I am 19 years old and engaged to a 26 year old. I love him but sometimes I feel like he doesnt like me to do anything. I want to get a job and he doesnt like the idea, i want to move in with my aunt bc of family problems at my grammas but he said he feels he will lose me. When i mentioned working he just totally went off and said i wont have time for him or i will be to tired for him. He works all week from 3pm til 11pm and dont get home til like after 12 sometimes not til 1am. He told me that i should either stay home or go to college but he dont feel its safe for me to work. I dont get it. One night i was spending the night at my aunts which is where i am at now and he actually had the nerve to ask if i had another bf here. That hurt. He says i dont trust him, well I do but he never introduces me to girls that he talks to. I dont feel he trusts me. What do you all think, and what should i do?? (I try to talk to him but we end up fighting which is not anything new.)
2006-10-18 16:38:09 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Please do not marry this guy. He is not ready to love you. Just because he says he loves you does not means he knows how to. He still needs control. If you marry him. He will control your every movement. What you wear. when you go out. who you can be friends with etc. He is trying to manipulate you. read your prompt and ask yourself the advice you would give to your friend if she were in your circumstance. You know what you would say. remember you deserve what you accept. if you just accept him controllin you (which is not love) than its your fault because you can get out now.
2006-10-18 16:44:25 · answer #1 · answered by Armond B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, No, No, he is trying to control you honey. You need to live him alone. I have a friend who ol'man doesn't want her to work. They've been together for 6 years, and now have two kids. She only 23 and the guy is 30. She never held a job because he always took care of her. Now she wants to live, but it's hard cause he is the one with all the money. And now she has to raise her kids. She can't just leave him, she's stuck there. Get out of it while you can. He just wants to control you. Plus, your 19 and he's 26. Naw, sweetie, you should be enjoying your life right now. You need to let this guy go.
2006-10-18 16:42:01 · answer #2 · answered by Heaven 2005 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are much too young to be in a controlling relationship like that. He sounds very insecure in himself, and that can sometimes lead to violence. I think you need to break it off now before it gets out of hand. If you don't, you will probably regret it later on in your life. You need to go on to college, if that's what you want to do. I don't mean to sound like you are immature because I don't know anything about you, but at 19 yrs old most people still have a lot of growing up to do before they are ready to settle down. There are plenty of good guys out there, so don't just settle for anyone that comes along. I wish you the best.
2006-10-18 17:15:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like neither one of you trust each other... what do you have if you can't trust the other? I think you're too young to get married. I think he's right and you should go to college. I think it's wierd he doesn't want you to work and it sounds like he may be an abuser. Be careful because it sounds like he's trying to cut you from your family. That's a red flag of an abuser. Either way... don't get married just yet.
2006-10-18 16:42:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both need to have a deep and intense conversation.
Marriage isn't going to solve his insecurities. It's not like marriage is going to wipe the slate clean and you both are set off on a new adventure with little to worry about.
Before you go even further, be honest with him and yourself. Are you (or your fiance) just getting married because you've always wanted to get married?
Talk it over, and remember to be honest with yourself. Is this the man you really want as your husband?
If you can't even communicate as a couple, things are only going to get worse as time goes by. You are a team, and it really seems like you both need to check in with each other.
Note: I'm not even touching on your age and his age. It's not the topic of this conversation.
2006-10-18 16:40:39 · answer #5 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is the one with trust issues. Are you sure he isn't the one cheating?
Hate to put that thought into your head but that is usually a key sign that a man is cheating, when he starts to be possessive. That is also a sign of abuse. Be VERY VERY careful. I am sure you love him and all but this doesn't sound good to me. He sounds very controlling and I am sure that any good counselor will tell you the same thing.
2006-10-18 16:42:10 · answer #6 · answered by shannon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me that he is the one that still has a lot of growing up to do. Sit down with him and explain your feelings with argument. Tell him you love him but if he loves you for you then he has to let you do what you feel is right for you. You going to college is always a good idea for your furture. Keep that in mind.
2006-10-18 16:47:15 · answer #7 · answered by itistigger70 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sounds like a SOLID relationship and you've got an appearance on Jerry Springer to look foward to.
2006-10-18 16:41:02 · answer #8 · answered by bardstale 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are in a relationship with a control freak and the only thing that will help you is if you got the courage to get out of it and brave enough to do it as soon as you can. i don't think the guy loved you as much as you love him, so feel the hurt now and get out fast, as soon as you can!
2006-10-18 16:41:43 · answer #9 · answered by livinhapi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a very possessive person. I have got friends (couples) like that. They're all divorced after a short marriage. You better cut off now and look for a better person.
2006-10-18 16:50:36 · answer #10 · answered by John C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋