I just got married last month and I still guilty about this today: I have 3 siblings and my sister was the MOH and my younger bro was an usher. My older brother was not in the wedding because I already had enough ushers. So I asked him if he would be my music man for the ceremony since it was outside, but he rejected. Given that, it was time for pictures and we were all so rushed that we didn't even get a family shot on my side of the family. Therefore, my big bro was barely included in my wedding at all. I still feel so much regret that I bought him football tickets to a game a couple weeks ago. Should I feel like the biggest ***** in the world? I tried to include him. The day just didn't go as planned. I know he felt bad too because he cried when he danced with me during the dollar dance. During the reception, my mom kept telling me "Go talk to your brother" And all I wanted to do was have fun because it was my wedding night. Any thoughts on this? I can't quit feeling bad.
2006-10-18 14:05:11 · 15 answers · asked by Lacey 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You shouldn't feel regret, because your wedding was your day. It's not about anybody but you, so feel good that you had a union with the man you married and had loving friends and family close for a special ceremony. That said, the way you treated your brother was very insensitive. Buying him football tickets or any gift as a means to ease your guilt doesn't take that guilt away, because it doesn't address the issue. The only thing you can do is sit and talk with him and clear the air. His feelings are hurt and you need to let him know that you empathize and you want to put the hurt feelings behind and continue with your loving brother sister relationship. Good luck.
2006-10-18 15:47:39 · answer #1 · answered by Zloar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I understand a little because my wedding day didn't go quite as I had planned either and I feel regret. I am finally feeling better, it's been a couple years. My parents are divorced and I got myself so worked up about the 2 families merging for the big day that sadly and stupidly I barely enjoyed myself at the reception and feel I kind of ruined my husband's night. I was also physically and mentally enhausted from the week before of last minute details. I'm glad to say that I was completely present in mind for the ceremony but at the reception I felt really stressed and I regret that I didn't let myself have more fun on my own wedding night. I still and probably always will regret that however Ihave heard that many brides feel this way because there is just such a building up to it and it can be very overwhelming. So it is unfortunate that your brother wasn't included the way you felt he should be but you did have every right to enjoy yourself that night. He will get over it. You can also reassure him that you feel bad about it and didn't mean for things to happen like that. Also do things now that will show him how much he means to you. Suprise him at work on his birthday or something. I don't know, make a big deal out of him. Personally I feel all the hub bub surrounding weddings is way overrated. I think I would have been happier with a small wedding. Although if I had a small wedding I probably would've wanted the experience of a bigger traditional wedding. You live and learn. I hope this helps.
2006-10-18 21:23:57 · answer #2 · answered by Rhianna 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So whos day was it? I am confused. Yours or your brothers. Its wonderful he wanted to be included but he should have been happy to see his baby sister get married. Both of my older brothers were not involved in the wedding. I had my cousins all in the wedding but not my brothers. There feelings werent hurt. When the time is right you should tell your family that it hurt your feelings that on your special day you had to go talk to your brother to cheer him up. That wasnt part of the deal on your wedding day. If he didnt take the job you offered its his own fault he didnt feel in.
Dont feel bad. Weddings bring on so many bad emotions for relatives. Just go on and start your life with your husband.
2006-10-18 22:06:37 · answer #3 · answered by Erin B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should feel bad, you don't have one sibling in your wedding and exclude another. It's all or none. You are not a very nice sister and trying to buy off your guilt with football tickets it's just sad. What you did is wrong and you owe your brother an apology. You had enough ushers is not a good excuse.
2006-10-18 22:25:25 · answer #4 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
*smile* Welcome to the typical wedding. Dear, that sounds like the best case scenario. (I was just at a wedding in which the groom's family left because someone offended the cake-baker.) Don't feel as though you have created this horrible situation because things weren't "perfect" and your brother didn't have the happiest day. Newsflash: the wedding is all about the bride and groom. I'm sure you did your best. Now move on and have a good life with your family... you know -- your husband.
2006-10-18 21:48:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, you tried to include him. You shouldn't feel bad if things didn't go as planned. The thought was there and after all, it's what the bride and groom want for the wedding not what the guests or family members want.
2006-10-18 22:08:45 · answer #6 · answered by cyber_music 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say you are feeling alot more regret than your brother is. If he is older than you, then he is hopefully more mature enough to know that things happened the way they did just because.....and that you did try to include him in the wedding. He was the one who refused to do the music. That was his choice.
As far as the family picture of the bride's family....well, things happen. As long as you got pictures of you and hubby...that is all that is REALLY important. If it is all that important to you to have a fmaily picture....perhaps you can get into your gown again, and have family dress as they did that day and get together for a picture.
But, I really think that brother is more okay with this than you are giving him credit for.
2006-10-18 22:21:43 · answer #7 · answered by lildragonlexi 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, you need to take your mothers advice and talk to your brother about this. Tell him that you`re really sorry and explain that it wasn`t a personal thing. He loves you, so he`ll at least try to understand. At least then he can tell that you`re making an effort and he won`t feel like you like him less then the rest of the family. Tell him how bad you feel, that will help him understand that it wasn`t something that was done on purpose.
2006-10-18 21:15:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a shame you didn't listen to your mother but you can't undo what has been done either. Talk to your brother and tell him how you feel and I'll bet he will forgive you and you all can go on. In the future be more aware of peoples feelings at the moment. And remember Family is VERY important. Good luck....
2006-10-18 21:17:56 · answer #9 · answered by kitkat 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You shouldnt feel bad. You offered him something to do, and he turned you down. THATS on him. You also bought him football tickets. That was very nice of you. What more can you do?
The picture thing just happened. Like you say...things just didnt go as planned. These things happen. YES, it was YOUR day. DO NOT feel bad. You sound like a really decent person, cuz youre feeling bad, ......but you shouldnt.
2006-10-18 21:12:27 · answer #10 · answered by ~~ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋