When my husband isn't working he's off fishing or doing something. I'm always home with our 1 year old, and on days like today when the baby is cranky I have to do it alone. I don't even get a five minute breather. When my husband is home, he goes on the computer for hours and trying to have an intelligant conversation with him is like pulling teeth. I can't get him to do anything with me. I'm so sick of being alone. IK'd rather do this single, than have a partner who is never here.
2006-10-18 11:38:42 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
GO DUTCH!!!!1
2006-10-18 11:40:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
First, do not think you are alone in this problem. Most women are right there with you.
For me I realized that part of the problem is raising a small child is stressful and tiring. My problem was I had changed and my needs had changed.My husband had not changed. My husband would come home and expect me to be as cheerful as I was pre-baby. Not happening. If you know that you and your husband truly love each other, but he just can't give you all of the support you need, you can go elsewhere. The old "It takes a village to raise a child."
It helps if you have family to talk to, and not your mom, who will then be left with bad feelings about your hubby. I gripe to one of my sister-in-laws, and she does the same to me.
Find something he likes to do that you can do with him. I now know football, boxing, and Nascar. And do not expect your husband to reciprocate. I hear more about my husband's work than I care to, but it is conversation.
As your child gets older it does get better. Most men don't know what to do with really young children. (For those of you who are going to be offended by generalizations, please realize I did say most. I know not all men are the same.) Wait until he can teach the child something, like sports or riding a bike.
Most communities have outside support for mothers. Check with community centers or church groups for Mothers Mornings Out. My other sister-in-law is very active in her church and the mothers would get together once a week. Or go to a park with your child, and maybe you will meet someone else in the same boat. If not at least getting out of the house helps.
For me, I can't wait until both of my children are in school. Then I can get a part time job somewhere and have my own life instead of just supporting everyone else having a life.
As hard as it may be, try not to get too frustrated and find a girl friend to share intelligent conversation. I hope there are still other parts of your life you share with hubby:).
2006-10-18 12:16:07 · answer #2 · answered by tim christine 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to do more investigating because it sounds like your husband could have another women. Also, you need to talk to him to let him know how you are feeling even if he acts like he is ignoring you the reality is that he hears everything that you say.
I do not blame you too when you said that you are better off alone because he is here and he does not help, so he should not be there. I know how you feel because I am in a similiar situation and I have 3 children and I am pregnant with my 4th child. He totally ignores me, he is not affectionate too me at all. He sleeps on the counch every night. The last time we had sex was when this baby was concieved. He has not touched me in 8 month's, I am planning on leaving him because I can't take it anymore.. Good Luck!!! You are not alone here because other women is experiencing the same thing and worse...
2006-10-18 11:48:07 · answer #3 · answered by Vicky 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You poor thing. A child is like two full-time jobs. When he gets home, throw him a box of macaroni and cheese and say you're going out, then leave before he has a chance to say anything. This will get his attention....
He only treats you this way because you allow him to. Don't start going and demanding that he comply, or criticizing him at all. He will resent you and tune you out. Simply ask him for some help, then lay the praise on thick when he does help.
Don't forget to always appreciate him, his effort, and tickle his ego. When you make it feel good for him to help out, he will want to more.
Share your perception of his behavior without accusing him of anything, and ask him how he would feel if he were in your shoes. If he can't tell you without defending himself, tell him he will get that chance when you take a weeklong visit to your mother's house. If he does understand and accept your perception (without defendind himself) than ask him if he would be willing to step up and take up some slack. Tell him how wonderful it would be for him to give you a break.
Having a new child that demands so much of your time and energy can leave your hubby feeling neglected. It can also cause him to feel slightly intimidated by your capability and emasculated. Don't forget his ego needs, and to put him first. If your baby cries because of separation anxiety, don't immediately pick him up. Send him instead, tell him you'll be "waiting" (flirt) and he "won't regret it", Then take care of his needs when he returns.........
2006-10-18 12:08:28 · answer #4 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband probably misses the way things were before your child was born. I went through a similar problem with my husband. Try a regular "Date Night", every week or every other week. It doesn't have to be anything extrordinary, just time for the two of you to be alone, and it should be on a regular basis. Most likely he wants to be with you the woman, not just you the mommy. If you try ignoring him, it could back fire. Don't forget that he needs to be respected as much as you do. You won't get him to want to be there for you if you start by offending him.
2006-10-18 12:04:38 · answer #5 · answered by kangel005 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are really feeling this way you should explain it to him and if he's not understanding or listening to the way you are feeling and it keeps up. You should consider all of your options. People go through rough times when a child comes into play, no matter how long they have been together. it could just be something as simple as he doesn't know how to be a Father, or he doesn't know how to show his affection. Fact of the matter is you need to be honest and up front with him and if he can't accept it or try and fix/change things then he's really not worth your time, nor your childs. A child deserves to have a father and a mother who are both there, or an individual parent who can provide cimpletely.
2006-10-18 11:43:12 · answer #6 · answered by Mango Monkey 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really feel for you. That is totally unfair! I would Be angry too! Well at this point if you have tried talking to him, and expressing yourself, what else can you do? I don' understand why someone is not interested in being with his family? Most parents rush home to be with their families, that is the way it-is suppose to be! You should sit him down and really, truly , express yourself to him! If that does not help, you have a decision to make. Deal with it, or make moves on your own! You can't make someone do things that they don't want to do, you know? well sweetie, I wish you the very best of luck! I hope everything goes well with you. When he goes to sleep at night, step out and have a drink on your own, or go visit a friend! You need time to yourself too! Marriage is about give and take!
2006-10-18 12:11:41 · answer #7 · answered by Jm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh I'm sorry to hear this. I am just wondering if he was like this before the baby? Has it always been this way? I think you really should try talking to him more and even getting marriage counceling. If he isn't up to that make it your last resort but let him know that if he doesn't give it a try then you are done with this relationship. Sorry that you are in this situation!
2006-10-18 12:28:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry , I really don't know what to say. I am in the same spot you are. I have a 6 month old baby and my fiancee is never home. I know he isn't cheating, but I feel like I am a freakin single mother. He never helps with anything! I don't know what to do!! If you want you can email me and we can talk.
2006-10-20 16:37:32 · answer #9 · answered by Maddie's Mommy!! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how that feels... so start by ignoring him and not cooking dinner, cleaning the house then.. .on the weekends, ask your mom or someone you trust to babysit and go out for a "me time"...if he asks you why you had to leave the baby with your mom or his mom tell him that you need to take care of yourself and he has not offered to help... when he asks for some "love" tell him you are tired, you are busy and not wish to be a single mom of two... he should get the message... Always remember... you are not only mother and a wife, you are a daughter, a grand-daughter, a cousin, a niece an aunt and a friend... you are a woman... you have needs that need to be nourished and cared for...you are a fabulous woman... remind him of who you are.... good luck
2006-10-18 11:59:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't know what he does for work but your job is harder. He doesn't recognize you as having a job. Get him to take care of the baby for a day, this will probably screw up the baby's schedule but he will recover and you husband will see how hard it is. Then explain to him what you want.
2006-10-18 11:42:02 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋