my longterm boyfriend wnats to have a threesome. what does this mean? am i not good enough for him? I think that it might ruin our relationship... what if he likes this girl better? whast if i cant tust him anymore for touching another girl? how should i handle this???
2006-10-18 16:35:04 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
strongly object. if he really wants it, it means that your opinion has no longer made an importance in him and he will not think that you mean anything to him anymore. never allow a good relationship to have a threesome
2006-10-18 16:42:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sexual attraction to people is natural. This doesn’t mean that you aren’t enough for him; this just means he wants an experience with someone else as well. No strings attached. Here are a couple things to consider:
1. He was honest with you, so apparently he cares about your feelings enough to tell you instead of trying to get one outside of the relationship.
2. Attraction happens. I don’t care how in love you are, lust is lust and it will commonly happen. Now whether you act on it or not is what creates the problem.
3. He wants you to be part of the fantasy. Not 2 random girls, But you.
While it would seem i support him I’m not trying to, I’m simply trying to show you some things to think about. Ultimately it is up to you. If you don’t feel comfortable, DONT do it. If you do you might grow to dislike him because of it and it can ultimately ruin the relationship. All in all id say, do what YOU want to do and be honest with him. Honesty is what makes and breaks relationships. Good luck to you!
2006-10-22 06:01:49 · answer #2 · answered by penguinatron 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your boyfriend exactly what you just told us. If he truly loves you honey, he's not going to force you into anything you don't want to do just to satisfy some sexual fantasy. These things never work out and more times than not, WILL ruin a relationship for the very reason you've listed as fears. If he wants to spice things up, work with him to come up with other alternatives that don't include outside parties. You'll get more satisfaction knowing that you can please each other. And if he questions your logic, simply ask him what his next idea would be when that stops getting him excited?
2006-10-18 23:42:06 · answer #3 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're obliviously not comfortable with the idea of participating in a threesome, so I don't think you should go through with it. It will not help your relationship if you feel insecure, besides there is no reason why you should have to share your mate. Tell him how you feel. If he really loves you he will understand & let it drop.
2006-10-18 23:42:00 · answer #4 · answered by Arikbo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It means he wants to fulfill a fantasy; it's nothing personal. However, DON'T under any circumstances have a threesome unless ALL three people are total comfortable with it. It sounds like you are not, so I'd say don't do it.
2006-10-20 01:15:25 · answer #5 · answered by The Man In The Box 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Long term relationship.................definitely a NO. I definitely ruin a relationship. It not that you're not good enough for him, he has sexual fantasies we all do but there are something you cant acts on. Try to interest him in other sexual fantasies that does not involve with other people. If that still not satisfied him then dump the guy.
2006-10-18 23:42:43 · answer #6 · answered by angelbeauty8 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's okay to be nervous and not want to have one. Not everybody is cut-out for it. Opening up your relationship takes a great deal of security in yourself, your partner, and your relationship. Jealousy is nothing but insecurity. If you are secure in all three of the above you wouldn't be jealous, which you are. I get this from the statement "what if he likes this girl better?" He might have great sex with her, just like he has great sex with you, but if you have a great relationship great sex (which he is already getting from you too) won't make him leave. Unless he is that shallow.
My wife and I have been swingers for several years and have had some great times. I've seen her have some incredible sex with other men and women. Has she left me? Of course not. We didn't get married just because the sex was good. She and I both had good sex with our ex-spouses and those we dated before we met. Why are we married to each other and not any of them? Because good sex was not enough to mask all the other areas we didn't get along with our ex's.
There is a huge difference between sex with someone you love and sex with someone you don't. Some people need to be in love to have sex. Other's can easily seperate the two. For me, sex with someone I am not in love with is like a one night stand. It's a great time, but lacks real emotion. Sex with my wife is soul sex. I get not only physical satisfaction from it, but emotional satisfaction too. Any swinger will tell you that sex with someone other than their spouse isn't better, just different.
If you can't do it, though, than don't. You should never do anything you are not comfortable with just to please someone else. You'll only feel bad about yourself afterward and resent them too. He needs to understand this. If it doesn't work for either of you, than it won't work for both of you as a couple. That is a primary rule of swingers. It's something you do for both of you as a couple, not to please just one person.
Swinging (and yes, a threesome is "swinging") is an unselfish act where your partner's enjoyment is essential to your own. If they are not enjoying themselves for any reason than you don't do it either. So if you are not 100% on board with the idea, than don't do it. And, no means no. You boyfriend, respecting you as a person, should understand and abide by that.
On another note, why is the threesome a FMF? How would your boyfriend feel about a MFM? If he is not willing to afford you the same situation as you are affording him, than his reasons for wanting this are selfish. He has to be just as open to that situation as he expects you to be about a FMF. Capisce?
If you decide to do it, than the first step is to talk, talk, and then talk some more. Incredible communication is the key. You have to talk about everything, every fear, every turn-on, etc. Both of you. And both of you have to be able to hear it. If you can't to that, than you shouldn't be swinging.
Start by learning from those that have been there, not those that are giving you advice based on their own fears, which are probably allot like yours. It's amazing how those that have never experienced it feel they have all the answers.
Below is a link to a great website with lots of good information from those that are presently swingers, have been swingers, and those thinking about it. Read what they have to say and make up your own mind. ;-)
2006-10-21 01:44:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa, if your not into it tell him straight. Never, ever feel pressured to do something he wants. If he doesn't like it, then stuff him. I can't handle a threesome, seeing some other girl with my man would provoke me to hit her.
Obviously he wants more, a true boyfriend would want you and only you.
2006-10-18 23:41:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you aren't interested. It doesn't mean you aren't good enough. Don't try to read anything into it. Sometimes when you want something, you just want it. But wanting it doesn't mean you can have it. You decide what he can and can't have, and so if you don't want him to have a threesome, he can't have one. Simple as that.
2006-10-19 11:56:22 · answer #9 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this means he wants a threesome. that's all it means. It's a fantasy common in a lot of men.
IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH IT, DO NOT DO IT. Because you will resent him. And sex of any kind should be consentual from both sides, and fantasies, fetishes, etc are all included. You have a right to say no.
If he loves you, he won't force you to do something you do not want to do. Instead, you could consider watching threesome porn with him.
2006-10-18 23:39:22 · answer #10 · answered by KB 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋