what does this mean? translation please!?

Question

my man said last night "we always do what you want to do, but never what you think i may want to do"

we were kissing and stuff.

what did he mean?

do i need to get kinky or something?

Answer 1

It sounds like he was testing the proverbial water. The following anecdote reveals the importance of communication and an open mind:

I was a virgin when I married; my wife was a divorcee having 2 boys by her ex hubby of 9.5+ years. We spent about 2200 hours together during our courtship, and probably 75% of that was discussing every issue of any importance to us.

She divorced her hubby because of his persistent, habitual, unrepentant cheating on her, and she didn't want to endure that ever again. Both she and I had been reared to have strict Southern Baptist morals -- or so we thought.

Because of Paul's writings, I considered it the duty of the husband to please the wife in the bedroom (I'm euphemising) -- so as a single man, I devoted a great deal of thought and research towards that end.

I have never held (and will never hold) a woman to that standard: my pleasure derives first from the joy she has of being with me, then from the relationship I have with her, then from the pleasure I bring her and, lastly, from physical stimulation.

My studies were not in vain, but they produced unforeseen consequences.

She felt bad because she couldn't keep up with me, and my stamina ultimately triggered a self-esteem problem in her (which became a HUGE deal because it was like she was having a relapse into mental illness, and that's another long story in itself).

Eventually, she tried pimping me out to all her friends and her mom (but considered her sister such a sexual threat she wouldn't let her sister and me be alone together), but I mistook her actions as a test of my fidelity.

She attempted to broaden her already considerable skills by having flings with strangers, whose lack of stamina temporarily boosted her self-esteem, but left her overcome with guilt for having forsaken her promise to me.

When she confessed to me her indiscretions, I forgave her all without reservation; such, I deemed, was consistent with the character of Christ -- whose behavior it was my job to model.

Yes, I realize that's just my theological position; I'm not arguing against anyone else's system of belief, but knowing how I then thought about these things is germane to your evaluation of my opinion now.

I also suggested marital counseling, but she wouldn't agree to any of that. She believed we had no problems so serious that we couldn't solve them on our own, but she also wouldn't discuss them. At that point in my life, I didn't have the sophistication to know all the psychology of what was going on.

When she determined the only way she was going to be able to satisfy a guy (and thus feel like a real woman) was for her to have those flings, she became adamant that she would do that without guilt or reservation.

Her change in policy was unilateral, and I considered the possibility her efforts to get me to bed other women were not disingenuous.

Unfortunately, when I asked whether she wanted us to have an open marriage, I relied on the verbiage of our original vows -- which, in her mind, apparently was akin to calling her a slut.

It wasn't at all what I'd intended to suggest, but at that moment I had no delicate words. I asked whether she wanted to renegotiate our marriage contract -- which she interpreted as being a way for me to trick her into binding herself by her words.

And, as absurd as that seems, I responded poorly to having been delivered that sort of ultimatum -- so, I divorced her.

Thereafter, among the first decisions I made regarding such matters, is that if I ever again marry, it won't be to a woman having previously been confined to a mental institution. I don't wish them any ill, but I've learned that's more than I can handle.

Also, I now believe sex should never get in the way of love. I still think sex between the parties in a romantic relationship is a vital part of intimacy among those that are able to enjoy it, but monogamy is probably an unhealthy socio-religious construct.

If I'd done as my ex-wife suggested and enjoyed the dozens of her beautiful friends with whom she wanted to share me, I'm sure they together would have been able to wear me down.

My (now ex-) wife would have felt good for having participated in my satisfaction or, perhaps more accurately, for having obtained the physical evidence of my satisfaction. Apparently, my praise of her was alone inadequate to satisfy her need to believe.

I had no emotional attachment to the other women, and sex with them wouldn't have changed that. In retrospect, I should've been able to realize this, when her sex with other men neither diminished her love for me nor caused her to love other men.

But all that was anathema to my religious training, so I didn't have the resources to process the information accurately.

Note that "your man" used the phrase "what you think i may want (to do)." How does he know what you think? It seems to me that you're both relying on perceptions of each other's opinions based on stereotypes and your own backgrounds.

He might be insecure if he has a "colorful history." IOW, he may think you have expectations of him that are unfair. Or, maybe it's the other way around, and he's afraid you think he's not adventurous enough (but that doesn't quite match the tone of your inquiry).

If you've got a secure relationship, tell him something like, "What do you mean 'what I think'? Are you psychic? And if you are, you should know that I'm not. Why don't you just grow a pair and tell me specifically what you want, instead of leaving it to me to imagine what you might possibly want?"

Answer 2

For god's sake, ASK HIM.

Whether society regards it as being "kinky" or not, it is irrelevant if you BOTH get pleasure from it and you do it in private (whatever "it" is).

Besides if he is correct and you always do what pleases you, then the relationship is too one-sided. Successful relationships are two-way, often with compromises

Answer 3

Why don't you ask him what he wants? He might feel like doing something other than kissing and stuff.

Answer 4

No, but he was telling you in a nice way that you might consider his wishes, too. Maybe he thinks you are a little bit too selfish in your relationship?

Answer 5

Sometimes just making out can get boring. Be more creative in your intimate adventures.

Answer 6

Remember to open the beer can before you hand it to him so he won't have to take a chance on hurting his finger on the tab.

Answer 7

It's possible he had something else on his mind and may not have even been reffering to sex,mabey everyday things.

Answer 8

that basically translates to:

"Honey, you need to be feeling me more than Im feeling you"

Try rimming him, or even feltching. That worked for a friend of mine.

If that is no good, cook him a nice meal.

Answer 9

That's your cue to say "I sure appreciate your enthusiasm in doing the things I wish to do. Now it is YOUR turn! Please tell me what YOU would like to do, oh hero of my dreams!"

Answer 10

Ask Maria!!