It stinks. He screwed up tons of times during the relationship. Finally, 6 months ago, he decides he wants to change. Fine. Works for me, but is it my fault that I can't seem to trust you after 3 years of deceit? A minor arguement (admittedly started by me) last week turns into us breaking up. He decides he's had it with my 'nagging' anyway, and I decide that the fear of heartbreak isn't worth it for me anymore. Just like that, he's got his **** together.He gets a new phone and new number. He calls my house with a list of his stuff that I have. I guess he's officially done. Why then do I feel like I screwed up? He's got this new job that he starts next week, so he's moving. Just like that. Why am 'I' the one hurting? Why isn't he?I did NOTHING but be there for him! Why does he get to choose when 'HE'S' had enough when I stuck it out for so long? Shouldn't HE be the one hurting because he lost me? This isn't teen drama, we're each over 26, with professional jobs and nice homes. Help me?
2006-10-19 03:45:02 · 18 answers · asked by monie0078 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Pls indulge me by answering this too. I'm hurting really bad today. How do I know I'm not making a mistake? A little background info. I met 'J' about 3.5 yrs ago. In that time we've had to deal with his addiction to porn (see the 1st question I ever asked on here), drinking too much, and lying about everything and anything (regrdless of how little). Issues with his pot smoking, pill popping, & sometimes, others. That's one side of him. The other side is this VERY loving, caring person who loves my son & I (he's 6, and he doesn't have a memory of life without J) like his own. He's really smart, funny, and him & I have always been really close. So my predicament. Of course I love him. We've been together for 3 yrs. He dotes on me when I need to be doted on, takes care of me when I'm sick, and indulges my little eccentricities. Did I overdo things? This is the coldest he has EVER been.What if I'm making a huge mistake here? 3 yrs of joint financials & everything gone. I'm terrified.
2006-10-19 05:03:30 · update #1
It is hard getting over a relationship you have put so much effort into. With him moving, getting a new job, new telephone number, etc. that is his way of dealing with it. Men usually are not as emotional as women and they deal with breakups by doing new things and not living in the past. Unfortunately, many of us women do and it is hard for us to understand why they can just turn their emotions on and off so quickly. You will get over him, but it will not be easy, you will probably enter into new relationships with the same uneasyness this guy left you with. Often when someone else is to blame such as he is, they often feel guily leaving the other holding the blame and feeling guilty and inadequate. Realize you deserve better, give him his stuff back and tell him to quit calling you so you can move on with your life. You deserve to be happy and this guy just keeps you miserable and guilty. It is better for you in the long run that he is moving. Say good-bye and when it seems hard for you, take a look at yourself in mirror and realize you deserve someone who will treat you the way you should be treated and will put as much into a relationship as you will, and realize that at that moment it might be hard but it will only get easier. Best of luck!
2006-10-19 03:58:46 · answer #1 · answered by Dylansmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am agnostic, so you will not hear anything about God from me. I understand how you are feeling. I have lost close relatives and have several friends who have lost even closer relatives such as a parent. The sadness and pain WILL go away. It is never easy to lose someone. I mean hell, when you date someone and they break up with you, just the feeling of not having that same relationship makes you feel lost and that alone hurts alot. but you move on and get over it. So when someone close to you dies, it will DEFINITELY take more time to move on and get past the pain, but it will happen . I have always loved the way Irish, as well as people from New Orleans, morn deaths. They celebrate that person's life. They tell stories, remember the good times, laugh, drink, and party. No one likes change, No one likes anything to be different after they get used to something. Ironically, everything changes all of the time. At some point, you will be at peace with your aunt's death. Just my best advice, celebrate their lives, and hope that you are able to live life as good as they did while they were alive.
2016-05-22 01:54:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You chose to stay even after all the deceit... He knows that you were an easy target...
When someone has finished playing games with you, they toss you out like a rag, even tho you have stayed in spite of.. everything.
Your mistake was to stay in the first place.
People learn how you will allow to be treated,...and it wasn't good.
You lost your self in this whole mess and now finally that he has disappeared from sight, you are finally realizing what he did to you emotionally,spiritually and physically.. This is a tough situation for you... You need some major healing of spirit and you need to sink your teeth into something that will give you a sense of good.
Go do some volunteer work at the shelter or something for your community....
Get together with your girls and have a hen party....go work out, try kick boxing that will really let you release all ths hurt and anger.
He isn't together by the way, he has just moved on. give him his stuff, you are well rid of him and his kind.... He will try to guilt you into doing everything and always turn everything around to make it your fault.... hello....... you let him...
Now give yourself a kiss in the butt and get busy.. You have lots of life to live and happiness to find...
go on... it is waiting for you....this time remember what you don't want in your life.........
People like him bumble through life hurting and destroying lives.
Thank God you didn't marry him and have children...
2006-10-19 03:57:17 · answer #3 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Been there! I felt the same way when I broke things off with my ex-boyfriend of 3 years. I knew the relationship wasn't any good but it still hurt, especially when he acted like he could care less. trust me that is just a guys way of handling a break up! He probab;y really does care deep down inside but will never show it. That's just how guys are I guess. We wish they would just speak their mind sometimes! That may also be his tactic of changing your mind about him and the relationship. good luck!
2006-10-19 03:57:46 · answer #4 · answered by Lisa Marie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes it hurts! You're human. Time is a four-letter word, but it works. You need this time to face yourself and learn. Give in and grieve, cry, scream, be angry. Don't dwell on the past or heap guilt and words of self hate and failure upon yourself. Life is choices. You can choose to be a victim and seek pity. There are plenty who will oblige you. Don't give in. Kick yourself in the behind and go on with your life.You are special. There's only one you in the whole world. It doesn't matter what he did or didn't do or why. What matters is YOU. You go girl!
2006-10-19 04:16:21 · answer #5 · answered by Joy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This sort of addiction is hard to deal with, both by the person who is addicted, as well as those that love him (or her). If he left you, I would suggest you move on with your life. Someday, if you are meant to be with him, things will work out. Until then, you have to do what is best for yourself and your son. Porn addicts often will act out against children; the vast majority of pedophiles are addicted to pornography.
2006-10-19 05:36:14 · answer #6 · answered by Shayna 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi there,
yes i think it will fade away, the guy sounds like a complete tool, you need to realise that this is his loss and you've come away better. My best friend is going through the same thing except she hasn't got rid of him yet, but i know she'll be much better off without him once she's over him. I think you will too
good luck
2006-10-19 03:52:45 · answer #7 · answered by Rick 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow..i dunno..if a man wants to move on u pretty much leave him go..all u can do with men is treat them good if they decide its over..well not much u can.really do....just try to forget about him..best u possibly can..it helps if u dont listen to any music for awhile and meet with friends who will make u feel better.
2006-10-19 05:24:59 · answer #8 · answered by dreamy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you feel like that because he might care but thinks that if he does all this it will be for the best and that he can just move on after a little while
2006-10-19 03:49:16 · answer #9 · answered by august_grom2004 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He will be back, I have been through this before When you start to lose interest it will scare him and he will be at your door. Act like you don't care, and become unavailable and he will be back in a jiffy!
2006-10-19 03:55:57 · answer #10 · answered by shellygirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋