How do you get over a miscarriage?

Question

im 19 yrs old its been a month now i still can't get over the fact i lost my baby
i was 5 months gone and had a miscarriage ive been goin out and seeing my family going into town and i also starting councilling but everytime i see babies, children,pegnant women it brings me down even more and i can't cope
i put an act on around my family and friends and they think im ok but i'm not really everyday gets worse and even harder i just can't cope

Answer 1

Oh Katie, I'm so sorry for your loss. You are going through the process of bereavement which is very difficult. You will probably be experiencing feelings of depression, guilt, shock and of terrible loss.

You never will forget about the loss of your child but it really will ease. For things to begin to get easier your mind has to struggle to make sense of everything. Your body has to adjust to not being pregnant and your hormones will be playing havoc.

I don't think you should try to smile for the sake of others. Talkl to your family and friends about how awful you feel. They probably find it difficult to raise the subject for fear of upsetting you. Take someone aside who you trust and let your feelings go.

Cry when you need to. You see these feelings have to surface in order for you to heal.

In years to come, perhaps when you have other children,you will still remember your first and your child will always be with you deep in your heart.

I hope this helps a little and I hope that each day brings a little more light into your world.

Take care.

Answer 2

I have had two miscarriages in the past year. At the start of the first one a very friendly emergency doctor explained to me that having a miscarriage can be a "good" thing, meaning that your body did not accept any imperfections, and that instead of your baby being born unwell, it stopped the process. It is also your body's way to protect itself from anything that may be dangerous, or harmful.

I know that no ones words can help, and even if it doesn't sound logical even now I am typing it, it gave me comfort, and it still does.

I hate it when people give you statistics with regards to miscarriage, because I am not a statistic, and no matter how many statistics people throw at me, it won't make me feel better.

My Dr even told me that they won't start looking into the problem I have with carrying full term, as they only start to worry after you had 3 miscarriages!

No one can undrestand what you are going through, even though they try really hard, and the sooner you understand and realise this, the better it will be.

If it is really tough on you there are groups you can join, ask your GP. It is good to speak with other women that went through the same thing.

Good luck honey, only time will heal!

Answer 3

I'm sorry. Many psychologists and counselors feel the loss of a child is the hardest thing in life. I'm so very sorry.
You are in the process of griefing so much, the baby, life, the loss of your own joy. It hurts so bad and grief takes a time to get through. I'm glad your crying, that is healthy.
One of the difficulties w/ miscarriages is how to "remember" the event. If you did not have a service of some kind, find a pastor, write/read a poem over some place special to you. This may mean setting a little plastic boat free on a river w/ the name you had picked etched on the side. It may mean planting a tree somewhere that is special. It may mean you determine to feed an orphan overseas for 5 months every year - cost w/in the good programs is $150 to 200. All of which is to say finding a way to commemorate the life will help you not have to carry all of the life by yourself.
God bless you, dear lover of a life.

Answer 4

sounds like you are getting depressed hun. Grief is a natural process of loss but getting stuck in a depression rut could take months or even years to get out of. You need a good friend to confide in. Maybe the father if he was involved, or someone who knows you well and is willing to help hold your hand through this process. It will take time but eventually you will begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Im sorry about your baby, I cant have any children at all which is something I can share with you when it comes to getting upset when you see other people with children, but I could never imagine having one and losing them. I hope you can at least gain some wisdom from this experience. While it may seem unfair or cruel, believe it or not everything happens for a reason. God bless.

Answer 5

sometimes people don't give you the time to actually grieve. and sometimes we don't think we should feel as bad as we do because the baby wasn't born yet, therefore, it doesn't really count. but i ask did you have a funeral? it is not wrong to want a true finality to the terrible moment, and it can actually help to name the baby and commemorate the child. It may help you move on.But you have only been grieving for one month. I now you don't want to hear the pain can go on a lot longer but you also have a lot of hormones that have to readjust and that takes a while too. When the hormones return to normal you will find you will see this in a bit different light, not necessarily easier, but without so much intensity as you feel now. This was your baby and it is just as important as anyone else's, born or unborn.

Answer 6

I am so sorry for your loss. Of course the best thing you can do is to keep sharing about it. The longer along you are in the pregnancy the harder it is when the miscarriage happens. My heart goes out to you and yours. Have you thought of having a memorial for your child? Something to remember him or her? It can be very comforting. Talk to those who understand. There is a great website: miscarriage.com I think you should share your pain, not pretend your're ok. If you are feeling worse, you may need professional help. Please keep writing and sharing. I lost a nine week pregnancy; and I was devastated. People can be very insensitive and cold. Don't let others invalidate your pain of loss. God Bless you.

Answer 7

I don't think you will ever "get over it", but it will get better. The one thing that helped me cope with my own miscarriage is knowing, for whatever reason God was ready for my baby before I ever got to see him or her, that my baby is with God and one day I will know him or her and so will their big brother. I would get so angry at people telling me that it was a "blessing in disguise" since i was 20 and had a one and a half year old son at the time. I'm still angry at losing my baby, sad and hurt, but I deal with it much better now. I hope that the one thing you can take with you from your experience is how precious the life of your child is and will be, and I know that will make you a wonderful mother.

Answer 8

Oh dear, I am so sorry to hear this. I had a miscarriage over a month ago myself and I was 2 months along. I used everyone around me as my support system. Talking to my boyfriend, my family, and my closest friends have really helped me move forward.
Some days or even weeks you will feel fine, and then it will come back again. It's hard because while it will still affect you, everyone else around you seems like they are back to normal and you're like "but I'm still sad about this!" Just keep talking to the ones closest to you. It's okay to let yourself feel sad and upset by this, and they have to understand that you still need their support.

Answer 9

im really sorry that happened to you. i have never been there so i cant tell you exactly what to do but im 20 and currently pregnant. my aunt and i were pregnant at the same time but her baby died when he was 5 days old from a heart defect they thought could be fixed. that was a horrible experience. my aunt is having a really hard time. she copes well though by sharing her experience with people just like you who share the same pain. i dont think anything will ever make her better but talking to people who have been there too does wonders. you should try the same thing.

Answer 10

I'm so sorry for you! I understand what you are going through because I have been there. It's great that you are getting help but I think it's important NOT to put on an act on front of your family and friends. These are the people that will help you the most through this and they need to know how you are really feeling. I wish you the best!!