Here’s the situation--My five year old cousin has lived with my family for the past (almost) two years. He has FAS and his parents have been totally out of the picture for the past four years. My aunt (his grandmother) took care of him for the first three years until my uncle died. She ended up going bankrupt and we took him in. While she does love him and she is getting her life back on track which is a great thing. Here’s where it gets sad--my mom was talking to me the other day and said my aunt was planning on taking him back in about a year after she gets her life “back on track for good.” I am so worried! I don’t want this little boy to be out of our lives. I don’t want him to go back to the town he is from only to live a life consumed with drugs and bad influence. I fear for him but don’t want to start a family feud. I don’t know what to do. We live in Florida and my aunt lives in Ohio. She hasn’t come to visit him once since he left her home--so visiting him often isn’t really in the question. I know my aunt and I both love him so much and I think I’m better fit--to a degree but I just don’t know what to do. Should I get into a custody battle? Should I just let her have him back? What should I do so I don’t step on anyone’s toes or let him go?
2006-10-18 15:47:19 · 9 answers · asked by .vato. 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
We are in the military. We can pay for the child's needs and then some--we have a child of our own. He doesn't need government assistance here as he does with her.
2006-10-18 15:59:30 · update #1
You need to think about the childs welfare. It seems if he has been with you for 2 years then he is getting accustomed to your household. It is hard on a child when the guardians keep changing. This causes confusion with the child. They feel no one wants them. (when in fact everyone wants them). If you love this boy then explain to your aunt that you feel he is just fine where he is at. He is adjusted and doing well. See what her reaction is. If she gets very upset then you need to make a decision... do you step on someones toes or do you take care of this child as you do best? Do you have actual guardianship of him now? If not it would be best to get that done. (I went through this situation with my cousin. Her mother was going to better her life and my cousin stayed with me. She was going to sign temporary custody to me but then she realized after she left how alone she was and that she "as a mother" needed to start her life over with her daughter. We let her go back to her mom.
See what he thinks. He may be young but I am sure he will want to stay right where he is.
2006-10-18 16:00:07 · answer #1 · answered by Keith Perry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you love your family and you don't want to start any battle between you and your aunt but I think you should do what is best for your cousin and if you feel he will have a better life with you then you should stand up and voice your opinion and if that means getting into a custody battle, then so bid. Its about a child and I know you care for your family but look at some of your key points. You don't want him to be consumed with drugs and bad influence that is more important then anything. you could change his life and if you don't stand up for him who will. Think about it, you stepping on a few toes is going to save a child from a bad influence life that is the most important thing. I wish you luck and I hope God gives you strength to make the right decision. Good luck and God bless
2006-10-18 16:10:15 · answer #2 · answered by msleya2002 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
drugs are everywhere, just as bad in Florida as in Ohio. Was there an understanding that the aunt (the child's grandmother) just (so to speak) lent the child to your family while she got back on her feet? And, could your family afford to pay for the child and the child's needs? After all, she IS his grandmother. And parents come first then grandparents.
Why not give the child back if she comes for him with the proviso that you and your family would be available if the need arises again. And, go visit the child from time to time or keep in touch on the internet. These days the internet is like being in someone else's livingroom (with a cam and voice). You can still keep in touch and keep the child busy.
2006-10-18 15:57:26 · answer #3 · answered by sophieb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speak up for the poor baby he can't speak for himself. If you feel you are better to take care of him then speak for him. A judge will listen to you he won't listen to a five year old. My finacee was abused as a child. (This is a little different situation just giving an example). He says his dad always knew there was something suspicious going on, but he didn't want to have to pay to go back to court so he never spoke up. He left his son with his crazy ex-wife where he was beaten daily and especially on days when he went to see his father. He finally went to live with his father at age 8. He is now 23 years old and still has the scars to prove it. I know this is a little different. All I'm saying is kids can't speak for themselves. Do what you think is best. If he is happy and taken care of. And you aren't a recovering drug addict then I don't see how the judge would have much decision in front of him. I see where you are coming from on the family fued thing........ but if something happens to that little boy you will feel like crap and blame yourself. Try talking to your aunt first. Tell her you would like to keep him and take care of him. You know she is trying, but he has really adjusted. If that doesn't work, try to get full rights. Do whats right for the 5 year old not your aunt. Good luck. E-mail me if you need anything else.
2006-10-18 16:20:09 · answer #4 · answered by Kellen's Mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you honestly feel you can give the child a better life, then you need to find a way to sit with your aunt and talk with her. Tell her what you feel you can give this child to give him the best options at life...medically, emotionally, educationally. Tell her how he has done while staying with you...what improvements you have seen, what strides he has made. Have you husband there to explain how the child can become a military dependent (you will have to be providing the majority of the income and have legal custody to qualify) and how that opens the door to other wonderful opportunities. Do not accuse her of not caring for the child, point out the fact she has not come to see him or anything that will put her into a position of having to defend herself. This is about what you can give, not about what you feel she can not.
Finally, as a military family, be prepared to enroll this child in the EFMP program. You mention FAS. This will, in many cases, require the child to have special education services (if he is not recieving them already) that may not be available in every state and would be harder to find if you were sent overseas. By enrolling in EFMP, this will require the military to reveiw the chid's records to be sure services will be available at your new location. As a military Mom with a special needs child (our son has autism) this will restrict your assigment options. Most overseas assignments will be refused as the DoDDs schools , while outstanding, have limited special ed services, especially on the smaller bases. But, if you decide to raise the child, you must enroll. It is far better to loose out on a tour in Europe than to get there, realize you ca't get services and have to get sent back on an emergency PCS.
In any case, you need to decide how strongly you feel about being able to raise this child. There is a srong chance your aunt may not want to make the change and will want to bring him home with her. If you genuinely feel you can give the child a better life, then you may have to decide eventually if you want to take it to the courts. You don'tmention who has legal custody, which could make a difference. In any case, listen to your heart and your gut. Do what you feel you must and what you can.
2006-10-19 01:25:35 · answer #5 · answered by Annie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would contact a person with free legal aid services, because from what i know, once you've had a child in your care for over a year, you can fight for them. Even if she has her life back on track, think about that boy, all the issues he has. Would your aunt be able to cope with it. If i was you, i'd ask for a legal opinion on the matter. Dont let that little boy suffer, from someone else's mistakes, he deserves more than that.
2006-10-18 19:55:44 · answer #6 · answered by littledsboo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should try adopting him before she can get back on her feet because who know if she's going to be on her feet forever? If you start the adoption procedure now it takes about a year to get everything settled. That little boy should be happy that he has two people who love him so much! Good Luck!
By the way... I see you responded to that ladies question about young girls wasting their lives away and sex ed should teach you what you need to know etc... I completely agree with you! I had my son at 20. He is the best thing that could have happened to me. I settled down and got serious about graduating from college. I am 4 weeks away from graduating with my bachelors! People like that really bother me! I just want you to know that, we are on the same side.
2006-10-18 16:21:45 · answer #7 · answered by Dana J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go talk to a lawyer and see where you stand. You might find out you have no chance of keeping him or that you have a very good chance, get a lawyer that deals in custody cases
2006-10-18 23:24:39 · answer #8 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you love him take her to court and fight for him. he have been with you for that long and she haven't came to visit him. sometime you have to step on someone toes do what's right
2006-10-18 17:17:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋