i know im abit annoying but I've written so many
and I WOULD LIKE 2 KNOW SOME OF ur oppinins?
................
My feelings for you is a feeling that cannot be described said or told
and theres nothing wrong about it.
I dream of you everymorning,everynight and everyday
and theres nothing wrong about it
I see myself having you'r child
I see myself being your wife
and I see my whole future in your eyes
and theres nothing wrong about it.
BUT not to feel for you
or dream of you
and not see myself with you
theres really something wrong about it!
2006-10-19 02:38:26 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The greatest mistake new poets make is to believe they are creating poetry when they express what they "feel." This is a fallacy. A famous literery critic once said, "poets are people who write about emotions the rest of us only get to feel." This quote actually nails the truth. Your job as a poet is not to vent your emotional plasma into space, it is to explain to others how THEY feel. The greatest compliment a poet can receive is when a reader remarks, "when reading your work, I felt as if you were reading my thoughts." That's what poetry does; It reads peoples' thoughts and hopes (and fears and dreams and nightmares, etc. etc, world without end, amen).
As a poet, your job is not to go on about your emotions... "My feelings for you..." or, "I dream of you..." (Incidentally: the phrase would be "My feelings for you ARE"-- not "is." Feelings are plural).
You are merely writing prose in no particular meter or stanza format. There is no order to your composition. If you want to touch others with what you write then you must be evocative.
Don't tell me you feel, any three year old can say "I feel, I dream," etc. What are your feelings like? "My feelings for you are a raging torrent," or words like that.
If you want to write poetry you must understand and embrace with uncompromising integrity the deft precision of language. I'm sorry, I don't see that here. I remarked earlier that "feelings" is a plural word. I also note your tag, "there's nothing wrong about it," is syntactically clumsy. Generally, things do not have things wrong "about" them -- they have things wrong "with" them.
You need to focus on imagery, irony, metaphor. Before you write, you must be passionately in love with the sounds of words, and how those sounds create images that leap from dead pages to living hearts and minds. I'm sorry, but poetry is ever so much more than telling people how you feel or what you dream.
2006-10-19 03:03:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
ya the sense of ur poem is good but a bit open.
Try to use certain words that will have double meaning(of course good meaning) that will ask the readers mind to read it again and find the meaning.
Finally ur poem would be read through different dimensions.
that will help
and the opening lines must be short and then the lines should increase.
ok.That will allow the smooth flow of your poem.
bye
2006-10-19 09:48:19 · answer #2 · answered by abhishek_prakash_cal 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really like the central theme of this poem. I think if you dropped some of the "and"s that it would help with the rhythym. But all in all I think this is a very nice heartfelt piece.
2006-10-19 09:41:08 · answer #3 · answered by tom4texas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you do have talent, i have been writing poetry for a while also songs...what i like about the way you write is the fact you know how to express yourself through your words...and once you know how to do that effectively your on your way....it's really good, dont stop writing, good luck.
2006-10-19 09:53:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see myself having you'r child
I see myself being your wife
maybe reverse these lines :-)
and use your (possessive) ... always run the spell checker it will be fast and catch these types of mistakes. (there are a few others)
I like your poem!
2006-10-19 09:44:05 · answer #5 · answered by travlin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you're way too willing, in a "clingy" kind of way. Back off a little, or I'll get a restraining order.
2006-10-19 09:41:58 · answer #6 · answered by New Rider of the purple sage 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a pile of shight I have read better things on the back of a can of rat poison.
2006-10-19 09:44:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
just what i needed to read while dropping the duece. great poem. I give it 5 flushes... but i still need the plunger.
2006-10-19 09:43:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is a real nice poem, u have talent id like to see more if u have any.
2006-10-19 09:40:32 · answer #9 · answered by James R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
umm its a lil confuseing it contridics itself the words have to mean more then just rhyimg together
2006-10-19 09:42:36 · answer #10 · answered by khissmyputtytat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋