My daughter of 10 has always been a bit anxious, probably cos her dad and I split up before she was born, he sees him and always has a good time there but it's the going that's difficult (we've tried everything and it's easier now, but like I say still dificult).
Well, she went to her dad's for a month this summer, as usual, but since she got home she's been following me all the time, even from room to room! She freaks every bedtime about me going out in the night - which I've NEVER done unless it was organised with babysitter and she knew about it. I mean I've never gone off and left her - ever! She's always freaking that I might have a car accident when I go to work, every day she says "You're coming to pick me up tonight, right?", yeah like every night, if it's not me it's her stepdad (who she gets on fine with). Anyway, we've never ever forgotten her! I've tried to reassure her, to love her more cos it must be hard for her, but I just don't understand where this anxiety comes from
2006-10-18 10:39:21 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
I have talked to her about why she's so scared. She says her dad went out one night without telling her, and again early one morning before she got up. She wasn't on her own but with her stepmother (she doesn't like her too much unfortunately). I have stressed that we'd never do that, and she should talk to her dad (she won't let me talk to him, she's too embarrassed), she says he doesn't care, that he told her she was being silly. Not very tactful really. I just don't understand why she now thinks I could disappear from her life, I don't see the link. And she feels that I might just go, even if I say I never will. Poor poppet!
No she doesn't (as far as I know) have any friends who've lost a parent.
2006-10-18 11:20:16 · update #1
Hon, I really do feel sorry for her and you. I have a 10 y/o granddaughter that went through the very same thing. My granddaughters Dad is in prison and he and my daughter have been divorced for several years. Granddaughter went through the fear just like you Daughter is doing. She would not leave my daughters side and wouldn't let her go anywhere without her.
She was finally put into counseling and is doing so much better now. I am sorry to have said so much about our situation I only wanted to show you that I do know what you are going through. Keep doing what you are now, giving her extra attention and reassuring her that you are never going to forget her. God bless both of you.
2006-10-18 10:57:28 · answer #1 · answered by shirley e 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
did u ask her if anything happened while she was at her dad's? or if they had any conversation that upset her? Did she want to go stay there for a month, she felt pushed to do so? it sounds to me more like a fear of abandonment, it is too risky to put labels on children and so soon, it may is a phase she is going through and she gets over it with time. However, the first thing i would do would be to talk to her. tell her that i am oncerned, ask her what she is afraid of and try to understand how this fear developed. sometimes kids make connections that we can not even imagine For example, a quarrel u had before she left could make her interpret the trip as a punishment - go stay with your dad. i am not saying this may have happened, i am saying this as an example that we can never know what is going on in a kid's mind. So talk to her, reassure her in every way that u wont leave her, explain to her that this fear she has developed is not really true and that u can help her get over it. If this persists for more than 6 months see a child psychologist. I just think that if u talk to her, keep talking to her and helping her to express her feelings to you and listen to her it will just go away. Take care :)
2006-10-18 17:56:39 · answer #2 · answered by kourtina1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My Son is 6 years old and he is in therapy right now for Separation anxiety disorder. Look up this disorder on websites. The main symptoms are being "clingy", fear of going to bed, not staying asleep, scared of family members dying. This is a serious issue. But look up some info on the web and if you feel she has these symptom's take he to talk with someone. This can be handled and overcome with no medications it just takes time and patients.
2006-10-19 17:21:39 · answer #3 · answered by kh100104 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you asked her about nightmares? I remember when I was about this age I had the worst dream that my grandfather fell into a little well. It scared me to death and I followed him around for weeks( I grew up with my mother and grandfather). I wouldn't talk to anyone about it until one day I broke down and started crying and finally told my mom about my dream. She reassured me that the well was not that deep and had me look at it when it was dried up. After that I was fine, but for the longest time it was horrible.
2006-10-19 21:25:56 · answer #4 · answered by crystal m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TALK TO HER-she obviously trusts you and loves you, Ask her to explain how she feels and then discuss with her why she feels this way. What are her fears-are they specific or general? When did her fears start? How does she cope with these fears?
perhaps she just has a serotonin imbalance.....Talk to her doctor about having her checked for an anxiety disorder.
2006-10-18 17:55:40 · answer #5 · answered by rwl_is_taken 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she needs a good friend.
Pay attention to what she is watching on television or online. Ask her dad if he's noticed the same behavior.
Take her to a counselor who does play therapy.
2006-10-18 18:51:28 · answer #6 · answered by Traditional Gal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's an age thing. Has she had a friend who has just lost a parent?
2006-10-18 17:48:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her doctor. Poor baby, Good luck
2006-10-18 17:42:36 · answer #8 · answered by Married and loving it!!!! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋