I am 18 and my father is dying. He had a heart attack and the lack of oxygen caused him to fall into a persistent vegetative state (PVS). It has been two months and now we are told he has a couple days to "live". What he is in right now is not really much of a life, so although I am very upset, he is a strong Christian and I know he will go to a better place. I just started my first year of university and I'm having problems focussing, but I know my dad would want me to be here. Aside from this, my 15 year old sister and my mom and living by themselves and I'm not sure what to do. We're all handling grief in a different way, but my sister especially holds it all inside. I'm very concerned that in the future all our emotions could build up and explode. I'm just not sure what steps I should be taking to combat this and to help my family.
2006-10-19 06:33:31 · 19 answers · asked by Missy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
in response to keypointist, i'm not even angry at God and i would definitely not be able to cope if i was an atheist. God is the most important person in my life ..
2006-10-19 09:52:26 · update #1
Wow its almost like I wrote that..I too was 18 when my dad passed away from cancer. My sister was 15 also. It is very hard. And you never "get over it" and you will miss him forever. But time does heal us. And the pain does heal. Keep strong in your faith. And keep an extra eye on your sister. It has been 20 years since my dad has been gone, my sister has still not dealt with his death and is a miserable person living a miserable life. Email me anytime if you need to vent. My thoughts and prayers are with you..
2006-10-19 06:54:04 · answer #1 · answered by Sunspot Baby 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"To the organized mind, death is but the next adventure." a quotation which is easy to say, but hard to do. Be there at your father's side if you can. Minister to him and show him your love for the little amount of time that is left for him. Things happen for a reason. Only the mastermind of all creation, knows why. Accept the truth with an open mind so you could make his few days happy. Perhaps it would be better to see him go sooner, than seeing him everyday bed ridden, suffering and unable to move. If you are part of some church, they would be willing to help you at this stage... or you could request a get together with your sister and mom so you could all comfort each other. Friends could also help too. Acceptance plays a very important role...Accept reality in a positive manner and always remember, there is always a reason for things that happen to us.
2006-10-19 06:47:40 · answer #2 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry about your dad. That's got to be really hard.I'd have to say that it sounds like your little sister especially needs to go to grief counseling. You actually sound like you are handling a very tough situation very well but would probably benefit from either counseling or a support group. And really be there for your mom. I can't even imagine how hard it would be to lose your spouse so early. Good luck ;-)
2006-10-19 06:38:16 · answer #3 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as you say, we all deal differently. Surround your dad with love, he might not be concious, but he may know you are there, tell him how much you love him and hold his hand. Try to talk to your sister, maybe she could get into some counselling. There are grief groups on the net, MSN has a great group. Keep surrounded by family and friends and love.
Take good care
2006-10-19 06:43:47 · answer #4 · answered by dogriver 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear the news but this is probably not what you want to hear right now but this one time I was asked the same question about death so I got right worried and got up from my table which I was at to go and dance to a song called dancing to the queen of hearts if you can remember that song. I hope this answer can bring a smile to you. I hope so. Again I am sorry for your loss.
2006-10-19 07:15:27 · answer #5 · answered by CURIOUS 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through this with my mom when I was in college. She died and I was so lost and confused for a long time. Each of us in the family handled it differently. Just be there for each other. When your sister finally lets it out, be there for her listening. There aren't many words to comfort you right now, but prayer does add some comfort.
I am so sorry for you at this time, and God Bless Your Family.
2006-10-19 07:03:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, many people go through this and get through this in their own way. We humans forget that God looks and says "I want you, you come home now" and we don't know whom he will pick next. It sort of selfish that we want people here with us all the time, when God sometimes wants them THERE. He is not gone, he's just not here. The fact that your sisters HAS her mother there is a plus, YOU need to pull forward and continue school, don't back-track in your life.
My uncle died last week and his son left Army boot camp for 5 days, then returned back, I think if he wouldn't of, he would of drowned in a pool of depression and never would of signed up to go back. But he knows that his dad would not approve him quitting so HE PULLED FORWARD. PULL FORWARD!!
2006-10-19 06:39:00 · answer #7 · answered by bg4804 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sister i've been in your shoes six years ago after loosing my dad of same heart attack. I'm a christian and so is my dadit never was easy with me cos of my younger brother. and my mum, you know what i got consuld when i got to experience God the Holy spirit as a comforter. I had my convintion about death and grieve i got home to encourage everyone when they saw my joy they had no option but to join me in the faith but that was after enough fasting and praying, God had his way they are saved and convinced that dad's in heaven and that remove all questions and doubt. abt life generally we trust in god and his beign of help to all our unanswered question.
I just hope that God will so answer you if u call him in the case of your family cos He's faithful at all time even in grieve and death. remember tah tdeath is the enemy to be destroyed. and in it the Holy spirit is their. LOL success!!!
Love
Elizabth King
2006-10-19 07:26:50 · answer #8 · answered by ELIZABETH KING 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You all need to be with eachother your dad even though he is dying he needs his family by his side don"t let this man die alone please my dad died in my arms because i was there and my fear was he will not dye alone it was the worst day of my life my daddy was my hero my best friend and I had to be stong for my mom and brother I had to make all the arrangments and as the years past I lost my only brother 1yr later my mom..life throws up such sadness and sorrow but i was there for all of them and i still keep their spirit alive..be strong but be there for your dad now sureilll
2006-10-19 07:11:21 · answer #9 · answered by COOKIE 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry to hear about your father, my dad died a year ago today and it's not easy to get over, you will have your good days and your bad but it becomes easier with time. everyone deals with grief in their own way when your sister is ready to let her emotions out she will don't force her to. the best thing to do is keep busy and know your dad is watching over you and your family.
2006-10-19 06:38:01 · answer #10 · answered by S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋