How do I deal with a defient 14year old? Can you spank at this age?

Answer 1

Probably not gonna get the point across like it use to. Instead set clear boundaries (rules),,, and what will happen if broken( take cell away, ground to bedroom for week, no tv, etc.) Enforce without compromise.

Answer 2

I have read that after 8 years old or so spanking becomes ineffective. Personally I find it is effective in some cases. But I have found this advice works very well. Do not lose your temper. Do not use loss of privileges as punishment. You as a parent could try rewarding in place of other negative options. If you start down a negative road it will only get worse. Ask your 14 year old "how can we fix this?". Children are full of energy; thoughts and information, if you make them part of the fix, they will no longer be part of the problem.

Answer 3

Every child is different, but I am sure that you would be grateful for a few pointers....

1) As long as your child is under your roof and you pay the bills, than you have every right to spank your child. For me the butt didnt do any good, so my mom took the wooden spoon to the knuckles and toes. Does the trick most of the time.
2) Grounging your child can help to. Take away things that your child enjoys, but be persistant. It might not work the first time, but keep trying the same things. Evetually there will be some improvements. When they goes somewhere follow them, make sure they are going where they say they are going. And dont let them do things when they are grounded... if you give them an inch, they will take a mile.

Answer 4

Spanking at 14 can become an issue if your child decides to tell someone else that you "beat" them.. Be very careful about laying hands (or belts, flyswats, etc) on a child - especially a defiant one.

I had a friend with a similar situation - only the child was 12 - and what her and her husband did was remove EVERYTHING from his room except his mattress, pillow and blanket, while he was at school. They told him that EVERYTHING he had was because they had given it to him and he needed to realize that if it wasn't for their love, care and support, he would have nothing. He was mad for a few days, didn't speak to them, stayed in his empty room, but once he realized that his actions were what got him in this situation, he began to change. I was truly amazing to see him turn around like he did. He began respecting his parents, helping out around the house, etc. They slowly but surely let him earn all his belongings back one thing at a time. It took about 6 weeks for him to get his stuff back. He learned that without his parents he would have nothing and getting what you want out of life was as easy as respecting others and PLUGGING in to his family. He is 17 now, a straight A student with a very ambitious outlook on life. I hope this helps! It will not be easy, but it will teach your child a VERY valuable lesson! Good Luck!

Answer 5

Spanking may work but not for long.
Remove things they like to do (video games, TV etc.)
Teens respond to their bedroom door being removed.
You can always remove everything from their room except the mattress. Explain you will pick out the clothes they wear and rule their life until they get their act together.
Whatever happens DO NOT give in until you get the corrections you need.
Good Luck

Answer 6

At this age usually deprivation of privelages has the most effect, up to and including removing all luxury items from the bedroom- to the point where there is only a bed and bible(or your version) in the room- also replace the entire wardrobe with gray sweat suits, he'll come around quickly enough.

Don't forget, no phone calls, no puter time, no video games, no going anywhere, no having friends over....

Answer 7

Since she's 14-years-old, she's a little bit too old for a spanking. Set some rules for her, so that way, when she does something wrong and breaks the rules, punish her. Besides, she needs to know the difference between right and wrong. Also, try to talk to her and find out why she's "acting" out.

Answer 8

spanking at any age isn't ideal, it teaches the child that when you're upset it is OK to hit.

I have 4 children (2, 4, 8, and 10). The oldest has ADHD and before being diagnosed had extreme troubles (a child with ADHD tends to have impulse control problems, so the first thing that comes to their mind gets said/done.... hence the behavior).
First, get yourself a book/video (from local library maybe?) called 1, 2, 3, magic. It tells you a system (without physical punishment) to discipline the child and still get the results you want.
I use that system in combination with another system called "My Reward Board" it tracks the child's chore chart as well as goals they make and allows them to keep track of points they earn (for doing their chores or meeting goals) they can also track allowance (if you do allowances - we don't, in our house we use the points from this board). For bad behaviors you are able to deduct points and the points accumulate for the child to "buy" things they want from the rewards (the rewards YOU create). The animations might seem a little corny to your 14 yr old, but the end result is still the same... the child will want to earn their rewards/privileges. (For a 14yr old you could use things such as staying up late, or staying out an extra hour, etc)

So for example: I have "go to the movies" as a 3000 point reward... so something they are able to earn approximately once a month. Then the child who gets that gets to go to the movies with the adult of their choosing (me, dad, or one of the grandparents) they also get a "snack pack" (which is popcorn, candy, and drink all kid sized) This is all paid for by the parents (me, in our case). The children who didn't earn their movie or chose to save for something else and didn't want to do the movie then stay at home with the other parent, or a babysitter, or a grandparent.... whomever we worked out for that day. It works well for them all (obviously we adjust chores/goals to fit the ages).

This program has a free trial to test it out... and then its a one time cost, you get any upgrades for free and can use it for up to 3 separate computers. http://www.MyRewardBoard.com

With ANY program consistency and positive reinforcement are key.

Good Luck

Answer 9

Yes you can, but at that age punishment usually works better than anything. Take away the phone, the games, and anything that may be fun. Also look into what is causing the defiance they may be having a bad experience at school.

Best Wishes!!

Answer 10

I think when a kid hits middle school, the spanking needs to stop. At 14, the kid is in high school... pretty much near adulthood. While he/she may not act like an adult, you need to treat him like one. Meaning that he/she should take responsibility for his/her actions. You should let him/her know there are dire consequences to his/her actions, and you will follow through with them. At the same time, you should not be waging war with him/her. You need to know when to be a friend and ease up.

There are so many reasons for kids to act defiant. Peer pressure, school, feeling constrained by authority figures, drugs, trying to be cool and fit in, on and on. Sometimes we forget how hard it is to be a teenager- they are trying to interact with maybe 100 different people their age on a daily basis. If I am correct, 14 is a freshmen in Highschool- a crucial year for a highschool...everyone is readjusting, making new friends, losing old friends, trying to fit in with a crowd, or blend in so they don't stand out.

At 14, I was not a bad kid, but I talked back, slammed doors, did poorly in school, and had yelling matches with my parents, and was ever hardly in a cheery mood at home. Mostly it was pressure from being in high school and then going home and also not being understood by my parents. It would have been nice to have my parents as friends who understood what was going on in my life, and not just as parents who only cared WHERE I was going in life.

My parents didn't have a reward or consequence system in place either. Which meant there was no incentive for me to listen to them or to better myself.

Working with children, I have learned that a reward system is necessary for some kids. The consequences to bad behavior need to be serious enough to make an impact on them, but you also need to offer them a chance to redeem themselves. So you could say "Because of this, you will not have phone privileges, but if I think your attitude improves, you will get them back. How quickly you get them back is up to you."

Alongside a system, it really does help to understand the root of the behavior and helping your teenager learn to deal with a particular problem that has arisen to cause the defiant behavior. Otherwise, you are just washing the surface.