I am really struggling here with the fact that my boyfriend left me and moved out of our apartment last week. It hasn't been as easy for me to handle as it is for him.
He just emailed me that he found and apartment with his friend and wants to pick up the rest of his stuff the day he moves in a month.
Why is it so easy for a guy to turn his back on a life he had with someone and get a bachelor pad within 1 week? Also, is he implying that my apartment will act as storage for his furniture until his moving day?
I feel crushed and alone. I'm 30 years old, I'm not a child here. Any advice for me?
2006-10-19 06:47:25 · 16 answers · asked by apriljm76 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He has been thinking of this for a long time. It isn't a week. Guys have broken hearts as well. He just never told you. That right there says a great deal. After you heal and feel better, you'll put a little more emphasis on communicating in your next relationship. Life is about learning and improving. Sometimes the lessons are painful. Spend more time with your friends and admit that this guy was not really right for you. Then go out and get the right one. As far as his stuff...do what you feel is right. Don't do something you will regret; and that includes letting him use you if that's how you feel. You can keep it or you can tell him to store it. Just start letting go and you'll be on the right track.
2006-10-19 06:57:15 · answer #1 · answered by Steve M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Guys are so different from women. Maybe he was done way before he found the guts to tell you. I know it is so hard but the best way to move on is to chalk it up to a learning experience and move on. Go out and have some fun with the girls and when you are least expecting to find love again...it will be right there in front of you. Don't look at it like this is the end of your life but more so the start of some wonderful new beginnings. On the other hand, maybe he just needs some space to realize you are the right one. I am sure he won't be able to stand it when he finds out you are not having as hard of a time moving on as he thought you would. As far as him picking up his stuff...I would do one better... Have it all packed and ready to go so that it is not lingering around your house. Best wishes to you.
2006-10-19 13:55:23 · answer #2 · answered by Acid Burn 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know why it's so easy for guys. I guess that's just the difference between men and women. As for the part where his stuff is supposed to stay there for a month???? HA! I would tell him that's a good one, and tell him it will be outside waiting for him whenever he (or someone else) wants to pick it up. Sorry you are going through this. You'll find someone who will appreciate you and treat you right and not turn their back on you...it will happen. As for him, obviously it's not hurting him...so just get together with some friends and have some laughs over his sorry *** and forget about it--you don't need that! : )
2006-10-19 13:54:59 · answer #3 · answered by ANGEL 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What your feeling is normal. You've suffered a loss and there is nothing wrong with mourning that loss. I think your ex is just doing what he needs to in order to cope with the situation and get on with his life. It is probably only easy at the moment because he isn't dealing with his feelings but instead is trying to drown it by spending a lot of time out with his friends and focusing on getting a new place. The first step in dealing with this for you is to tell him to get his stuff out of your place now and not let him use your place as a storage facility. He left you so he needs to step up and finish moving out so you can move on. The next step will be for you to focus on you. Start by redoing the apartment in a way that looks good to you and makes you feel good. Then start getting out and focusing on doing things you like to do and having a good time.
2006-10-19 13:53:38 · answer #4 · answered by rkrell 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He probably is hurting but men have a better way of hiding emotional pain then woman. Let him know that he needs to get all of his stuff and put it in storage because you will not be used for his convience. Im sorry this happened to you but you have to get over him. Anybody that can pick up andleave that quick and easy probably already premediatated this idea or wasnt really into it like you were.
2006-10-19 13:53:12 · answer #5 · answered by BabyGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish I had the answer you were looking for. I too am 30, and when I was 29, my latest bf moved out of our home. I was crushed for the longest time. We lived there for 2 yrs together. He was so happy and OK with everything, and I would sit in the livingroom just remembering him there and all that we had done and all the meals we shared watching good movies together. I wanted to move and get out so bad, but money wasn't there for me to do that. And it still isn't. I am still there over a year later.
He was so content with moving on with his life, and he too left his furniture at my home until I had enough of seeing him, without actually seeing him, and made him move it or he was going to lose it all. I became angry and bitter, and felt smoothered in his belongings, like I was constantly being reminded of him and he wasn't physically there to do that to me. But all of his things were.
It has taken me some time but I am ok in our once shared home.. and I am ok with knowing he wasn't for me, and as far as I can see, until he grows up, he isn't GOOD for anyone else either.
I am sorry that you are so hurt, and seeing him go on with his life like he made this grand desicion to leave you behind. I realized that my ex didn't and doesn't love me.......... that is the only reality I could come up with for why he was so content in our breakup. I know that you will be ok. You may not see it now. But you will. I do encourage you to get his things out as soon as possible. Him having nowhere to put it is his problem, not yours. Memories can be haunting enough, but being surrounded by that persons things and their life.....can be even harder then the one that wants to keep it there, even realizes themselves. Good luck to you. Blessed be.................
2006-10-19 13:59:00 · answer #6 · answered by shy&gental 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him your apartment is not a storage shed. Make him get his stuff and go! Men make things seem easy, but a lot of the time they didn't want anything but sex, and they don't care who they hurt in the process. Let him go, and tell him to get his stuff and take it with him!
2006-10-19 13:54:14 · answer #7 · answered by panda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chuck his stuff into the street: its his, not yours, and its him that wants out. Sure, itmay sound childish, but you're right: he is thinking of using your place as a storage facility: don't let him have that liberty on top of everything else! The alternative is to say you never received his email, and that you thought he didn't want anything he'd left behind, so you threw it out. He's just using you, and it isn't on. Make the b**tard suffer!
2006-10-19 13:52:26 · answer #8 · answered by Ollie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
looks like hes been thru it before, its common for guys to get kicked out of a girls life. So guys have to learn a way how to deal with it. guys dont usually kick a girl out, unless she did something terrible! because we are too kind to women! But only time can cure your sitiuation. Im just giving you advice. Good luck
2006-10-19 13:53:12 · answer #9 · answered by vaiosoft 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first off you dont need a loser like that. if i wasnt married id mos def hang out with you and have a beer. and maybe puff a joint lol. you neeed to tell him to pick up his shitt today and if not it will be thrown on the curb.find a real man to take care of you good luck babe.holla back if you need someone to talk too. or a shoulder to cry on.
2006-10-19 13:52:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋