I have a friend whom Ive known for 2yrs now and recently we spoke and told how we felt about each other, however she is not ready to be with me as she needs time to get over an abusive relationship, Question i have is i felt she Mislead me when she told me she wanted to be with me so we did and now she thinks she is not ready she told me alot of nice things about how i make her feel and how she feels about me as i did with her. but now she needs time and isnt ready to be with me, how do i deal with it? i told her to take all the time she needs but like i said i feel mislead and kinda feel like im hanging by a string...
please serious advise only....Thank you
2006-10-19 06:38:39 · 12 answers · asked by brneyes7190 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
She's not misleading you (that implies deliberate deception). She's confused and isn't sure what she needs right now. She just got out of a difficult situation, and needs time to sort herself out. An abusive relationship can make you doubt your self-worth, your judgement, and other people's sincerity.
It sounds like she likes you, but can't give you what you need/deserve quite yet. If you really like her, stop expecting her to have the right answer right when you ask for it. Give her time to heal and be her friend until she's ready for more.
2006-10-19 06:44:32 · answer #1 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She didn't mislead you, she went through a very traumatic experience and is trying to cope with it. I separated from my husband a year ago, and sometimes I feel like I'm really ready to get back out there and meet people and get into a serious relationship, and other times I feel like a complete emotional wreck and that I shouldn't be dating at all.
My advice is to just give her the time she needs, don't force it or you'll regret it later. You aren't commited to her, so by all means go out and date, you don't need to sit around waiting for her. When the time is right it'll happen if it's meant to be.
2006-10-19 13:46:23 · answer #2 · answered by who-wants-to-know 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ick, sad to say I have actually been in that situation before. The guy promised me this big future, then all of the sudden changed his mind and said he wasn't ready to settle down. In all reality, he was still seeing/having issues with his ex, who had caused him all this pain and trauma. She had his head going in all 4 directions hence= his confusion towards me.
Either you took some of her signals too seriously throughout the time you have known her. Or, something has made her change her mind about you. And speaking as a woman, I have to say, it's usually because there is another man/men who is sharing her focus right now. If I were you, I would lay low, until she decides what she wants, as hard as that might be. You will push her away more if you pester her about it.
2006-10-19 13:55:01 · answer #3 · answered by ~Miss Molly~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 2 yrs, she should know exactly how she feels about you and want to "be with you". She may be using the abusive past relationship as a way to buy more time. Since you already told her to take the ALL the time she needs, you are in a pickle.
But I think you should sometime fairly soon, have a show-down.
Ask her to be honest with you ... where is this relationship going? kind of thing.
2006-10-19 13:51:22 · answer #4 · answered by Patricia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best relationships have a strong foundation. Give her the time she needs, if you respect her wishes she will think more of it and trust you for it. People are always in a big rush and have no patience. If it works out in the long run, what is a little time? After my last bf, I told myself I was taking a year off from dating. When she said she wanted to 'be with you' she probably meant as a person and a friend (not sex) which is what men always think this means. It is always best to be friends with someone first before you get emotionally attached to someone. Give her time and I bet your patience will pay off.
2006-10-19 13:46:16 · answer #5 · answered by sunsetigerlily 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friend had the same problem as your gf..
you have to tell her "that you are ready to help her to get over the past..that you'll be always there for her..that you are different..that she needs to move on with her life .."she needs someone to assure her that everything is going to be fine ..she needs hope ..
my friend has a bf who told her that and made everything to prove his good intentions and now she's happy and she 's got over a very bad past ..
you have to be serious and honest..and especially patient..
If you can't then leave her to heal alone ..
If she says No ..then at least you've tried ..
good Luck .. :)
2006-10-19 13:48:44 · answer #6 · answered by ^^ANGEL^^ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People as a rule are not equipped to jump from one relationship to another, those that do are called re bounders, and it does not usually work. She really does need some breathing space, and you did tell her to take all the time she needs, I think you had hopped that she would jump at the chance to be with you, and now are disappointed, you can if you wish keep yourself in her sights with small gestures of your affection, a single rose, a pretty card to say hello, all sorts of thinking of you cards, an occasional concerned phone call, Stay in the light,but she has to come to you. Best of luck
2006-10-19 13:47:06 · answer #7 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not take offense to that yet. She may be telling you the truth. By "being" together, she may have realized that things are happening faster than she is ready for. Give her the time and space. If it is meant to be then it will work out.
2006-10-19 13:43:06 · answer #8 · answered by madevali 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This morning I woke up with a dream of wearing a fur coat and a beautiful rolex watch, gold with diamonds. Gems and gold at my reach. That was just a dream, telling me that I had all of the riches I need. Happiness.
Just let her know that you are happy and that her happiness means alot to you.
HEY, I answered wrong question! SORRY.....
2006-10-19 13:43:43 · answer #9 · answered by Ohmyheaven 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i had the same experience as that girl, i would definately wait for her. if she wasnt serious then she wouldnt have said that
2006-10-19 13:56:40 · answer #10 · answered by Rochellelynn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋