Why do we judge another person's cover over before we find out about them?

Question

Every day,we cast our eyes on others with envy,and judge their cover as they judge also.Some of us are nieve,insecure and never did wrong,yet,society now has us watching our back.We still have before the worst came before.We still made our judgements.I don't like judgements cast against good people,or bad.Were you ever judged wrong and lost a friend because of it.Please give examples.

Answer 1

We all find our self doing it from time to time. And it should not be. I've judged people and they were not at all as they seemed. I think we should all keep trying to be patient and slow to close the chapter on what might be a great friendship. Lessons learned in life sometime are learned the hard way. But it's when you learn the lesson and move forward is when you know your growing wiser.

Answer 2

The reason people judge is because they do not stop to look at the whole person. They see an overweight person and right away they think that person pigs out but what could be happening is a health problem. They see someone who is colored and right away they think criminal and yet that person could have been your best friend. They see someone of arabic decent and right away they think Terrorist. It is the labels that society has placed on everyone. If you are arabic you must be a terrorist, if you are black you must be a criminal, if you are white you must be a white supremisist, if you are fat you must be a disgusting pig, if you have long hair and tatoos you must be in a gang, if you ride a motorcycle you must be an outlaw, and the list goes on and on. If people would just get to know others they will find that 90% of the world are not this way. Instead of judging a book by it's cover you should allow yourself to step outside your comfort zone and get to know these people.

I was wrongfully judged and it cost me my marriage. My ex-husband said because I had found a few friends online (people I had known from childhood that I grew up with) that I was cheating on him and we ended up getting divorced over it and come to find out it was he who was cheating.

All anyone has to do is just keep an open mind and let someone just say hello, start a conversation and you might actually find out about a lot of people. You will sit and converse with someone online who for all you know could be a child preditor, but you would trust them more than a long haired, tattoed, motorcycle riding, christian.

Answer 3

It's all about first impressions, which take about 10 seconds to form. It can be hard to learn not to judge. That means watching your EVERY thought and feeling, and asking yourself why you're thinking and feeling that way about someone.

You're right - we shouldn't be so judgmental. Sure, I've been judged wrong, and misunderstandings can unfortunately cost friendships. But in my experience, those friendships weren't very solid in the first place if a misunderstanding ruined it.

By the way - good for you for pointing out how painful and unfair judgement can be.

Answer 4

I agree with Robert. I saw this on 20/20 where children thought the Arbic man was scary whlie the black man wasn't when really the black man was in a grumpy mood which like the Arbic man was smlieling. But I do admit with that large beard it was hard to see his mouth. The children also said the Arbic man looked werid. So I guess we're born with a little judgementalness but over time we can ether make it worse or tone it down.

Answer 5

There's a quote by Stephen Covey that says, "I never met a man I didn't like after I heard his story." We should all try to keep that in mind. Perhaps the man who sped up and cut us off on the interstate was rushing home to get to his injured child. Or maybe the rude waitress at the resturant was being harrassed rigth before we got there, and thats why she wasn't too friendly. We are quick to judge, and if we try to keep Mr. Covey's quote in mind maybe it will help us to not pass judgement so quickly.

Answer 6

It happens all the time. Especially if you are divorced, and your ex tells his side of the story to his new girlfriend or fiance. She thinks he's great, so when he tells her about you and your "difficult personality"- she has that picture in her mind before meeting you, which always clouds her perceptions and interactions of you from then on. Of course, neither of them matter unless you have a mutual child with him. And, of course it still doesn't matter what they think as long as they don't try to taint the child's perceptions. I would rather lose a friend than the respect of my own child.
Either way, it is not good, which is why we should all make it a personal policy to assess a person not based on here-say, or what they drive or what they look like. You don't know their circumstances, or their personal pain.

Answer 7

It's built into our mind instinctively to make quick visual assessments of people as well as other things around us. It's called profiling or biasing or prejudice, but it's built in as a safety measure, and we really can't help it.

For example, if you were robbed by someone in a hood, you might be immediately a little wary of anyone coming into your store with a hood on. It's normal to make those judgments.

I don't understand how you can lose a friend because someone made a bad initial impression of someone or something, so I don't know what you mean by that part.

Answer 8

I used to work in bars for 6 years and found that i had to judge people when they came in, like are they drunk, psychotic, whatever, and then i wouldn't serve them. It's a lot easier than trying to throw them out later. It may be judgemental but that's life, it saved me a lot of hassle
Also, some stereotypes are there for a reason

Answer 9

Yes my friend thought i was a druggy just because i dated a guy who was once and she said we are no longer speaking, She was totally ANTI DRUG. this was about 6 years ago. But 6 years later she was there for the birth of my two kids, and my wedding, and she invtied me to hers, So... i think some things just need maturity brought into them. I dont judge because i naturally know im better then everyone,. so id be judging all damn day.

Answer 10

Why? Because it's only natural. People don't like to be around ugly things and, that includes people.

To answer your second question; yes. I have been judged based on my appearance and lost a friend over it. In fact, this has happened several times but, the first time was when I was still in kindergarten. I was born in an area where the majority of children were either black or of German/Irish/etc decent. There were hardly any mediterainian, hispanic, or asian people at my school. So in my class almost everyone had blonde hair and blue eyes. There was one other little girl who didn't have blonde hair and blue eyes so we both hung out together since the other girls were mean to us because of our hair/eye color. Then one day (Probably because they noticed I was the only non-black girl who wasn't white.) the other girls decided to let my friend hang out with them as long as she joined in with them and made fun of me. So of course she did. After that I spent the rest of kindergarten alone.