whos the funniest comedian?

Question

give some of their jokes or punchlines

Answer 1

Dane Cook is really funny! My favorite is
... If somebody calls and messes with you on the phone like that you don't become terrified, you mess back ... If somebody calls and was like "have you checked the children?" I'd be like "I killed them!"


Mitch Hedberg is funny 2!
I had an antfarm once...them fellas didnt grow sh*t...Im like come on fellas what about some celery? hmmm...plus if i riped ur legs off you would look like little snowmen.

And U cant forget Rodney Dangerfield! he was the best
~Me and this girl were having sex. I asked her "hey honey, your not gonna hate your self in the morning are ya?"
she replied"the morning...no i hate myself NOW"

lol

♥

Answer 2

Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for $1.50. You can furnish your whole house for $10.95.
Chris Rock

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
Chris Rock

Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!
Chris Rock

Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?
Chris Rock

You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.
Chris Rock

Just some of them...

Answer 3

i could say British comedians are funnier regularly. yet maybe that's using the fact I comprehend their humour extra effective. i think of that American comedians place self assurance in punch lines too lots. although in announcing which you do have some great US comedians alongside with; Woody Allen, wealthy corridor and Chris Rock.

Answer 4

Stephen Wright or Mitch Hedberg

Answer 5

Mike Epps and Bernie Mac

Answer 6

Only 1 choice - Bernard Manning!!!!

So blummin Rude yet funny when at Radcliffe borough Football club

Answer 7

Greg Proops

"Florida is God's waiting room. Have you ever been to a place that is more stick-bone, stone-swamp, gator-asss stupid? They have state executions, followed by a catfish fry.

"He burned up really good! Spitooie, clang, whoo boy, let's eat!"

(Taken from the tape "Greg Proops Live!")

Answer 8

George Carlin, by far!!!

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day."

"Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. "

Answer 9

DANE COOK!!!!

"I grew up Catholic, Catholic. Every Sunday, every Sunday my dad made us get up and go to mass and you had to get there what? Quarter of five in the morning. Ya know because you wanted good seats. There were so many things to remember to when you got there, there was like little moves. Nobody knew the moves. Nobody knew. Like what was that one? Nobody knew, nobody looked at each other what is this? Try to make it up as you go. It was Peace. Peace is when you would shake the hands of the people around you. And the only reason you knew peace was coming because the priest would say peace five times rapid fire. He'd go, "And the peaceful disciple said 'My peace I leave, my peace I give to you. As we ate Reese's Pieces with the Lord. And he said I have a piece of lint in my peaceful EYE!'" But you know what you were doing while he was doing his little 'peace' rap? You were looking around for the people whose hands you were not going to shake. This was church and you were like 'Naw, **** that guy.' 'No, here he comes. No peace be with you. I'm all set. Peace be with you--*slaps hand* I said I'm all set, I'm doing my thing. I got a lot of people. PEACE OFF! Peace be with you--don't let go. You do not let go of me!' And then it was like 'snack time' right in the middle of mass... Yeah, right out of no where the priest will look down and be like, " LETS HAVE SOME YUM YUMSSSS... I'VE MADE SNACKKSSS."The crouton-o-Christ. The Jeezit.And he was like this and I got mad because he always kept them like this so I used to always want to mess with the priest, y'know. When it was my turn to get in the front of the line, I'd be like, "Ahh *sticks out tongue and holds out hands* Your move holy man... choose wisely." I always wanted to grab the bowl, go home, add milk and eat it like cereal. "Start your day out the holy way with Christ Chex. It's a miracle in a bowl." You open up the box it's like, "Ahhhhhh !" a little angel flies out. "GOOD MORNING!! LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!"

Answer 10

Dane Cook all the way!

"When I get done I want my wife's vagina to look like Stargate... children just materialize.... cut this, cut this... kay, I'm ready for school."