Her dad left when I was pregnant and never came back. Now she is almost 7 and when they make school father's day cards, she wants to stay home. She says all her friends have dad's. Even when I point out kids that don't have a dad, or step dad's or mean dad's, she still feels bad. Can I make it better somehow? I tell her stories about her dad, that seems to make her feel more connected...
2006-10-19 10:08:46 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
she will have to deal with that. She will be fine. But that is her issure. You can't make it better, but you can make it worse by being a victim and him the bad guy. Keep it positive. Point out when others have a split family. Let her know it is not abnormal. Keep it light, if you feel happy with your lives, then she will pick up on that...
2006-10-19 10:20:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A biological father is someone you will always be connected to even if he is there or not. She needs a father-figure, role-model that can take her under his wing. For me it was my grandfather so my childhood was not that bad but it hurts when you know you have a dad but ur grandfather or step-dad are playing the role. You have to pull the weight and play both roles and you go with her when they ask for a dad and tell her you are both mom and dad ,because you are. Dont let her know it hurts you, too, just keep the positive road because things could be worse just look at the good and make the best of it.
2006-10-19 10:25:08 · answer #2 · answered by "Red" 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just try to explain to her that all families are different, in a millon different ways, some have two moms and one dad, some have only one mom or just a dad, some are different races mixed together, some have a grandma or grandpa instead of a mom or dad, maybe that will make her feel better to see that other kids have different families too. Also i would maybe say something to the teacher about fathers day and how it bothers her, maybe theres something they could do for her. Like tell her that your her mom and her dad and you love her so much that you can do both jobs. i hope some of this can help you.
2006-10-19 17:03:51 · answer #3 · answered by button 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was once where your daughter is now. I met my dad when I was 14. I thought everything was going to be different. I would have the love of both parents. To be honest, it only made things so much worse. I found out that he knew about me and my brother and just didn't care enough to see us or ask about us. To this day, he will not admit that we are his kids. There will come a time when you little girl will realize that she is much better off without him in her life. My oldest child has her biological father in her life and he is a real a!!. He controls everything she does and does not know how to take care of her when she is sick and what is worse is that I have no say in any of it. Funny huh. Oh well, I ramble. You need to be thankful that he is not around(in my opinion). It may be hard but at least you know that your child is safe and with someone who loves her more than anything else in the world. I sure hope this helps some. If you need anyone to talk to, you can email me anytime.
2006-10-19 10:23:50 · answer #4 · answered by eka77_95 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I never had a father, I mean I did, but my mom left him when I was 4 and never saw him agian b/c he was abusive to my mom and to me and my sisters, and to be honest with you, they are all bad memories I have of him. Anyway, I grew up depressed b/c I didn't have a dad and I always thought my mom should find someone. She would date once in a while, but we ended up never liking her boyfriends, b/c we knew that they were never good enough for her. My mom never tells us anything bad about our father, ever. Sure there were times we wished he was in our lives, but as we got older is when things really changed, I would say teenagers is when we really got to understand more. You just have to stay positive and let her know that you love her and you will be there for her, she may get upset from time to time, it is natural.
Every year for fathers day, we get our mom a father's day card, and I always tell her she was both parents for me, not just a mother but also my father. She is my best friend in the world today, I would do anything for her. My mom is 61 now, and I love her more than anything, she even taught me from being the parent she is how to deal with my children. Just know you are doing a great job, and in the future she will appreciate you. You may not think so at times, b/c kids yell and blame their moms about the dads not being there, but the truth is, they don't understand until they live that part of life themselves and deal with relationships themselves. Stick in there, and just stay positive with her. Let her give you that father's day card. You deserve it.
2006-10-19 17:25:03 · answer #5 · answered by Becsteroni Magl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Their is no real way to make it better, She is going to hurt. II wish there was a way to make the hurt of not having one of your parents not their go way but theres not.its not your fault and your a good mom for trying to make her feel better. I think you should let her stay home form school, whats one day. When I was in grade school our class had a day when parents could come and spend the day with their kids. My mom had to go to work and I didn't have anybody their and I had to see the other kids with their parents.It never felt so alone in my life. The only thing you can do is keep giving her all the love you have and someday maybe if you can offer her the opportunity to meet her dad.
2006-10-19 15:31:36 · answer #6 · answered by lifesquestions? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At some point you need to make sure she knows that you are the one who made a mistake, and it is not her fault that she doesn't have a dad in her life. She does have a dad, he's just not there. Why have you not kept contact with him, for her sake? Does he give child support?
For school or group functions, you could substitute her grandfather, an uncle, etc. That might make things easier for her.
2006-10-21 00:50:49 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sons dad is the same way and I was a single mom for a long time. I just used to tell him he didn't need two parents because he had the best one!! Then we would spend some extra time together. I told him you can't make other peoples choices and it was his dads loss not his. He adjusted to it. Does she have a grandparent or uncle who is close to her? Maybe they could spend some extra time with her to help fill the gap. She will be fine, I am sure you love her enough for two parents- don't worry.
2006-10-19 11:09:05 · answer #8 · answered by therealprinsess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What about your dad? My neice does not have a father in her life so my dad,her granpa, goes to the father daughter dances with her and does anything that involves needing a dad. Tell her its ok to make him a card because he is a father too and she is loved by him more than anything.
2006-10-21 04:52:02 · answer #9 · answered by eric s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I would suggest that marriage is not to be viewed as a romantic merry go round but a social responsibility performed by two consenting adults to build the next generation society of responsible persons,.unlike the romantic rantings of poets or writers that it is a joyride designed for two uncaring young souls - If you can ; bring her dad into her life - if not into yours - unless you hate your child - or unless her dad is a kind of person you wouldn't want to let into her life -a very very bad person.
next is an answer I gave to a questioner who asked if it is not wiser to dismantle the institution of marriage, because most marriages seem to fail.
Marriage is necessary because a human baby takes nine months to mature in the womb during this period the mother has to be taken care of..For at least another five years the baby has to be taken care of, and taught the rudiments of living in this world, before it can even venture into the world. And again taken care of for another fifteen years before it can stand on its feet. Will anyone else take care of your baby for twenty long years and make the baby into a responsible part of the society? Will you take care of another persons' baby for twenty years and make him/her into a responsible part of the society? Can you suggest the guidelines for an institution which will replace this institution that you are proposing to be dismantled ? Without this seemingly clumsy institution society will revert to stone age in a couple of centuries.
2006-10-20 20:45:30 · answer #10 · answered by joey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋