Sharing toys and purposly breaking things??

Question

I have a 2 year old and a 7 month old, both girls and am pregnant with #3. My girls are very well behaved and happy....lol, that is until i ut them both on the floor together with toys and then it's on!! My 2 y/o refuses to share toys flat out with her baby sissy. It's gotten to where my 2y/o snatched my youngest toy away and she grabbed my oldest hair, pulled her down and took her toy back, my 2y/o retaliated so they are already fighting but only when it comes to toys. So, i have spoken with my 2y/o tried time outs which she laughs at, took toys away don't buy new ones at all. seperate them etc etc but nothing works, my 2y/o won't learn....so, any suggestions on how i can get my 2y/o to be much more nicer, she's gonna have another baby sister/brother in May and it worrie sme as to how she'll react. I know sibling rivalry isn't anything new, but nothing i have done has helped teach her to share and be nice with your things. She also tears her stuff up and rips things of her walls...???

Answer 1

Oh fun! Well I have rather the opposite problem. My 2 year old steals my 9 year old's toy and breaks them. Also 3 pairs of my glasses in 1 year, throwing my jewely into the toilet etc.
Aside from putting things up out of reach and locking up anything you don't want broken there isn' t much you can do that you probably haven't tried. 2 year olds do not possess the social skills to play with another child. It is just not a part of their thought process. Around 2 or 3 they may be able to play next to other kids without having an all-out over the toys. I am the oldest of 4 kids, 13 years older than the youngest so I remember all these stages very well with kids other than my own. They all went through the possessive/demanding/destuctive stage. That is not to say the ALL children do this, but most.
Try to designate specific toys JUST for the little one. Then do the same for your older one. Let your 2 year old pick a couple of toys that she wants to be exclusivley hers. (They are not good at sharing anyway). This way maybe she won't feel as though she has to take so much because certain things are already hers. Good luck!

Not to re-inforce this behavior but I saw a shirt and could not help but get it for my daughter. It reads:

Toddler's rules of possession-
What's mine is mine!
What's yours is mine!
If I touch it, drool on it, see it...it's mine!

Answer 2

Okay, I'm not a parent but my mother ran a daycare so we had a lot of exposure to the terrible 2's ( which is then followed by the terrible 3's). You tell her that she can't do that, take back the toy she took from the baby, make sure to hand the toy to the baby because it emphasizes your point. Then make her sit in a chair where she can see her sister playing with the toys. That way not only doesn't she get to play with the toy she grabbed, but she doesn't get to play with any toys. The key to disciplining children isn't volume, harshness, or creative punishments, it's Constancy. Children inherently want to make you happy, if you show her that you are unhappy with her behavior, she will eventually come around. Good Luck. I know parenting takes patience. Having a 2 yr old, a 15 mo old and one of the way. I applaud you!

Answer 3

My older dd was 2 when my younger dd was born. They are 4 are 2 now and still fight sometimes, but they love playing together. 2 year olds think that everything is theirs--it's just part of the development, so don't overreact to the problem. Just set aside toys that are only the baby's--then don't allow the 2 yo to take them. You need to be consistent in this for your dd to learn.
If your 2 yo tears stuff up or destroys things, remove those items to somewhere out of sight (whether it be in a closet, in the trash, to a charity, or in another room). She is not responsible enough to have those items.

Answer 4

Don't try and force her to share. A lot of parents expect their child to share but do you? It’s hard to share! Would you loan your neighbor your new shoes or car? What if you were forced? How would you feel? It's essentially the same thing for children when it comes to their prized possessions. They don't want to share them either! If you force your child to share, it will only cause anger and resentment. Sharing is something that should come from the heart. You can talk to your child in ways so that they can see another child’s point of view. "It looks like Emma really likes your toy. I bet she would like to play with it too. Maybe when you're finished she can play with it." These words may help your daughter empathize with her sister and she may share. Have your daughter pick out some things that she willing to share with her sister and put away the things she does not want to share. Remember not to force it. Let it come from the heart.
I bet your daughter feeling pretty powerless. She was the center of your world and now she has to share you. She may be getting some attention from you when she wants what her sister has. Be it positive or negative, it's still attention. Hold her responsible for her behaviors. Using natural and logical consequence will work best. For example, if she is destructive with a toy, it gets put up high where she can see but not reach it. Tell her “When you’re ready to be gentle with your toy you can have it back.” If she spills her milk, she wipes it up. If she breaks a toy or something in her room, have her put it in the trash. Let the punishment fit the crime. Time outs do not work because they are not a logical or natural consequence. Time outs are a way for you to control your child, not a way for your child to learn self control. Instead of using time outs, try this. As soon as she misbehaves, get down to her level and say “I do not like when you (explain what and why in very few words). Take her to a place away from you (her room, the couch) and say “When you are ready to (stop, listen, play gently, calm down…) then you can come back.”

Help her to feel powerful in positive ways and show her some attention. Say things like "You did that by yourself! Look how many colors you used on you picture! You can run super fast!" These phrases are great confidence builders! Hope this helps! Good luck to you and congratulations!

Answer 5

I don't know what else to tell you except she is two. You need to be firm on discipline. If she laughs at time out do you make her stay there? If you let her up early it defeats the purpose. If she continues to get up put her back in the chair until she stays for the amount of time. ALso, there is nothing wrong with smacking her butt either. I don't mean child abuse or anything but I got my butt smacked when needed when growing up and I do my kids the same way. SOme may not agree but, discipline is what kids today need. The kids without discipline usually try and control their parents. I have family members who did not discipline her child and now he is almost 13 and out of control. Tells his mom what to do, smokes cigarrettes and does what ever, he curses her and has hit her. I don't even allow him at my house because I don't want his behavior here. You have to teach your children when their behavior is inappropriate that it is unacceptable. If you daughter continues tearing up things take everything out of her room and off the walls. That is what I did when my daughter was about that age and made her "earn" things back. For every good day she had that was something she wanted back. Good luck.

Answer 6

i raised 5 sons,had that problem until a friend told me how to take care of it.sit down and make out a list of things to give to your daughter if she is a good girl[like sharing ,or not breaking things]then make out another list of things to take away from her if she is bad [like here favorite toy ,candy food drink,etc.]tell her if she behaves her self that she gets rewards,if shes a bad girl she gets nothing and gets put in time out. you have to follow through with this every time something happens,[ weather its good or bad things she does]and before long you will see a big difference in her . But remember mom you have to get tuff!

Answer 7

LOL!!! Welcome to motherhood, they don't call it terrible twos for nothing. Just be firm and persistent. This is were you teach your children not to be selfish. ALL two and three year old think EVERYTHING is theirs. It' s just a faze. Teach her right from wrong and I assure you, she will grow out of it.

Answer 8

The terrible 2's!!! It's just a phase.

Answer 9

spank her butt and give what she took back and take her things away you have to correct her she wont learn on her own . teach them both before number three arrives or it will only get worse