What is a good effective punishment for a 9 year old who is lying and stealing in order to be popular?

Question

My 9 year old took some long sexy earings out of my jewerly box, stuck them in her backpack and wore them at school without my permission. When I found the earings while doing the wash, I confronted her. She told me the truth, so I took tv time away for 2 days and made her write 100 sentences. When I picked her up the next week, she wore a black beaded choker on. I ask her where did she get it, she replied, "My friend Juliet gave it to me". I told her that it was not appropriate for her age and she needed to return it the next day. Later on I thought, and said to her, "Please tell me that you did not take that out of my jewerly box, she confessed she did. I sat her down, we cried together, and I found out she was trying to impress a boy. Well, I let it slide, just that once, as long as there were no more lies between us. 3 weeks later she now has a lock on her backpack, which I broke off, found make up and old cell phones that she took from someones house, because everyone has them

Answer 1

First, I would have her tell the person that she stole these items from, that she indeed did so. As it was an old cell phone, it's likely the person will think it just junk and not worth making a fuss over, but still, your daughter needs to learn the lesson that stealing is stealing. You want to nix it before it grows to stealing from stores or worse.

Second, maybe you can arrange something with your daughter to make available appropriate accessories. Obviously, she likes your jewelry, but maybe there is a way where she can wear something just a bit more grown up than she currently has. Not trying to buy her off, but she does want to look good, and wants jewelry or accessories that will give her positive feedback from friends. It's ok to have some nice things, but not ok to take them from others.

Punishment is one thing, but learning to behave properly is the goal. Whatever sort of punishment you come up with, make sure that the lesson in it is not something that will be misunderstood or missed.

Answer 2

Number one, you should take all the valuables in your house and put them somewhere she can't find them. She can't get into your jewelry box if she doesn't know where it is.

If she's wanting to impress a boy with her jewlery talk to her about going to the store and buying her her own jewelry or make-up that she could wear. Having her own, 'grown-up' make-up and jewelry might help to mitigate the problem.

About the old cell phones. First, confront her on them. Let her know that this was not the right thing to do. Take her down to the local police office and have one of the officers talk to her. Explain to her that she could end up here if she continues to steal and lie like she has been doing. Even it means stretching the truth some, let her know how serious stealing and lying is. Once she's more mature you can tell her what really happens when you get caught stealing.

Answer 3

Well- you have a really bad situation with you child. The only thing i suggest you do is get to know her. See what she lieks waht fashion stuff she's into and when you go to the mall with her let her tell you what she likes. Despite why she's doing what she's been doing sounds like she wants atention not only from boys maybe from friends too. If what she likes ar e decent clothes and to wear make-up, jewelry etc. look into it with her. Let her wear gloss at least for now, maybe small earigns and watch how she dresses. Suggest that if she wants something really bad- she needs to ask for your approval of it then maybe get teh money from you by helping out in the house with chores so she can get that new shirt she wants or earings. Don't do what my mom did to me when i was little (i'm now 24) . I did the same things to my mom that your daugher si doing to you but iw as like 12-13. The only difference was that i'd steal make up from the store so i can wear it to school. When i told my mom i wanted her to buy me some at least lip gloss she said NO!!! and that was the end of it even if i compromised to do chores to earn it she said no. So i kept doing it and doing it unitl one time- i got caught with a friend at a store trying to steal eyeshadow. They called my mom and her mom and we got in big trouble that day. My mom started crying whenwe got home but because she then knew that what i stole was something i ahd asked and begger her to buy me and she wouldn't. Even though it was wrong of me to do that with my friend my mom realized then that she's rather buy it for me before i get it some other way. I'm not saying this is what your daughter is gonna do but it doens't mean it can't and won't get to that point. Talk to her, have some communication. Get to know her likes and dislikes. OF course is she wants a shirt that is too slutty for her you're not gonna buy it but negotiate with her from (for example) tube tops to spaggetti straps (just an example i don't what what she likes knowing she's little but you get the picture. If there's something she wants and you can't afford- talk to her and work something out so she can do shores over a period of time (2weeks etc) until you can buy it for her. All i'm saying is don't blame her for what she's done but- try to control in NOW!! because if you don't it can excalate to what happened to me. You really don't want that good luck. Any help- email me [e-mail]

Answer 4

Take her to the police station and explain to her what happens to people when they steal.

I understand that you might not want to discipline her the old fashioned way, but try not to cry in front of her- it shows her that your are weak in your decisions and you need to be stern and put your foot down.

Then if her behavior progresses, take her to get some cute, simple earrings- nothing fancy. She is a girl after all.

Good luck.

Answer 5

FIRSTLY ASK YOURSELF "WHY" She is clearly unhappy about something, may-be she is feeling left out - at home or at school.
Can she have some jewelery of her very own, with the promise that she will not wear it at school. This child definitely needs love and understanding before anything else. Why should she be punished for wanting to be accepted by others. ?

Answer 6

have you tried grounding. No tv, home right after school, no friends over--just take everything away. if that doesn't work i would try counseling. if that don't work i would have her arrested (mocked of course) and maybe she will get some sense scared into her. Good Luck

Answer 7

she needs to not be allowed to go out. or a spanking. this girl is going to be pregnant by 12. she has no respect for you. try grounding her for 2 weeks. no going out, no friends over, no tv. if she lies, she loses something, like her favorite toy, game, clothing. she needs to know there are consiquesnce. and she needs to know that lying is the wrost way to get a boy to like her.

Answer 8

It appears that you are a single parent. How is your daughter meant to learn about moral coding when her mother is lax on conforming to laws be they unwritten laws of society. A little like the blind leading the blind here I fear. If any child of mine did anything like you have described I'd place his or her fingers under an open window frame and threaten to slam the window down on their hands if I ever even suspected they had done anything to bring shame to the family home. The visual pictures in their mind of the outcome will turn them from even thinking about stepping out of line.

Answer 9

well have her go to a friends house fr about one hour and den you go to the police station and ask the police officers to tell her that when she grows up, the consiquences are going to be worse and then take your daugher to tha police staion and den tell the police offcier totalk to her

Answer 10

you really want to teach her a lesson? have a police officer talk to her. Obviously talk with him first, so he understands the situation, and then he can talk to her and tell her that he's going to arrest her and what not. If that doesn't scare her straight, I don't know what to tell you.