After our baby was born, I notice my wife has poor parenting skills.?

Question

Our baby is now 4.5 months old, my wife is exhibiting poor parenting skills, she is spoiling our little girl and over feeding her. I notice in the middle of the night when the baby is crying, my wife jumps out of bed and feeds it, not to mention waking me up. She rocks the baby and coddles it like a little puppy, I'm afraid my daughter is going to grow up spoiled and expecting people to jump when she demands it. I've spoken to my wife and explained to her that when we put the baby to bed, that's it, lock the door and and explain to our daughter that she has to think of other people, and her crying in the middle of the night is disturbing and uncalled for. My wife doesn't see it that way , she thinks that little babies need to cry to make sure we're around. Well what happens when she joins girl scouts, we're not going to be there , she's going to have to depend on herself, I think this is a valuable life lesson. Where can my " poor parenting skilled wife " learn these skills ?

Answer 1

Uh- I think you have poor parenting skills. I'm glad your daughter has your wife!!

Answer 2

These aren't poor parenting skills. Babies quite often don't sleep through the night until they're older than 4.5 months. Your wife checking on your child is not unusual. Granted, she shouldn't 'hop out of bed' the moment she hears a cry; sometimes the cry may end after a few seconds and your daughter will go back to sleep. But how the hell do you expect to explain to your 4.5 month old baby that she has to think of other people? She's 4.5 months old! I hate to see what sort of expectations you are going to have for your daughter when she is in her teens. I would suggest you start thinking in an age-appropriate manner about your daughter. You cannot spoil a baby either, no matter how hard you try. I would say you're the one with the poor parenting skills, and selfish to boot about being 'woken up in the middle of the night'.

Answer 3

I think you should express your views to your wife. As far as a private birth, why not have the birth itself private, but her parents (and yours too if you wish) could be present in the waiting room. That way when all is said and done, and everyone is cleaned up, they can come in and visit with the family. As for staying after the baby is born, as a baby nurse (someone who takes care of the newborns while the parents are adjusting), I can't stress enough that your wife's arrangements may be best for you. Her parents can help you in much the same way that I help the parents I work for. They can take the night or morning shifts of baby care so that you and your wife can get some much needed sleep. They can help out around the house, help you with the baby, and run errands for you. Your first 3 weeks will be your hardest and it would really help you. You will have plenty of baby time after her parents leave, and during the time they are there, you wont be spending much time with the baby anyways (aside from eating and diaper changes, the baby will be asleep most of the time), so they wont be hindering your chance to bond. If anything, they will give you more of a chance as you will be spending less time worrying about all the other things you need to get done, and more time focused on the baby and baby related tasks.

Answer 4

Ya know, old buddy, that's why they invented whiskey - so us Micks have somewhere to turn when home life gets iffy! Actually, she's not doing anything inappropriate, mate. I've reared six of me own, and from what you describe, she's doing okay. Don't worry about the kid being spoilt. At that tender age, they absolutely need far more of momma's attention than they do at a later age.

What will happen - and it'll begin very soon - is that the child will discover the word "no". It will enter that time of life called "The Terrible Twos" and it will begin to assert it's individuality and independence with that word. You both will grow heartily sick of those two little letters "n" and "o". And then, just as you're about at the end of your rope, the child will pass the age of three and begin to turn on the charm, and you'll be dazzled all over again.

And be careful not to turn your eyes for long. Turn around and they're tiny, turn again and they're grown. Turn again and they've little ones all of their own. And like this Old Mick, you'll wonder where the h.e.l.l the time went, and when did I grow old?

Answer 5

Try turning the radio up very loud before you go to bed. That way your wife won't hear the baby crying and won't have the urge to go and give the screamming welp too much attention. If that doesn't work try putting a lock on the door. You keep the key. Lock it when you put the baby to bed and don't unlock it until you wake in the morning. You may also want to eat a good breakfast first as well before unlocking the childs door. You don't want to get too run down from taking care of the baby.

Answer 6

Everyone has poor parenting skills so to single her out is not right.I don't know if this is your first baby or not but she is just doing what all mothers do. yes she needs to stop holding her all the time and running to her every cry. but you can't just put the baby in the bed at night and lock the door and not go back in there until the morning. that sounds like bad parenting. i mean the baby may be hungary, needs its diaper changed or just can;t get back to sleep. or who knows what else. as far as over feeding her you will know if that is the case if you go to the doctor and they say that the baby is over weight and if the baby is spitting up all the time. don't be so judgemental of her. do you help he out with the baby? i mean you are coming off really mean. women naturally feel the need to nuture so that is what she is doing. she just needs to tweak a few things. but she will get it. just let her know she doesn't need to hold that baby all the time.

Answer 7

Is this your first child? If so, your wife is probably being overprotective. She is probably over-reacting to the infant's every cry and wail, and panicking that she is not feeding her baby enough (but, to be honest, a baby will stop taking milk when she is full).

She is not necessarily a bad parent, just being over-cautious. The thing to do is, if you are both sure your baby is clean, dry, fed and warm, and then starts crying, the best thing to do is leave her to cry, unless it is an obviously distressed cry. If it is a tired sounding cry, this is an habitual cry for attention. When your baby is older and does this, she will probably laugh when you come into the room. All your wife needs to do is chill out, and learn what is an urgent cry, and what is not. You will both be able to tell what different cries mean over time, very quickly.

Answer 8

I think daddys alittle spoiled and needs some parenting skills, You could learn a thing or two from your wife she is doing a great job. And to bad if the baby wakes you up. You called your daughter "It" She has a name. "FEEDS IT" is no way for a daddy to talk about his daughter

Answer 9

You should be helping your wife more with the baby instead of criticizing her parenting skills. If anything, you are the one that sounds as though you have poor parenting skills. Get off your butt and take some responsibility raising your daughter...Be more involved in raising her...

Answer 10

I have a terrific solution to the problem - your wife would be a MUCH better parent if she would leave you. And, there's a very slight chance that if you took some parenting classes - or even read a book or magazine or something - you might actually end up a half way decent parent. You should definately look in to cranial-anal dislodging for yourself, too.

Answer 11

Please go with your wife to your child's next doctor's visit. Please discuss your concerns with the doctor. Please also do some research on child-rearing. There are several different theories on sleeping and you and your wife should decide, mostly together, which one to follow. I must say however that most experts agree that raising a confident, independent adult begins with the kind of parenting your wife is exhibiting. And - there is no way to 'overfeed' a breast fed baby. There is big debate over demand feeding vs following a schedule, so you and your wife should decide what works best for your family. Ease up on the wife and decide what kind of father you want to be - what kind of relationship you want with your child (both as a child and later as an adult). The path you're on right now is a hard row to hoe....