My mother in law and sister in law hate me and I dont know what to do!?

Question

so first things first.. they never liked me .. me and him have been together for 7 years... so like its been years now and I have a two year old a grandson a nephew to them. They complain about me "keeping my son from them" But the truth is I am uneasy around them.. the tension is thick... of course I stay away.

My husband needs advice on how to handle this.

I am hurt and confused and I dont know what to do.

btw I dont like the idea of my son visiting them without me present so you could imagine how big this problem is!!

Answer 1

I know this problem, I live this problem.

I have found that the only thing that works for us, has been to unfortunately cut them out of our lives. I understand that they are a part of your extended family but putting your child in "harm's way" especially a place that you are not comfortable with just isn't fair to your son.

You have to think of your son first in these instances and so does your Hubby. Unfortunately for you, your Husband has to accept and communicate to his family that his roles have changed.

He is a Husband first, a Father second, a Son third, a Brother fourth ... and so on and so forth. If his family can't accept that, then the best bet is just focus on your family, setting the example you feel is best for your son and moving on with your life without his family.

You shouldn't have to deat with his ignorant family. If you and your Hubby aren't careful, his family may be the reason for a divorce down the road as opposed to their being problems in your marriage.

Best of luck.

Answer 2

Hey, you're really not alone on this. There is a whole generation of husband who can't stand up to their mothers/family members because they were raised to not cause any waves. I know you have indicated that you've talked to your husband; however, it is very important that this topic comes up in a very dramatic way. Even though he is not causing these atrocious behaviors, he really should grow some sense and some spine when he sees how his family treats the woman he loves. And just so you know, your feelings about your husband is perfectly justified. When he married you---he promised to love you, protect you, and be there for you when times are bad(or good!). You are going through bad times whenever his mother and sister purposely make you feel unwelcome and unworthy. Your feelings are closer to frustration---not hate. This ultimatum talk will really have to be set in a way that your husband realizes that you mean business. Both of you should approach the mother and sister together as a UNITED team. It can't be only you speaking to them and he's just standing there nodding or looking away. Angry words will spread but you have to let them know that you don't want to continue fighting or hating them---you just want a peaceful family life. If this does not improve, I am sorry to say that some people are just hateful and I can guarantee that they wont' improve with age.

Answer 3

I'm sure you don't want to hear this, but the problem sounds like it is YOU. You say your in-laws hate you, but you give no evidence. You admit you are keeping your child away. There is absolutely no reason why your son can't visit without you unless there are safety issues you didn't mention. Why are you so paranoid and insecure? Grow up. Interaction with your in-laws is a necessity of your marriage. My in-laws and I will never be completely at ease with each other; we have too many differences, but that doesn't keep the family from getting together. If you can't handle home visits right now, go to a playground, have lunch at a restaurant, visit a zoo or children's museum. The opportunity to have relationships with extended family is too precious to waste.

Answer 4

Call a meeting and you your husband and them sit down and talk this out. This will either resolve the problems or make things worse. If you are unable to resolve the problems then you have some hard choices to make.

You son will soon start picking up on the tension.

or when you go visit. Act like nothing is wrong and be pleasant, friendly and talk a lot. TO THEM and talk about anything. They get snide keep right on talking.

Answer 5

Get them both together. Ask them why they hate you, let them know that that is the impression you are getting if they deny it . Which I'm sure they will. Then let them know that you are not comfortable with your son being with people who dislike you. Doesn't matter who they are. Your husband should let them know that they are showing him severe disrespect and a total lack of regard for his feelings in rejecting the woman he loves and the mother of his child. And then they have the nerve to complain.
In the meantime if they dont come around prepare yourself to act like they don't exist. You deserve more. Dont let them come between you and your husband. Dont blame him for their behavior just insist that he talk to them.
But you definately need to confront them, dont be afraid just think if you want it to continue for another 20 yrs. Or worse break up your marriage. Dont worry about how they will feel, think about how they've made you feel all these years, then go ahead and let them have it.

Answer 6

several things are in motion here and they are all bad. But, the good thing is ur husband is wanting to sort it all out. An open conversation about how they make u feel is certainly in order. It is likely, however, that they know this already. It is also smart that you dont let your son visit without you present -- we all know what will happen there. LOL.
So, I think you have to speak to them individually and explain how you feel about the relationship. Then talk to your husband about the conversations AND then he should talk to them by himself. I know several people in the same boat and it is a tough situation to be in. But the reality is, it is your life and your family and that is #1.

Answer 7

Dear One,

I could've written this question myself. Unfortunately, I have no solution to offer, only my heartfelt sympathy and support. Some women are not socialized to see other women as the sisters we should be, but competition for men (and smart woen know that most men are booby prizes, at best! I am kidding, my man is a very nice man, but a little levity is often helpful.)

Maybe, if you are a stronger woman than I, you could "kill them with kindness." send flowers, caeds, andcookies when appropriate. It will either win them over or irritate them like crazy, because mean people go NUTS when there cattiness is met with kindness.

We women need to learn that we are all sisters at heart, and staet treating one another as such. Women are the stronger sex, and within us is the power to create love and harmony.

When it hurts, think of your sister in Ohio - drop me a line anytime; motown_annie@ yahoo.com. Miserable people ultimately make themselves the most unhappy. Lust love your husband in the best way you can, let your monster in laws they are always welcome to see your boy, and if they don't like that, there are nursing homes filled with Grandparents who would love your little one. i see no problem in that you want to be with your son during visits. He's a 2 year old baby, not a third year law student.

You seem like a kind, insightful lady, trust your instincts!

Your Sister in In-Law issues,

Anne
P.S. Sorry I didnt solve the problem!

Answer 8

In every situation someone has to step up to the plate and be the bigger person.

You have been married to this man for 7 yrs and yet you haven't taken the initative to *turn the other cheek* per say. Or *let by gones be by gones* per say.

Apparently you are in this marriage to your husband for the *long hull*. I suggest that you put your *uncomfortable feelings* around his family, to rest once and for all. I understand that tension is thick. However, it doesn't need to be. I know that people don't always like eachother, and for whatever reason there are energies that we put off that conflict with other peoples energies. Resulting into *uncomfortable feelings* around eachother.

You are apart of that family, someone needs to make a *REAL* effort to *get along* and to *make things OK*.

Your husband and your child are the ones that are being torn apart here. This is your husbands family and he loves them dearly, he may not always or ever agree with them, he married you despite them giving their blessings or not, but nonetheless, he loves them. Your child should have a relationship with your husbands family, regardless of wether you are there or not.

You make a REAL effort to clean the air, and not be uncomfortable with your husbands family, which is also YOUR family too, and you will see them come around one by one, slowy but surely. Someone has to start somewhere, and you are the one here asking for help. So I know you want to do something here. Step up to the plate, take your roll as the daughter-in-law, and make a move that says you are excepting, and you really want to be excepted. Life is toooooooo short for these kinds of wedges in our lives. Be the bigger person here, and put your differences aside, and allow yourself to love his family, regardless if you are loved in return................ because your husband sure does love YOU. Blessed be..........

Answer 9

Are you sure they hate you? Or do they just feel uncomfortable around you because you don't have a whole lot in common. I felt the same way with my sister in law, and I found out she just didn't know what to say to me. Try to find things you can do together that all of you like, or at least semi-like. If they still act like this towards you, let your husband know how you feel and maybe he can talk to them.

Answer 10

first of all your son should have nothing to do with this .like you said they are his grandma and aunt ..so he should be aloud to see them with out you have your husband take him over there. since it is his family and he needs to let them know he will bring your son to visit but will not tolerate any kind of remarks about you that are negative ... and how to deal with them .. well we don't know the hole situation but maybe you all three need to sit down and have a talk .. just remember to keep your cool and listen to there side and if you see that it is getting out of hand then stop the conversation and tell them that you want to work this out because you are all family now but they need to meet you half way to resolve the problem . If they are unwilling to do this then you tried everything you can and you just need to go on with your life and be happy .. but please don't keep your son from them he needs to know them they are his family and as long as they don't talk about you in front of him there shouldn't be a problem... good luck