Should I transfer colleges to be with my boyfriend?

Question

I love my boyfriend and I am certain without a doubt that i will marry him. I have been up and down over this issue and made a pro and cons list. He's number 1 on reasons to switch but also I miss my home, I fear that if I stay here my religion will also die again. I was depressed for two years mostly before I met him and being here just brought up those old feelings. I miss my family and the strong part of me back home.

I am currently an hour and a half away and everyday i think of him atleast 10 times an hour. I fear if i do transfer I will lose my independence but then again i will still be on my own. I might miss some of the people here. I also fear that I won't focus as well, but then again I have always been determined to succeed so i don't fear it that much. I found myself also becoming bored with the campus.

As far as academics the programs are similar and have the same majors. It is also easy to transfer credits and I do not know what I want to do. Please help

Did I mention he is 23 and I am 18, thus we will wait four years for me to get married. I can't wait a week to be with him. I cry every time he leaves and my mind won't focus on my studys. I was up to 4 in the morning and then was able to start a paper. He is in a program at his college thus he can't do anything about being with me. And he has stopped pressuring me.

Answer 1

If you are going to be more happy with him then you need to move colleges it what makes you happy. what ever makes you happy is what you should do

Answer 2

You said some things that really stand out.

1. He's the number 1 reason to switch.
2. If you transfer you will lose your independence.

I think you need to look at this intelligently. YOU need to be #1 and if you fear losing your independence, this man is NOT for you, if you fear you will lose your independence. It sonds more like he wants to "control you"

It's obvious from the way you write, you do not have your independence. You need to go with your heart, but I can tell you, you need to experience life before you marry your boyfriend. If he truly, truly, understands love, he will allow you to make your own decision and not put pressure on you.

You need to develop a little self esteem, you have too many doubts and fears. Take charge of your life.

The last thing I will say to you is that whatever your religion, you need to keep that first. You said you fear your religion will die again. That is something you control. Not exactly sure what you mean by "die again", but that's all inside of you and it will not die if you don't allow it to.

Be strong, good luck.

Answer 3

NO WAY! I was for certain me and my boyfriend were going to get married after college as well. We dated for 4 years and during my Junior Year of college we broke up. We went to colleges about 30 minutes apart, but it was so hard knowing he was so close. You need to have your own space, your own friends and your own independence. If you two were to break upit would be so hard to be at the same school as you would both most likely have a lot of the same friends. I had numerous frineds who dated in college and after they broke up had a hard time handling the fact that their ex was on the same campus, let alone when they started dating or hooking up with other people.

I completely understand what you were feeling though. I would have loved to have been at the same college as my boyfriend. Sure it makes things easier, but everything in life doesn't come easy. If you really think you will spend the rest of your life with him, give yourself the space now to be you and have your own life. He will still be a large part of it. Make plans to see him, talk on the phone each night, but don't let your life revolve around him. Life is too short, make sure you know who you are and have your won friends and own experieinces before you go moving you liefe around for a boy.

Hope this helps and good luck in whatever you choose.

Answer 4

What does your boyfriend feel about this?

If you think that you're going to marry this guy, then why the rush to be with him? College is the time when you get to be an individual and grow up and have experiences. If you move to be with your boyfriend, you might lose out on some experiences.

Being apart isn't necessarily a bad thing. Makes you realise if you want to be wtih him or not.

Answer 5

i genuinely believe you should stay put, and not change colleges.
number 1) its horrible to think but you could get sick of each other - in close confines all the time, studying the same hting with the same friends?
number 2) you will disrupt your studies
number 3) it sounds like you need to learn a little dependence, for your own sake
number 4) if you have had depression without him, and are better with him, what would happen if you became so reliant on him he broke up with you? or im sorry to say if he died? then you would lose it.
number 5) if your religion could die then you clearly arent very dedicated to it at all. who lets religion go if it truely means something to them?
you MUST try to survive by yourself, but by all means keep in contact with him. hope it works out.

Answer 6

Do not switch because of your boyfriend. If you'd like to change schools to be closer to home, or even closer to him, find a school that is near his, but don't go to the same school. Absence is good for young love - however, I understand how you are feeling as well. You have your entire life to look forward to - but you need this time to mature, and make outside friends. In the long run, if you would break up, you would be miserable at the same school.

Answer 7

One of the main things to worry about is the difference in academic quality - I decided against going to a university simply because my girlfriend went there, and I don't regret it at all.
However, if, as you said, the programs are similar, there shouldn't be a problem in this respect.
I say go for it - it'll give you a great chance to try out a little independant living within the relationship, and the constant thoughts about him won't distract you as much from your studies :)

Answer 8

Generally college and serious relationships of any kind don't mix. There are always some exceptions, but generally they don't mix.

But I think transferring to another school for someone is a really bad idea. I mean if you are transferring to a good school that is a right fit for you then it's not a bad idea but you should only transfer for that reason not because of a relationship.

Answer 9

you and i have almost the same problem....except im going to the navy and i cant bring my girl with me she'll be 5 hours from me in boot camp and i only get one call a week...after that i go to VA (another 6 hours away) to live for the next 4 years. like you i want to marry my girlfriend, and we've been together everyday for a year an 4 months, but i know that if i want to marry her im going to need a good job to support her and maybe a family one day....finish school, get your life together and if u trust eachother enough you'll be able to make it

Answer 10

space is wonderful too much time together can create unwanted arguments...the distance isnt that bad, just randonly show up if the urge is too strong. Men love women with thier own identity, live seperate lives as one, not his life. If the majors are the same why didnt he make the change to transfer, check into how he really feels!

Answer 11

You seem way too dependent on this guy. If you transfer, you'll be miserable. Finish your school first and then go be together. An hour & 1/2 is not that far away.