low self confidence?

Question

Everyone seems to say confidence is sexy in the opposite sex. I am wondering how to raise my self esteem. In college I avoid eye contact with all guys and when they do meet my gaze I get bright red. When people talk to me I give quick short answers. This is completely not my personality when I am comfortable with someone, I am so outgoing and easy to talk to. How do I go about becomming more confident and is my uneasiness a huge turnoff to men?

Answer 1

Confidence isnt nessiarly sexy at all. To be honest, I love a shy girl. I'm the same way with people too, I never go out and randomly meet girls I think are cute or anything because I'm way too shy and afraid. When I do meet someone for the first time, I'm quiet and don't say much and over time i break out and I'm myself. Listen, you don't have to be the girl everyone wants you to be. Do what feels comfortable, dont worry so much about it, its not the end of the world.
Usually girls who are too confident are the girls who can get any guy and discovered that at an early age, and the guys that go for those types of girls...well...I hope you wouldn't want them. Your a very cute girl and I'm sure you have more going for you than you think. If push comes to shove, have your friends introduce you to some of their friends and make new friends that way, thats what I did here in college.

Answer 2

I have as a guy little self-confidence and am very uneasy whenever it seems a girl likes me or might like me. (which - for better or worse - is often with me - which makes it worse). Like you, once I get to know someone and feel OK around them then I lose the shyness too. But that's not the issue.

Hmm.... but, how to overcome it in the beginning? There's always an "interface" between a person and everything around them, including their reactions/feelings about certain things. For me the reason I'm so shy is half a feeling of shame, half just a product of being introverted and thus ill at ease around those I don't know to where I feel comfortable with. Shame is part of an "interface", and probably an unreasonable part of it. That's the best answer I can give, just, food for thought in directions of thinking further.

If a person has low self-esteem because of shyness, that's one thing but if a person has low self-esteem, over long periods of time, just in general not just with regards to the opposite sex, then that's something else.

I wish you good luck! You're doing yourself a favor by being candid about yourself - most people aren't. That's already a big step in the right direction I think.

Answer 3

I wouldn't say your uneasiness is a turnoff to all guys. To some I'm sure it is because they may be reading your signals wrong. They're not the best at that you know!

I have a couple of questions for you:

1) Looking at your picture you seem to be an attractive young lady. Why would you NOT have confidence and self-esteem?

2) If you are interested enough to look at a guy and he is interested enough to make eye contact with you how does that NOT boost your self-confidence?! Guys will go OUT OF THEIR WAY to make sure they don't make eye contact if there is no interest there. You're reaction is probaby telling them to BACK OFF!

I firmly believe that 90% of one's self-esteem and self-confidence is determined in her OWN MIND. Start thinking positively about yourself. What are your talents? You already said you are outgoing and easy to talk to. Many people aren't. That's a plus. You are obviously attractive. You seem to be smart. What's not to like? If you still can't connect with that confident lady deep down within - FAKE IT! When you see the reaction you receive it will be easier to come up with the REAL THING next time.

Go for it sweetie. Life is short. Be you. Be real. Have fun.

Answer 4

Having low self confidence can be almost crippling in some social situations. And often bashful or timid people can be misunderstood and perceived as unapproachable or unsociable. I have quite a bit of experience in this area because I am the introvert's introvert. I prefer to avoid most social situations unless I know the people well. The problem is getting to know people well. How does one do that when one prefers to socialize with only a small group of friends and family? Actually it was my job that helped me adapt. I was promoted to department manager a few years ago and I soon realized that I must interact with the client and other folks in my department. I have to be outgoing and friendly. To that end I volunteered to host safety meetings for a week. I created a Powerpoint and I presented it to four groups of about fifty people each the first week. It was a horrible struggle for me but as the week progressed it did get easier. The Powerpoint had a lot of humor and I discovered that I felt absolutely empowered when the crowd was laughing and enjoying my presentation. Word got out that the Powerpoint was pretty funny and many other managers and supervisors asked me to present to their groups. To date I have done thirty five meetings. I just finished four more this week and two people approached me to present to their groups in the near future. I still get nervous but once I get started it is the most incredible feeling. I almost crave being up front and it is the absolute opposite of my personality. Anyway, as a result of all this "exposure" everybody knows me, even those I've never met. I said all that to say this... make yourself be outgoing and friendly when you are in school or other social settings. I know it's difficult if that is not your personal style. But the more you do it the easier it becomes. And your self confidence will increase with each smile and warm hello. You will notice that people are much friendlier and you will actually enjoy yourself more. They don't need to know you are working at it, they will just think you are self-confident, friendly, and caring. The thing is, that really is who you are. You want to be outgoing and friendly. It's just tough when your self-confidence is a little low. Now don't get me wrong here, as an introvert it can be a real effort to be social. But you will always be able to have the time to yourself that you need.
Oh, don't worry about the men. I have a feeling you'll be fine in that department. Just flash that confident smile and dazzle them with your humor and charm!

Answer 5

Being a parent I would ask you. Why try to make yourself into something you are not? Never change what you are or who you are to try & please somebody else. All it will do in the end is make yourself miserable. I have always told my children when you are uncomfortable, just think you are in a room with poeple younger than you. Take charge, put on a smile, happiness is contagiuos. Never worry what others think. Their are alot of good poeple in this world & their is somebody out there just waiting to find you. If poeple don't like you don't worry about it. Their are lots of poeple that will like you. If it's not going to go down in history or matter 20 yrs from now. You really have nothing to worry about. Raise your head high & say I am who I am and proud of it. Shy girls are more fun than air heads. Airheads are usually long on mouth & short on brains. College is tough. It's hard enough to maintain grades without worring about your self esteem. Put forth the person in your picture. Thats who you really are and get on with life. You will be happier for it. I have always said. Laugh about something at least once a day. Keep smiling.

Answer 6

Im one of the most confident people you will ever meet. I have no problem being dorky staying up late answering advice columns all night. I can stay in on a Friday night and not think twice about what else is going on. First of all, being confident takes a lot of time and work. I first of all believe there is nothing wrong with being cocky either---so my advice may seem a little one sided. The number one thing I can tell you to do is to not let what other people say about you get to you. Of course negative things that people say about you will upset you, but never let anyone know. Always hold your head up. When someone says something negative about you---dont respond to it by dropping down to their level--simply ignore it and just let them look dumb. I cant really tell you how to be confident---but just be comfortable with being yourself and dont think twice about or worry about what everyone else is doing. Do your own thing.

Answer 7

Why would you be low in esteem ? If your avatar is how you look, you are very very very attractive.

Well, on the other hand, you can get confidences in several ways. One is by education. When you know you have the brain above your shoulder, you posture and your charmisa will be very different. That is very very attractive indeed.

So if you are low in self-esteem because you think you don't have a look. Then make it up with other area that will boost your confident.

Oh, by the way, if you learn how to dress and present yourself. You will get many attentions from other guys. And as time goes, you will gain confident in your looks. And you will be more confortable with your looks.

Answer 8

Looking at your avatar i cannot understand why you have no confidence you are gorgeous but having said that some women are too confident and that can be very unattractive so i would say just be yourself and try not to dwell on it too much.

Answer 9

I rember you cutiepie face, amanda. you asked this question before. put your guard down and extend a hand and shake a hand and say..."Hello. I'm Amanda."
I wish i could fly to yoy just to give u a lenghty hug and let you know that everythings gotsta be alright. U R A CUTIE !!!
so be kewl, yo. with hair and cheeks like urs, young men should be linngup to meet you. so stop being wacky.
email me.....i'll holla LOL

Answer 10

Low self-esteem girls are the best! They actually worry about their bodies so they workout and stay thin. Confident girls get really fat because they think they don't have to work.