my ex is gay?

Question

just saw a friend who I hadn't seen in 4 yrs. At the time, we were very close friends and ended up getting physical. I moved but we stayed friends who chatted every so often. Recently however, he came out as being gay (I am one of the first he's told) and says he's "always known" and while he wasn't "out" then, didn't want to hurt my feelings by not reciprocating. I'm happy for him, but I'm also confused, thinking of memories we shared. I can't help but feel extremely confused/ugly/unattractive/mis... for thinking he still thought about me romantically. I guess he was never physically attracted to me, but I remember he acted fairly aggressively at the time to let me know he was interested in me as more than a friend, especially since I'm not the type to ever initiate things. Was he attracted to me on any level? Did he at least think I was pretty? Why would he use me as a "cover" since no one else knew about our intimacy? He's also had longterm relationships in past. Please help

Answer 1

Girl, a lot of these questions can only be answered by him. But, my experience with this and other similar things tells me that he was probably confused by his feelings at that time. He wanted to see what it would be like to have a normal relationship with a girl, probably in hopes that he'd discover that he really wasn't gay at all. This is something that most gay people go through, and it usually leaves a trail of confused, broken hearts. I would think that he had to be attracted to you on some level in order to be physical with you. I mean, just because he's gay doesn't mean that he couldn't find you attractive, and he probably really hoped things would work out with you. In the end, he just couldn't keep living a lie. My guess is that it had nothing at all to do with you. He just had to be true to himself. I know it hurts, but you're being too hard on yourself. It's not your fault. You were just a learning experience for him.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Don't worry about it too much. After coming out he's probably a little confused. And even though he may have "always known", it doesn't make what you had any less special. There can be exceptions and it's possible he was attracted to you and is denying it now (When you make such a big life change it's often easier to dissociate yourself with anything you did that was the opposite of you decision in the past) It sounds more like an excuse. Between communities there is pressure guys are supposed to be 100% staight or 100% gay. And so when a guy "chooses his side" he'll often defend to the best of his abilty, even if he's only 95% on that side.

Answer 4

The ex-homosexual is a massive enemy of the gay neighborhood. They truthfully almost always despise ex-gays greater than they do Fred Phelps, considering that the ex-homosexual is evidence that difference is feasible. Of path, they are very joyful if ex-gays stumble or fall considering that they are saying that proves that "as soon as homosexual, continuously homosexual". That's nonsense. That's like pronouncing that one man or woman falling off the bandwagon proves that alcoholism is hopeless and drunks must simply study to are living with it. Based on the truth that human failings and incapability to stay with alterations by way of a few ex-gays proves homosexuality is unchangable than so is smoking, being chubby, doing medicinal drugs, and alcholism. People check out at all times to stop those matters and a few, and in a few circumstances such a lot, turn out to be failing. The change is that now not they all have a neighborhood and the entire media competent to welcome their failure as evidence fats individuals cannot shed some pounds, or people who smoke cannot quit quitting smoking.

Answer 5

Okay, yes, I have been here before.

Everything you are feeling is normal. Let me just say that first. You feel confused and betrayed. BUT, you have to realize that HE is the one that was confused. He had no idea what he was feeling at the time. He knows you are pretty (like girls think other girls are pretty without being gay) - and he probably, at the time, thought that he wasn't feeling what he SHOULD be so he tried to force it.

My gay ex-boyfriend could never keep an erection during sex. He explained to me later it was because he knew I was attractive, but he knew he didn't want me. At the time, when he said it - it hurt like an m'fer - but I am glad he explained it. And I am glad that he figured out what he really wanted in life. Even if it wasn't me.

One day, you will feel that way too.

Answer 6

Let me help you.

He is not just "gay". He is more than likely "bisexual".

If he made your forehead cave in during sex and you were feeling that AND he made you feel special during sex, he obviously is not practicing full-fledged gaydom at that juncture.

Gay men don't just flip-flop at their leisure or convenience.

However, it is possible to be so "into" sex that he is willing to have sex with men if they (the men) can "break him off" when ladies or his ole' girl won't give him the na na. And YOU KNOW y'all ladies are GOOD for holding off "the stuff" when we men are acting up!

Now, here's the kicker.

You are focusing on the wrong 'ish. Whether or not he thought you were pretty, attractive, etc. doesn't even matter. Y'all had what y'all had . . . great memories and great sex. And he probably kept the relationship with you, because he liked you and your personality and THE SEX, but at the same time, he was still trying to reconcile his THOUGHTS, BEHAVIOR and FEELINGS with his RELATIONSHIP with you.

He may have "come out" because he got "caught" being on the down low in another relationship. You just never know his motivation for "coming clean", but trying to sort out HIS MIND back then will bear NO FRUIT.

Move forward and good luck, and remember, some relationships last for a reason and some others just last for a SEASON.

Answer 7

I think he was attracted to you and was physical with you because he wanted to.. I don't think you were a cover i think he actually tried to develop a relationship with you because he thought he could be straight. You might know that your gay but in someway you try to push that away and act normal.. My brothers guy and he always had a girlfriend and then all of a sudden he was guy.. I think he liked all those girls but in the end he just accepted who he was.. Don't feel used ...

Answer 8

his gay and he went out with u.....that means he did have feelings for u. and also he didnt want to hurt ur feelings so he still wanted to be friends so u still likes u. u moved... and ur one of the first he told so that means he trusts u.

Answer 9

i think he thought you were preety but come on if hes gay hes gay. is he bi? if he is gay and has known all his life then its to cover up

Answer 10

its not like when your gay you dont see anybody as pretty or anything, but maybe he just changed or somethin