HELP! I can't get my 5 year old to stop lying!?

Question

We've tried everything from putting soap in her mouth to spankings and time-outs. Nothing is working, and I'm totally at a loss. Any suggestions or advise would really be appreciated.

Her lies are construed of simple, normal kid stuff, like, "yes I brushed my teeth" to the more complex stuff like "no, I wasn't in the car playing with the electric window, I saw someone come get in the car." What really worries me is the crazy lying......lying about things that are right there. She dumps a bowl of cereal on the floor and blames the cat when I saw what happened. Or she gets caught doing something she's not supposed to do and the first thing out of her mouth is "I wasn't....." She's only 5, is this common?

Maybe I should add that she's my stepdaughter........I just don't think of her that way........I treat her as if I had given birth to her myself.

Answer 1

Children, who tell ties frequently are trying to gain attention, feel powerful, or are afraid of something. Is there too much criticism or punishment? Perhaps loss of love and approval is the price she pays for making mistakes or doing things the “wrong” way? Fear of criticism or punishment and fear of loss of love are strong motivations for lying. What happens when she spills her cereal? She gets spanked, put in time out, or soap in her mouth. These are punishments. Since she is punished for misbehaviors, fear is likely the reason behind the lie. Discipline is the key, not punishment.

Start problem solving with her. In problem solving, there is no threat of criticism, punishment, loss of love, or loss of approval. In problem solving, there is only acceptance of the child as she is. Hold her responsible for her actions using natural and logical consequences. When she spills something, she wipes it up. If she is destructive with a toy, she puts it in the trash. Children are naturally cooperative when they have no fear of negative consequences.

In problem solving, the word “lie” is never mentioned or implied. Children are shown the same respect as adults. The distinction between truth and untruth can be taught in more positive ways such as discussing whether a certain story was real of pretend.

Children are also surrounded by white lies. They hear the phone ring and mom says “Tell them I’m not here.” Dad may call in sick to work and then spend the day at the golf course. Adults may say how much they love a gift and then throw it away. These social deceptions make things more confusing to the child. When the child forgets to put away her toys, what’s wrong with saying, “I didn’t do it” as long as she gets away with it? Mom and dad do. A lie gets her out of punishment.

Help your daughter to feel powerful by saying thing like “You did that by yourself!” “Look how high you can jump!” “You used so many colors on you picture.” These phrases are great ways to help children feel powerful, great confidence builders, and great ways to show attention.

If you begin problem solving, stop punishing, and use phrases to help her feel powerful and confident, she should soon start to feel more confident, less afraid of making mistakes, feel she is getting positive attention, and stop the lies! Hope this helps! Good luck to you!

Answer 2

What is she lying ABOUT? Little, insignificant things are just kid-stuff, just a phase....but important stuff, or that which you could prove - let her know that if you suspect she is lying to you that you WILL find her out. Check up on her! If you don't, the lies get worse - both in frequency and severity. Tell her about the boy (you could make it girl) who cried wolf. Look for child-level books about lying, there have to be some out there, or make up a story about a little girl, same age, etc. who lied and something bad happened to her because of it. I'm sure there is an episode of Little House on the Prairie or something that deals with the issue - that can be more "real" to kids than a spanking or soap. Tell her to look at your thumb and say it again. Usually if a kid is lying, they will giggle and can't go through with it. Ask her to repeat what you think is a lie, see if the story is told the same way again and again. Talk to her teachers about the problem, they may be able to help, too. Good luck!

Answer 3

The habit of telling lies is triggered primarily by
(a) parent or older sibling frequently telling lies or breaking words/promises - OR -
(b) fear of punishment if truth is revealed.

For (a) the parent / sibling must change themselves - otherwise - even for a short period if the child stops telling lies - it is very temporary. Now that the child has gotten this habit, the parent/older sibling should show everytime a promise is kept, everytime a truth is told [in spite of an easier lie] - to reinforce that the parent/older sibling has *changed*.
For (b) even if the child were to do a mistake or break a rule - encouragement is needed to tell the truth and no punishment to be given. Each time a truth is told [instead of an easier lie] - the child needs to be applauded for being truthful and not resorting to a cheap lie. The parent also has to highlight circumstances wherein the parent chose to tell the [harsh] truth instead of resorting to a lie.

Also the child needs to be made aware that any habit [like telling lies] will become an addictive habit and unavoidable habit in the long run and will spoil the very integrity of the personality. Parents can show examples from religion/comic characters of how habitual liars/dishonest ppl etc are avoided by the society.

Answer 4

What are the lies approximately? At this age they nonetheless have a tough time distinguishing among fact and myth, additionally in the event that they suppose tough sufficient that whatever occur they real don't realize that it not ever occur. Read her studies approximately honesty (Bearenstien bears, Little critter, Robert Munsch, aesop) and present for the sincere thinsg she does, make that your consciousness, now not the lieing. Have a speak together with her and inform her it's alright to faux however she has to ensure others recognize that she is pretending. Tell her that lies make folks unhappy and so they harm their emotions, ask her to deliver you a time while her emotions have been harm and if she favored that feeling, this fashion she will be able to relate what you're pronouncing to the sensation she is inflicting. Is she lieing to get out of percieved concern or a nasty act she performed? If she is, then she is aware of that there are penalties to her movements and that she performed whatever dangerous, ensure she knows that after she lies she is going to continually be in additional concern than if she quite simply admitted to the offending behaviour, and you'll continually recognize if she is lieing.

Answer 5

Please dont spank your child, you need to sit with her on the floor eye to eye in a no distractions around room. Do it maybe after dinner or maybe after story time before bed time just as long as u have just done something fun together. Ask her if she enjoyed your time together did she have fun? Then explain to her that you love to spend time w/ her and make her happy, but when she lies it hurts u, and makes u not want to do fun things like we just did . Dont have the talk after the event has occured, or while she is active, do it when she is calm. Repeat u love her and " u want her to be a good girl. So just speak to w/ her respect and back off of the negative discipline and do it w/ positive reinforcement. After the talk, when incident occurs again, remind her of conversation in a mellow eye to eye tone. Then later, if not working do a grounding remove tv, radio, from room, or no tv after school for anyone. u, dad, no tv at all. That usually always works! U have to stir them up alittle , spanking is usually expected so they know it hurts for a while then its over .. with these methods its permanent. No tv, until no lies for wk. Its tough but u have to stick to it.. and the end result is worth it ,so u miss your shows, BUT u have a good trustworthy TEENAGER!!!

Answer 6

"believe her" and show her what her lies are doing to people. For example, if she says the cat dumped the cereal on the floor, put the cat in the bathroom/cage/outside, and say the cat needs a timeout. She'll realize lying hurts people.

Answer 7

I am sure this is a phase. my five year old is going through the same thing. She will say so and so at my school said this to me today and it sounds totally made up and i will say are you fibbing and she will say no and so i will say ok i am going to ask your teacher and then seh will fess up to it being a lie.

I just tell her if she lies she gets hot sauce and most of the time she doesn't. But a lie is a lie and i am not supposed to know the difference...so who knows it its working or not.

Answer 8

Children lie because of many things.Sometimes these are not 'lies' and they are just fantasies.Other times they lie deliberitely,because they have ascertained the fact that it's dangerous to tell the truth.
Your words that you "have tried everything - soup in her mouth and spanking..." shows what your attitude is.At the age of 5 children understand that their actions lead to sertain sconequences but they still need rather help them learn then 'discipline' them.Actually the word "discipline" is connected with the word "learn",not "punish".If you have made your daughter think that every her mistake will lead to a punishments or reproaches,of course she will lie you.Most children(and most adults!) lie from time to time.If we want our children to be honest,we have to have the willingness to listen to them,to refrain from punishing them or ashaming them and we have to look for resolution to the problems with the children(not without them).Except that,we have to find a way to look in the child's world and understand why her receptions are so different than ours.
Children never born with the ability to distinguish truth frm lying and we have to learn them perceive honesty as a value.Parents should explain their children why is it important to tell the truth and how is mutual trust being biult.People invariably make mistakes - especially when they are 5-year-olds - and if they manage to look at them as valuable experience and not as sins,they(mistakes) won't look so scary.A good way to avoid admonitions(which always make children close their ears and not to listen to us) is asking them the question "What do you think happens when you lie for something?(This method is only effective if you ask the question candid and with quriosity,not using them as a way to 'mask' instructions with questions).
Continue helping your child study the consiquences of her behavior with more questions "What","How":"How do you feel when someone lies to you?","What do you think the reason children are scared to tell the truth is?","What would help you to tell the truth without uniasinesses?"
Here are some ways to react to the lie:

1.Join the imagination,exaggerating it.If the child says that "it's the aligator's fault",make out you have seen it - "Yes,he was big and orange!"

2.Accept the possibilities for solving the problem,not the fault.Instead of asking who has crushed the egg,offer the child to help her with the cleaning or ask her if she thinks the problem may be solved another way.

3.When you suspect that the child is lying,say that:"That sounds me as a lie.I wonder what the truth is?"

4.Imagine how the child feels.Ask her if she is afraid to tell the truth because she may make you angry or something.Make her sure that everybody is afraid sometimes.

5.Explain her that she has to assume the responsibility for her actions."Everybody makes mistakes but when you blame someone else(even if he is 'invented',you are not less responsible for your action".

6.Explain her what confidence(trust) means.Help her make connection between honesty and trust which people feel for us.

When the child lies to us and we spank,punish or ashame her,she will definitely reach unwished conclusions.Punishment helps just seemingly.
Children who lie,are afraid and they avoid the responsibility for their actions.Except that all,it's most likely for childrne start to value the truth if they see how their parents keep close to truth.That means that your children won't start to value the truth if they hear you saying on the phone(talking with the chief) that you are sick(because you want to go skiing).
After all I'd say that you might consider buying the book "Positive Discipline for Preschoolers" by Jane Nelson.That would help you with your daughter's disciplining.Good luck!

Answer 9

What is she lying about? She could be exercising her imagination and it's o.k. if you set her straight about real and make-believe. If she's lying when she's in trouble she probably doesn't understand yet. Reward her when she tells that truth instead of focusing so much on her lying. don't put it in her mind that good little girls don't lie because she's still figuring out what's good and what's bad.

Answer 10

children r born liers and its up to us to get them out of it..my son is 12 and he still lies.yes i did my homework...yes i took a bath..no i didnt wake up 12 in the morn and eat a bowl of cereal..but he left the bowl in the sink...u have to know how 2 punish them based on the lies...1st just keep talking to her.u have a long way 2 go..but they do slow down..good luck