I have two kids who don't see their mam/mom/mum
My 4 year old son is asking me alot lately where is mam/mom/mum is but i don't have an answer.
Do i tell him what i know that his mam can't be bothered with him or shall i do what i am doing and avoid the question?
My daughter knows whats what but she doesn't talk about it either
2006-10-19 08:17:54 · 46 answers · asked by Jay 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
In am writing mam/mom/mum so people know.
I for one use the word mam and my kids do..others use mum and americans use mom so i thought i would explain that
2006-10-19 08:24:00 · update #1
How old are you kids?
What country are you in?
2006-10-19 08:20:16 · answer #1 · answered by Ah! 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its best to tell your son the truth and explain that mummy has some problems that need fixing at the moment and she won't be around to see you until maybe in the future. You can't say that she can't be bothered otherwise it'll make the kids feel as if they are the ones that have done something wrong plus she may reappear in the future a reformed woman. Why can't she be bothered? Thats so out of order people like her should not have had kids.
2006-10-19 08:23:58 · answer #2 · answered by caroline b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him that mom/mam/mum, loves him very much, but just can't be here for him right now. If he want s to know why, I would say she has things she needs to take care of before she can be here. If he wants to know what I would say I don't know that for sure.
I would never tell a child that the other parent isn't interested in being in their life. Even if it's true. Life is cruel enough and they will learn it soon enough on their own, but when they are small they should feel as if both parents love them, even if it's not true.
2006-10-19 08:24:54 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Avoiding the question won't make it go away...you have to answer as best you can so your child can understand. Not a lie necessarily, but a fib if you will. SInce he's 4, his level of understanding is only so. Try saying "Mam has been very busy, and I'm sure she would like see you if she could. And I know you miss her loads, I'm sure she misses you too, but Dad is here." You'll be surprised at the way he'll handle this. And I'm very sorry for you. To be a single parent is hard, to be a single dad is even harder....
2006-10-19 08:30:50 · answer #4 · answered by Yahoo! Answers Chic 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow. That's a tough situation. You're kids are fortunate to have a parent that cares. I say you tell your children the truth, in age appropriate terms of course, what they can handle and when they can handle it. Only you will know the what and when.
I am a single parent, as well, and my child asks about the absent parent too. I have responded that the person was just not ready to be a parent, but it's about that person, not my child. So far, it's been received well and there doesn't seem to be any negative affects from what I've said. Simple, yet the truth...while making sure my child gets that it was about the other person and not about them.
I wish the best for you and your children.
2006-10-19 08:24:28 · answer #5 · answered by Grá 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No man that is just what you dont do i mean im no expert in this but I grew up in foster homes and my mom never wanted me and I think that it was better that I new because now that im grown I am ready and know what to expect from her when i went to find her she is so negitive but my bro and my sis never learned like me so pretty much every thing she say to them hurts them that much more she also takes advantage of them all the time so i think you should tell him why he cant see his mom or what is going on he will under stand it might be hard for him to hear it but it pays off down the line
2006-10-19 08:33:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't tell your son that him mum can't be bothered with him. Tell your son that his mum is busy, and that it's unfortunate, but atleast he has his sister and you. Don't avoid the question. Children are good at picking that up.
As for your daughter - i would sit down and talk to her about her mum. It'll be harder on her in a way as she's older and knows what's going on. Make sure she understands that you love her, and won't leave her.
2006-10-19 08:21:27 · answer #7 · answered by Strange1am 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello Jay,
I think you have to put your self in their situation and try to think how you would feel later on if you were lied to. I would tell them you don't know where mum is, and that she may have reasons for not seeing them, but you don't know what they are. And in the mean time that you all have each other, and when mum gets in touch handle the situation as it unfolds. All the time thinking what's best for them and there health physically and mentally in this situation. I wouldn't lie or evade the questions though. And I would try not to let your daughter think that you are afraid to talk about it with her because you don't want her to shut her feelings off from you.
2006-10-19 09:08:55 · answer #8 · answered by : 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would make an excuse for their mum's absents.
Its important for you because it is important that your children will make there own choice about what they feel about there mum
If you tell them the truth now they might take it badly and when they get older you may get the blame
let the children decide for themselves but i would hide the truth and hopefully in time they well learn for themselves and understand it a lot more.
Just be there for them so that your children know that they can come to you and ask the questions that they want to ask and that you can answer them the best you can and help them to the best of your ability.
good luck
2006-10-19 10:05:16 · answer #9 · answered by blondegirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I raise step children that were left by there mum
Just explain in simple terms that sometimes mummy and daddies fall out of love and split up and the children will live with one or the other..........
Say and it was decided that you guys would come and live with daddy which you are really glad about cause you love them lots and lots.........
If your little one ask why mummy does not visit, just explain its because it happens like that sometimes and perhaps one day when he is old enough he can track his mum down and ask her.....
That way they know your not putting obstacles in there way and they just hold on to that hope of the question being answered....
Children are very clever good luck xx
2006-10-19 08:30:32 · answer #10 · answered by xXx Orange Breezer xXx 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think it really depends if you think he can cope with knowing about his mum you know your son better than anyone really if he is happy then i would put it of for a while but what do you say A my son your mother doesn't wont to know you NO i don't think so that is not a good idea that could really upset him just be a good dad and show him loads of love some time some things are best left alone you could do more damage than good if you tell him
2006-10-19 08:34:10 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋