With the divorce rate at something like 60%, and the frustrating games and bullcrap of dating, what's the secret to maintaining a relationship or a marriage?
2006-10-19 09:13:51 · 24 answers · asked by koifox_104 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Yours is the best question I have seen on here, ever.
The secret is pretty simple, but a pretty foreign concept to most people, so it might take a little explaining. But the secret is love, genuine selfless love.
By love, I don't mean a feeling of affection or anything like that. Love isn't a feeling (though it can produce feelings, like affection). Love is selflessly giving of yourself to someone else regardless of how you feel or what you get in return. Love is a sacrifice, a comittment, a choice, and an action.
Marriages fail because of selfishness. Each spouse has in mind to get as much happiness out of that marriage as they can- they are just using that marriage for their own enjoyment. If their marriage doesn't make them happy, they get frustrated and discontent and the marriage breaks up. The thing is, you will never have happiness in a relationship unless you bring happiness into that relationship. A relationship isn't about what you can get from it, but what you can put into it. Love means your thoughts are more for the other person than yourself, that you genuinely care about them. The reason divorce is so much higher today than it used to be, is because people are so emotionally driven and out for themselves. If something doesn't make them happy, they give up and do something else instead of taking a look at themselves and taking responsibility for their own happiness. It is not your spouse's job to make yourself happy, it's yours.
People tend to have a fanciful idea about marriage, that their emotions will never change, and that it will bring them happiness. They don't prepare themselves for the reality, that there will be hard times, tough circumstances, and perhaps some emotional turmoil. Marriage is not a bed of roses. But real love can and will endure no matter what is thrown at it. It lasts even through the hard times, and prepares itself for them. Love lasts even when your spouse grows older and 'less attractive' (though if you love them, they may not seem less attractive!). Love is what happens when you take a realistic veiw of a relationship, and still want to be comitted to it for the rest of your lives.
I know this has been long, and I could honestly drone on about it longer, as love is so poorly understood, but I'll spare you :p
Still, I hope I could help! God bless!
2006-10-19 10:20:24 · answer #1 · answered by The Link 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone has crap you have to put up with. The trick is to marry the one you can tolerate the most. However people are changing continuously over time. I mean major changes. The only thing you can do is stick with it until it is impossible to do anymore. Don't let small things that are a problem get in the way of the bigger picture. Stay focused as to what the major problems are and if they cannot be resolved, I'm sorry but you became a statistic. Just don't give up without knowing you gave it all to resolve. You'll appreciate yourself for giving the effort and knowing it couldn't be worked out.
2006-10-19 16:22:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats easier than most think. Find someone that makes you happy.Yea your gonna eventualy fight, but always talk . an never leave each other mad.An giving alittle here an there realy doesnt hurt,, less your the only one giving an if thats the way your relationship is ,then thats your fault because you allowed it .An no theres no such thing as a 50/50 relation ship.Today you give 80/20 tomarrow he gives 80/20 its give an take
o yea always be honest an if you feel that he or she is the one then dont question it an dont go looking for "something better" becaus eif your happy there is nothing better.
2006-10-19 16:20:29 · answer #3 · answered by smpaj 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Treat your spouse the way you want to be treated in all things.
Respect your spouse.
Stick to each other especially when times get tough.
Establish and maintain trust.
Constantly court your spouse. Every one wants to feel attractive,especially after fifty years.
And last but not least, have fun with each other.
Hope you get more advice.
2006-10-19 16:24:30 · answer #4 · answered by Carrie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The secret is to never bring up the D word. Never entertain the thought.
2006-10-19 16:16:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good Question I am watching for the secret
2006-10-19 16:20:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The secret to maintaining a relationship is to NOT get married..lol
2006-10-19 16:16:55 · answer #7 · answered by bigbadwolf 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Lets see... The secret is to be 100% in love with each other and honest!
2006-10-19 16:15:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have not a clue at all.I know that marriage is just like having a job you want to keep your job you work hard at it but it is a joint effort.I would say that mostly I pray alot to God to give me peace ,love,& strength in my marriage & go from there.
2006-10-19 16:24:30 · answer #9 · answered by "karma" 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keeping a strong honest communication going, and trying not to change someone also might help!
2006-10-19 16:16:42 · answer #10 · answered by greatgiginthesky_80 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋