at it through his eyes. This is his mother. Are you being oversensitive?
It may not be bad to ask for as estimated time she will be staying. Also, is she helping pay bills?
2006-10-19 10:36:23 · answer #1 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow... I am not married, but have been close and actually my mom did a lot of imposing on my relationship. I talked to her about it, and we came up with a list of things to do out of curtisy for the other. You might be able to call a "family meeting" at dinner and just express without too much finger pointing that you are still kind of a newlywed couple, and that this is the most important time for you, and you don't need her marital problems in your happy home. You might be able to have your husband suggest some ideas too.
Personally, when it comes to cleaning up messes... You make the mess you clean the mess... and if she can't abide by your rules, and your husband should see your side to this being as it is YOUR home, then she can find somewhere else to stay... I hope it all works out.
2006-10-19 10:38:08 · answer #2 · answered by ShyGirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are you?? 19? 27? 35??
If very young and about 19, get your family to stand with you and tell your husband that as soon as your mother-n -law is settled in her own place, you will discuss moving back and resuming a marriage . Then leave with your family.
If your are mid 20's or older, stand up to her and let her know she is acting like a teenager and you are not her mother. If your husband will not stand with you now, he is not a man may never be there for you.
He learned how to treat women from his father. What is his father like?? I bet he's not worth the time of day. Did your father-in-law throw her out as soon as she had a place to go? YOUR HOME! She has some fast growing up to do but don't ruin your life in the mean time.
2006-10-19 11:11:03 · answer #3 · answered by terry37086 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. She steals your clothes? That's just weird. Tell hubby, gently and kindly, that mother has to go. This is a time for newlyweds to learn how to live with each other, and this strange behavior is making that difficult. Also, confront mother, gently, about this behavior. She may actually have mental problems. Tread softly because it sounds like hubby may get up-in-arms very easily when it comes to mother. Also, Install a lock on the bedroom door.
2006-10-19 12:15:39 · answer #4 · answered by Mo the treehugger! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you seen the movie "Monster-in-law? In real life you need a plan that will not backfire.He needs to tell his mother to respect the boundary lines of marriage and though she is getting a divorce that perhaps she needs her "friends"to rally around her,if she has none than suggest a hobby like crafts,or going on a vacation for 1 which means focus on the person she is avoiding herself(how about a make-over)?as for this taking clothes YOU need to be very assertive to her about your private things!If your new hubby will not chat w/mom about this then a lock may be necessary for your bedroom.The messes is her anger about feeling neglected but she needs to be mature so put up a sign on the table"if you want to live like a pig then visit a barn this is not it!!"If she get nastier than start cooking her food with Ex-Lax in it she'll get the message QUICK!! Good luck,friend!My mother-in-law did some mean "POOP" to me and payback was sweet-Desiree S
2006-10-19 10:50:30 · answer #5 · answered by Desiree S 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This woman can to her son looking for help(place to stay) she cared for him not its time he does the same for her. I think you should set some ground rules(cleaning etc) if she is stealing you under garments then I would let her have them.I am sure you dont want to out you husband in the middle of things with his mom. I would hate to see the outcome relax a little and let her get settled in and then have that long over due family talk .Sow your husband the clothes that she took and get reimbursed .
2006-10-19 10:39:46 · answer #6 · answered by justturning40 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
illl what a horrible sitution to be in. I mean your gonna be wrong either way. You should have never let her move in. I say give her a time limit talk to your husband and make a plan as to when she has to be out and go from there. Put a lock on your closet door cause that really is disrespectful... Wow you have to really have patience now if you never had any. Good Luck.
2006-10-19 10:37:00 · answer #7 · answered by prettyfalcon197 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. You need to take back the clothes
2. You need to make a chart, on the fridge. It will have who will do what on which days. The explanation for this could be:"I'm training for when we have kids."
3. You need to have your husband look at all of the clothes she stole from you. If he still doesn't get the problem just yell at him, you have a right.
4. Confront the woman!
2006-10-19 10:41:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
His mother has moved in and she is going to be the only woman in his life.
You do not have a chance.
This is a most important time in a newly married couples life, and should be spent alone.
Do not worry, it will get worse. I speak from experience, and left the same type of situation you are in.
Best move I ever made.
I found the perfect wife with no baggage to ruin our home.
Lots of luck.
2006-10-19 10:39:16 · answer #9 · answered by festus_porkchop 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hint: Her mission there is to make you look bad in front of your husband. My mother did the same thing to my exwife. always criticizing her and putting her down in front of our kids. NOT GOOD.
whatever plans she has up her sleeve you better be careful for if anyone can brainwash your husband, it will be his own mother. Luckily I already knew what my mother was all about. If she doesn't like you, then she doesn't like you. Mothers always feel that they know what's best for their "baby" rotton spoiled sons.
All three of you need to sit down lay all the cards out on the table. She will be the less cooperative and the more denying of the three of you. You need to expose her to your husband for her real self even if it hurts him, he'll get over it and soon love you even more and your credibility with him soon begins to establish itself
2006-10-19 10:45:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋