Ok I live with my husband and his grandparents and his one brother. Till my husband finishes college.My husband goes to school full time and works part time. Myself have been hired for a job on the weekends because where I am hired they do not have a 5:30pm shift through the week. So during the time while everyone is at work or school I'm at home with my son taking care of him granted I do my husbands and I side of the house cleaning. Plus do the odds and ends of things on the part of the house we all share such as dishes cleaning the living room. Picking up after everyone else cuz by time they get home from working they throw their shoes and whatever else there is in the floor of the living room. Eat dinner and never bother to do dishes that night. Then my husband ask me to help him with his school work on top of it. Am I being takin advantage of? Yeah I know I don't work much now but I still have a kid to. What is your opinion?
2006-10-19 04:16:23 · 22 answers · asked by viper_chick2ridewit 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Not living for free paying half the rent and half of utilities
2006-10-19 04:25:52 · update #1
You really need to sit down and make a list of everything that you do. This list is only for yourself so that you can actually see what you are accomplishing. I work from home and am raising my 9month old son while my husband works out of the home. It really is tough to schedule your day, however if you don't you're always going to feel like you are constantly buried by laundry and others crap.
Once you make a list you can really see how much extra time you have if any! Try to figure out a basic schedule so that your day is less chaotic. Basically what you'll be doing is turning your motherhood into a 9-5 job. And there isn't anything wrong with that, as long as you are being a good parent. I don't know how big your house is, but it takes me a total of one hour to do light cleaning! Plus an extra hour if i'm mopping floors and cleaning toilets. So that really isn't much time when you get down to it.
Also make sure that you are getting vacation time!!! I'm serious! You need a few days off or at least one day off a week! Talk to your husband and make him understand what you need. You will be a better mother because of it.
2006-10-19 04:50:05 · answer #1 · answered by I Ain't Your Momma 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hate to tell ya honey but you aren't being taken advantage of. You are doing what you are because you're allowing it. If you didn't realize the problem then I'd say yes but you know the problem. My guess is you work around 16 hrs. a week. I volunteer at my kids school that much. To me that isn't the job that separates you from being a sahm. Not saying you don't work because I know it is work, I've been a sahm for almost 9 years now. My husband works 6 days a week for 14+ hrs a day so when he gets home, he throws his mess around too, eats and doesn't clean up, and makes other mess. I just fix it, no sense in stressing over what won't change. Let me ask you though, on the weekend, who takes care of your child and cleans up? I'm guessing it would be him. He is doing a lot though, working and school. just take it all with a grain of salt until he finishes. Remember he is doing this for your family, not just himself. You pay half the rent and utilities, but someone else is paying the other half. Just do the work or let it sit there. Someone is allowing you to live in their home practically free. If you feel like you're being taken advantage of, move out and get your own place. Believe me what you have now is a lot better than paying full price for everything you will have on your own.
2006-10-19 05:35:55 · answer #2 · answered by ~*~frankie~*~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a military wife and I have health problems that pervent me form working outside the home. So I have two work at home businesses one is Ebay and the other is with a wellness company. My husband usually is away Monday-Friday at the military base three weeks a month and home on the weekends. So not much to clean up anyways. He knows I work hard and I know so does he so weekends I take care of him completely, meals, cleaning, I pay all the bills and take care of any information that needs to be taken care of. All lose ends I do. That one week a month he is home not working, but I still work he helps me by cooking from time to time and doing the dishes and laundry. It's all very well balanced to me, but my best friend right now has no kids is not working doesn't even clean or takes care of the finances, and it just bothers me. I think also depending on how many kids you have you may have a very trying day so it's okay to ask for help but always it should be 50/50.
2016-05-22 01:59:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if you are being taken advantage of. Maybe not by your husband, it sounds as if he has enough to do with school and work, but everyone else seems to think you are their personal assistant. I hate that. What in the world are they going to do when and if you start working more often? Still expect you to do everything? Start by cutting back a little on picking up after them. See if they do it themselves. If you are like me, it will drive you crazy, but try it and see what happens.
One other point, IF you and your husband are living there free of charge, that may make a little difference. You should not be taken advantage of, but maybe it is only fair you help out the grandparents a little. The brother is another story, he should be doing his share.
Good luck to you. I am in almost the same type of situation.
2006-10-19 04:29:20 · answer #4 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I think you are doing much more than your fair share around the house. I work full time and go to school part time, but still have time to help out with some of the housework, so I think your husband should be able to help out, too. I would never ask my boyfriend to help me with my school work. It almost sounds as if you are playing mother to a whole household, not just your own son! I would start by asking your husband, nicely, to pick up his own things, and help with the dishes after dinner. I think the key is to ask the other members of the household to help out without getting angry, this will be easier if your husband backs you up.
2006-10-19 04:32:19 · answer #5 · answered by Donna B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I am a stay at home mother and I feel that its my duty to manage these things. Sometimes its very hard and frustrating but it's a part of life and with time things will change... your husband will have completed his studies, your child will have grown more independent. So I would say try to make the best of it but from time to time other family members should give you a break and offer to babysit and your husband should also spend time with your son, that's important. You should try to help your husband with his studies because this affects your family's future. I know sometimes its tough.
I am a stay at home mother. My husband is in the military and won't be back for six months. I have to take care of my daughter who is seven months and I am pregnant with a second! It's really tough sometimes but I know that I have to do it. If I didn't support my husband's career choice then it would impact our family and I know that this is a transition. Hang in there!
2006-10-19 04:40:17 · answer #6 · answered by Mom_of_two 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you live with other people, you have to expect this.
That is why married couples belong in their own homes. This is why we wait to have children until we are ready and settled.
Bottom line, if you didn't have a kid and worked full-time, I bet things would still be the same........see the mess doesn't bother them, so they leave it. You can't get even or make a point by doing the same thing because they don't care right?
You and your husband are doing a good thing by investing in the future....college is important and you'll have a much better life when he is done...just suck it up for a bit longer!
2006-10-19 04:26:07 · answer #7 · answered by jm1970 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's unreasonable for you to do more chores around the house, but I also think that when the others get home they should pick up after themselves. It's one thing for you to run the vacuum cleaner, etc. but they shouldn't expect you to pick up after them. Especially if you are paying rent. If you were staying for free then that might be different. Unfortunately most people think that stay at home mom's don't have anything else to do. I'd talk to them about helping out some.
2006-10-19 04:34:14 · answer #8 · answered by kat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh my goodness, this is my biggest pet peeve! Stay at home mom's work too! Taking care of kids is not a fun, playtime, luxury! It's work! Maybe stop doing everything for everyone. Taper off on picking up after everyone, let their stuff lay where they put it. Wash the dishes, but don't dry. I know that people that work outside of the home get tired, but so do we! One phrase that raises the hackles on every stay at home mom: "Since you don't have anything to do, could you..{insert chore}?"
2006-10-19 04:22:27 · answer #9 · answered by Mo the treehugger! 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are all busy right now. You owe his grandparents some work for living there and your husband sounds like he is doing his share.
I don't think that you should be asked to help him with his homework everynight. If he needs that much help or is not getting it, he needs to pay more attention in class. If it is for lack of time, its his degree not yours. Help him, but don't do it for him.
Think of it this way, you all need a little time to yourself. I see that you have some time to play on the computer. Does your husband have any free time? Just make sure your free time is divided equally.
2006-10-19 04:30:35 · answer #10 · answered by grudgrime 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋