Part 1) Ladies, if your boyfriend had an ex-fiance (who is now married with 2 kids and one more on the way) from 6 years ago, and all of a sudden they started being friends again (and the ex shows OBVIOUS signs of still being in love with YOUR boyfriend), would you be comfortable with them being friends??
Part 2) If said ex-fiance still maintained a strong relationship (i.e. calling and checking up, coming over for dinner, coming over to chat, etc…) with your boyfriend's family (i.e. parents and siblings) would you be comfortable with that ex being apart of the family??
Part 3) Would you feel that this ex is standing in the way of you and your boyfriend having a future together??
P.S. The boyfriend wants NOTHING to do with his ex, and is trying to get away from her, but his family is making this impossible.
2006-10-19 02:44:41 · 14 answers · asked by Figuring things out... 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Btw, I have talked to my boyfriend about this issue, and he has emailed his ex and asked her to stop. He doesn't think it is right at all, and half of his family (his dad's half) doesn't agree either. Its his mom, stepdad and sister that don't see a reason to get rid of her.
As for me trying to be friends with this woman...yeah...I tried that. But ALL she wanted to talk about was how they did this together, how they did that together, how he TOOK HER VIRGINITY!!! I couldn't handle it anymore and had to stop talking to her. She is just way too stuck on the past!!
2006-10-19 07:25:21 · update #1
She is an ex-fiancee - they never got married. They share no children, no property, nothing at all. She needs to quit, move on & back off. His family also needs to mind their own business. Your b/f needs to tell his family how he feels & ask them to quit. There shouldn't be any contact with this other woman, especially if he wants nothing to do with her. so 1>NO 2>NO 3>yep, she's gonna try to mess up the two of you. You call her & tell her to go home to her babies & whatever man she currently has & to STAY there. Tell her your b/f doesn't wish to see her, speak with her, be any part of her life. Tell her she's pregnant & so unsexy with it that the sight of her repulses your b/f - that oughta get her to back off. Tell him you're gonna call her yourself - make sure he knows what you're doing. Perhaps he will be moved to call her himself, if he knows that it's bugging you so badly & you feel like its messing up the two of you. HE has to make his family quit - not you. YOU don't say a word to them about her - but you need to push him to do that (men need extra encouragment).
Good luck my dear - get rid of the witch!!!!!!
2006-10-19 02:54:21 · answer #1 · answered by pumpkin 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Part 1) Yes, I would be comfortable with it as they are just friends and I trust my man.
Part 2) No that would get me thinking a bit. As it is obvious that the two of them still has unresolved issues that they have to sort out. And I would encourage the bf to talk to her and tell her that the two of them are not an item anymore and neither is she welcome to come over and spend time with the family. But if she so wishes to keep in contact with the family then it is her thing.
Part 3) No as I have complete trust in my bf. If he feels otherwise then I would be the adult and let him go. If our relationship is strong then there should be no problems. Over-protectiveness and jealousy should not be in the relationship.
Well, he can't really blame it on the family. When she comes around he can make an excuse that he has to be somewhere. Give her the cold-shoulder. Your bf is just being too nice with her, him being the gentleman that he is. Tell him that when she comes around he does not have to feel obligated to sit in on the conversation and when she calls he can decline. That way she will get the message loud and clear.
Trust your man, he has given you no reason to doubt him. He just does not how to deal with the terrable ex that's all. Be there for him and tell him that he has your full support and that if he should need to talk then you are there to listen. Be his life-support. When he sees that you are supportive and not accusing him of all kinds of things that he is not doing. He will realise that he has someone valuable that cannot be replaced. In other words, Be his strength in his time of weakness which is now. He won't ask you for it but guys tend to do things on their own and don't like asking for support. Best of luck amigo and if you should need any more advice check my 360 or my blog at annelize-sexylee600.blogspot.com
2006-10-19 10:02:17 · answer #2 · answered by Rock Angel 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Part 1 - No
Part 2 - No
Part 3 - Not if he isn't interested. If he has put her in the past and wants to continue to build his relationship with you, then it can work.
He needs to place boundaries with his family. He needs to tell them how he feels about the decisions they are making with regards to how they are treating her. He also needs to let them know how it is affecting your relationship. The bad news is if they don't like you then they will continue to use this as a tool to divide you. The good news is if they care they will respect your wishes and do what they can to support your relationship.
In the end you must realize that you can control no one else's choices.
Your boyfriend and you need to focus on your relationship and how you can build it to be strong enough to handle whatever may come your way. Think of this as a test and set yourself up to pass with flying colors.
Nothing will get to her more than you both being extremely happy and committed to your relationship.
Good Luck.
2006-10-19 10:00:30 · answer #3 · answered by flutterbybug4me 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1. If he wants nothing to do with her, then their being friends isn't really an issue, is it? If it is an issue, tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable, and it probably makes her husband uncomfortable, too. If they insist on being friends, then be her friend, too. Then she won't see you as a threat, and maybe you won't see her that way, either.
2. She still visits his family? That is weird! I'm sure his family sees that, too. There's nothing you can do about it.
3. Tell your boyfriend how you feel, and then let him decide what is best. You can't make a choice for him, and if you try to force him to choose, you'll only end up making him look bad. If you can't live with his choice, then move on.
2006-10-19 09:58:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
1. I won't be very comfortable, but I will try to tolerate the situation because in this case, my bf wants nothing to do with her.
2. No way. It will make me feel like an extra. Technically, I'm still my bf's gf and what is the ex-gf trying to do? Trying to prove herself more worthy of my bf by getting close to his family.
3. Yes, even though my bf may not be interested in her, his family still plays a part in influencing our future.
2006-10-19 09:52:04 · answer #5 · answered by tengteng 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Part 1 No
Part 2 No
Part 3 Yes
Maybe he should try sitting down and talking to his family, He needs to tell them that he needs to respect your relationship with him and that it is making you very uncomfortable. I would then take it from there
2006-10-19 09:49:14 · answer #6 · answered by Sweet 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
honey this is a x for a reason its not your ob to make her go away its hes and if he hasn't made the attempt to do so then you should have a talk with him because it dosent take a scientist to see what shes doing shes trying to squeeze her pathetic way back into his life so have a talk with your bf and tell him how it makes you uncomfortable and maybe he will put a stop to it if not move on hes not worth it and neither is that beeotch
2006-10-19 09:52:40 · answer #7 · answered by khissmyputtytat 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1. Tell her to stay away.
2. She didn't date his family, so it's okay that she stops by their home as long as it's not to win him back or getting them to tell your b/f that they need to get back together.
3. Tell his ex to get the heck out of your life! Actually make your man do it! Then she will back off. He doesn't want her in your life so make him stand up and tell her what's up. She sounds like a leech to me.
2006-10-19 09:53:46 · answer #8 · answered by inlovewow 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get out! Drop his now. No one is worth the headache. If they are suddenly friends again that means they've been talking behind your back and if his family is part of the problem they're showing signs they don't care for you. Find someone else.
2006-10-19 09:49:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell her off! Just say HAY you and him are over get it through your little brain. Pay attention to your own family and stay out of ours! Hopefully she swings first cause then you can really show her whats up!!
2006-10-19 09:47:58 · answer #10 · answered by Sandra 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋