Wanna Hear An Adult Christmas Story??

Question

Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick and the trainee eleves weren't making toys as fast as the regulars, so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa out even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found the three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had drunk everything. In frustration, he dropped the coffee pot and it broke into pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten it. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa

went to the door, cussing all the way. When he opened the door, there stood an angel with a tree. "Where would you like to put the tree?" the angel asked.
And that, my friend is how the angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree.

My goodness, where is everyone's sense of humor at today? Excuse me for trying to tell a funny joke, geesh.

Answer 1

it's allright, and whoever thinks their mins are wasted, u probly waste ovva ppls too..
LOL...it's only a JOKE!!
=D

Answer 2

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RE:
Wanna Hear An Adult Christmas Story??
Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick and the trainee eleves weren't making toys as fast as the regulars, so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa...

Answer 3

He he wondering that were all of them loose humor - common smiley u won't believe i got so much of curse and abuse many times, but i simply ignored these AIR HEADS

Answer 4

I agree with Mr. Soapy

Answer 5

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This is my TRUE story. Me...Shagged Rotten. this happened to ME, k? There are only a few friends of mine that know this. But now I guess YA will, lol. When I was 14 I ran away from home and lived on the street in Los Angeles for many months. I had no money and no food. When you are a teen runaway, your whole life is consumed with two issues. Food and sleep. There is a myth that teen runaways are on drugs. Pssh! We didnt even have food and water! Fcuk DRUGS, thats a laugh. When you are truly a runaway, you are literally homeless, and drugs is the furthest things from your mind. The junkie kids had places to go, but kids like me had to survive. I slept in the back of a liquor store for which I had a secret key. You dont wanna know what I had to do to get the secret key, k? I couldnt go there until after 1am, and then I had to be out before they opened back up at 930am. I usually slept on top of a bunch of liquor boxes, because the roaches would crawl on you if you slept on the floor. In the morning, I would steal liquor and then leave, and then sell it to other Runaways or Homeless adult drunks so I could have money to eat. Somedays I didnt eat, because no one had any money to buy my stolen liquor. There was this other runaway kid they called Ozzy. He was like 17. He used to stay with this stripper named Tara who worked at the Seven Veils on Hollywood Blvd. At first we all thought Ozzy was lucky because an adult chick like Tara was obviously into him. I mean, Tara had a cool apt and she was super hot! Later on we found out that Tara let Ozzy stay with her as payment for his "job", which was sucking the dick of the guy who owned the Seven Veils, because the dude had a thing for teenage boys. In exchange, the dude gave Tara free Cocaine...and she and Ozzy were both strung out. Wanna know what the most pathetic part was? All the street kids thought Ozzy was actually LUCKY because all he had to do was suck a dick and he got to eat normal food and sleep in a fcuking BED! yep, thats what we all thought until the night that the cops found Ozzy in a dumpster, stabbed 24 times because he had stolen $50 bucks from the Seven Veils owner. Of course, the cops didnt arrest anyone. Ozzy was just a statistic. Everyone said Ozzy was going to use the $50 bucks to go home. Hmm.. whatta ya know? Tara started asking around to see if anyone needed a place to sleep and some hot food. But even worse, there was this street kid we called "Sooner". No one knew her real name. I swear that girl looked my age -- 14- but she said she was 19. I knew she was lying, lol. She was one of the funniest people I've ever known in my whole life, and I had a big crush on her. Runaway teens crushing... ridiculous, I know. We used to say that we'd hang out if we ever got off the street. We used to walk around together during the daylight looking for food or friends, and I'd pretend inside my head that she was my "real life" girlfriend. But at night, Sooner used to work the back alleys over by Shell station at the Sunset offramp. On Christmas Eve, 1979, Sooner was kidnapped on a trick and no one ever heard from her again. All the kids who knew her said that the dude who kidnapped her was an off duty fireman. I missed her... so I went for a walk in the alley where she used to keep some stuff hidden in the bushes. I found a new boom box that she had stolen from a car or something. I sold the boom box to a repo man (who was likely one of her "customers") who was gassing up at the Shell station for the cost of two hamburgers and a ride to the liquor store where I slept at night. But among her stuff I also found a picture of what looked to me to be Sooner's school pic in a cheerleader outfit. She had signed it "Mom...Love, Lisa". You know what? I still have that picture today in a drawer -- and I'm 44 now. When I got off the street, and grew up, I never forgot Sooner... I even got "Lisa" tattooed on my arm, so that someone somewhere would remember her by her real name. This Christmas, it'll be 30 years since that girl disappeared into the night. So you know what kid? Thats what life is like on the streets. You're cold, hungry, crying, lonely, sleepy, and either you or your friends end up dead. The BEST case scenario is that you'll get turned out by some predatory homosexual, believe me. There's never a reason to run away. If you're being abused, go to the cops. Anything less, work it out and stay home because living on the streets is a bad bad thing, kid... and at 16, thats the only place for you to live if you run away.

Answer 6

Whatever happened to Santa after the doorbell rang and he was half-crazed?

Answer 7

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa went to answer it. Expecting his wife's mother, it turned out to be me with a baseball bat. In a near deafening scream I say "Where the f**k is my train set you ugly old man?!?"
Santa then replies "Up yours" and then transforms into a giant robot ninja with shurikens and a set of nunchakus.
The battle lasted hours with Santa gaining the upper hand using his intellect. At last, the final blow is struck and Christopher Walken is the only one standing. Proudly he says "I got a feVER, and THE only presCRIPtion, is more COWbell"

Answer 8

Hahaha. I thought it was going to be dirty. Still a good joke, though.

Answer 9

I don't understand.

Answer 10

you owe me 2 mins of my life back