Lost anyone to suicide?

Question

my father committed suicide almost 4 short months ago. i am seeing a therapist but still am going through the rollercoaster of emoptions. has anyone lost anyone to suicide? i am not myself and wish that i could be with him.

if you left a comment and would like to email me or leave your email, please do so. i thank you all for your wonderful comments...with the exception of a couple sour ones. i really feel and understand you all. thank you again.

Answer 1

Yes and it is awful. My father committed suicide when I was 15 years old. It was a horrible time in my life. You are so right about the rollercoaster. I feel for you, I am so sorry that you are going through this right now.

I know its difficult, but try to ignore people who make insenstive comments about suicide being selfish and cowardly and stupid. It is so not what you need to hear right now. His suicide has no reflection on you in your life. You don't need to own it.

I am 30 now. 15 years have passed and I now am able to look past the cause of death, and heal from the loss of my dad. So please, take time to be good to yourself, it is such a vulnerable and tender time for you.

Oh sweetie I am so very sorry.



(obviously this still affects me, I am rambling all over the place....)

Answer 2

You have my deepest sympathy and yes I have had a suicide and an almost suicide in my family. My nephew, 35, OD's on oxycontin and it was not his first attempt. He left 5 children all under 12. I bleed for those kids...they were so confused and hurt by this. Because of the children I thought it was a selfish act on his part even tho he was miserable and alcoholic for a long time. My ex husband attempt it by trying to hang himself...but the belt broke and he fell into a seizure and that's how I found him...in a seizure but I had no idea how it happened. At the hospital the doctors told me it was a Grand Mal seizure and I accepted that. Two years later in a fit of anger he told me we were all stupid and told me what really happened. I was in shock over this news...in a fog for weeks on end and traumatized. Anyway, my point in answering your question is to tell you what I learned from all of this. It is that as well as you think you know somebody...you don't really know them at all. I suspect your dad had something going on in his head he could not or would not talk about and thought that suicide was his only way out. It never is of course but he didn't know that or believe that. They never think of the people they live behind...or if they do they think they'd be better off without them. It is a terrible, terrible burden for the family members to endure and you never really get over it. Like most losses, the pain eases up over time...but when it is suicide the questions never seem to end. I don't have all the answers, certainly, but there are others out there who have been where you are now and have formed groups and I hope your therapist has led you to one of them. The survivors are your best bet for this healing process and I encourage you to seek them out for your sake. Good luck and God Bless....

Answer 3

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have never lost anyone to sucicide per say, I did lose someone to an overdose. I guess that would almost be considered the same in some views but not in others.

I know what you are going through and it is tuff. That was 6 years ago and I still wish (not on an everyday basis now as it was then) that I could be with him either here or where he is now.

BUT, you can't be with him. Even if you do something to harm yourself, there is no way to guarantee that you will be successfull in you attempt and you could live disfigured and harmed for the rest of your years. Or if you are successfull who is to say that you will be with him in the afterlife?(no matter what your religious views--not trying to cause a debate with other readers on this so please don't stray from the subject at hand if you post to this person's message)

Please continue with you therapy, join a support group, write a journal, every year on his birthday write little notes to him and tie them to helium filled balloons and let them go in the sky. Or you could even do this on the anniversary of his death, whatever you see as the best time to do remember him. Make a list of all the good things in your life and thank each and every person in your life for being there for you during this horrid time.

I will not tell you that it ever gets better or easier or any of that crap that some tell you. It dulls some with time, but that hurt, that anger at him for leaving like he did, that wish to be with him, etc will ALWAYS be there, just not as strong.

It is ok to be angry with him. but never stop loving him. he is always with you no matter what, he is with you in the good times and memories that you had even if they were few and far between or everday was a good day while he was still alive, just keep the positive thoughts on him.

You will learn to smile and laugh again, it will just take time.

I hope that you will keep some of this in mind. talk about it with your therapist, do whatever you need to do to help yourself.

Answer 4

We lost our nephew to suicide 15 years ago, he was 23. You will go through a rollercoaster of emotions, sadness, the sense of loss and even anger. There will always be the question of why ? what could be so terrible in his life that would lead to this? how could we have prevented it? They are still unanswered, and I don't think they ever will be. I always wonder to this day what he would have become. Always remember the good times and never set blame on yourself or others. I always felt it is a very selfish act, but I have forgiven him.

Answer 5

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Yes I have, and yes, in my long life there are times I thought about it because everything looked so hopeless, but I didn't and my life became much better and i would have missed out on a lot.
I'm sorry about your dad, but he must have been in a really bad place to do this. I understand your wanting to be with him, but you know that is not the right path, and as much as you love him, I think you know that. It will get better- most suicides regret it soon after the attempt- but it's often too late. Hang in there you can do it - if your dad could talk to you, he would tell you the same thing- you know he would.

Answer 6

First I want to send my condolences to you and your family. I lost a friend of mine to suicide. She had clinical depression also know as Bipolar Disorder.
You need to know that your father didn't intend to hurt anyone directly, or doesn't want you to feel that you are to blame for the decision he made on his own. Suicide is something that even professionals have yet to understand; what drives someone to that point that they feel they can't seek help or have their issue solved in a different manner. My friend had mentioned she was going to commit suicide but no one knew when/where/how she would do it.. I suggest you keep up your appointments with your therapist, but also know that the more you open up, the less burden you feel inside.
Whatever issue your father had, he wasn't capable of dealing with it and made the ultimate decision on his own. You are not to blame.

Answer 7

I had a friend that committed suicide and I feel for your loss to your father. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.
I know you wish that you could be with him, but your father would not want you to make the same mistake that he made.
Committing suicide is not a laughing matter. My daughter-n-law father tried committing suicide and it was tough on my son and his family.
I recommend you seek professional counseling, and get back to yourself.
I wish you the best of luck and your family.

Answer 8

My husband committed suicide on May 23, 2005. I am not going to sugar coat it, and I am not going to lie to you. It hurts every day, and I am still on that rollercoaster. I am also not myself anymore, and honestly I don't think I will ever be that person again. Too much has happened to go back. I am so sorry for your loss, and if I can be any help to you, please don't hesitate to email me. You have to continue to see your therapist, because you cannot deal with this by yourself. Your statement that you wish you could be with him, worries me. Please don't make the same mistake.

Answer 9

My brother committed suicide in 1989. He hung himself. It was horrible, he was an alcoholic, and he was taking Valium.
My cousin also hung himself in a county jail.
Why? I do not know. Was there something that could have been done?
Acceptance, that is what I've done. Because they are gone, and all the whys, in the world will not bring them back.
My advice is accept it, don't try to figure it out. And get on about the business of living.
That may sound harsh, but talking about it only makes it worse, and you are going to have the same out come. They are gone. You are alive, maybe later in our lives we will have they opportunity to help, or even save the life of someone, who is talking about committing this horrible act.

Answer 10

No I have not lost any one to suicide in my family but I know some who has and you can contact her on the web at paulawhite .org She can give you great encouragement and insight on what you are going through. It was her father too who committed suicide when she was a young girl. Please contact her as soon as possible. God bless you. Stay strong.