How do I get my three-year-old to stop hitting me?

Question

I love my son and I know he loves me. But if I am doing something else when he wants to do something with me he will start hitting me to get my attention. Sometimes he just does it because he wants to. Most of the time he will start to hit me when I am nursing my baby. I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

It is very common for children to become abusive at this age. They are just figuring out how their actions can really hurt and cause strong reactions, and apparently your child has found that out! I have a strong willed and very persistent three and a half year old myself, and it is so hard to keep calm at times, but I find it more effective when I do keep calm and consistent. I strongly recommend not allowing any hitting, and continue to separate the child from you when this is happening. Just keep repeating to him "we do not hit in our family". Now, what is most important, after the crisis is over is to go back to the incident and talk it over with your child when he is calm and rational. Make lists of what might work when he gets angry or when there is something you need to tell him that he won't like. Then, when the next crisis happens, you can refer back to the conversion you had with him: "You are getting angry again... remember what you and I have decided? You said, and we wrote this down, that when you got angry you would... instead of hitting people (my child and I decided that she can hit pillows). As far as the strong words go, you might want to talk about strong words that are OK to say, like "I am really mad right now! Or (my daughter's favorite) I am fuming right now... Children's books that deal with anger are also a great way to open doors for conversations with children, during times when they can listen...
I find it helpful to pay attention to my daughter's daily cycles... she tends to lose control right after school and then close to dinner times. I often have healthy snacks like nuts, vegetables and fruits that I offer her right as I notice her losing steam. I also allow for quiet times during those times. Play dates are over, TV is off, puzzles and playdough or other quiet activities are available for her do do alone. I also find that she loves to listen to music during those times. She also can help cook by washing the lettuce or the vegetables (cool water is very soothing, by the way).

Parenting is so hard, be gentle to yourself! If you need breaks from your child tell him. I hope this helps!

Answer 2

Bottom line the reason kids are doing the things they are is because everyone is trying to love them through there disobedience. I know I was brought up if I did something I was told not to do there was a consequence. 90 % of the time it was a spanking. So many parents are scared to spank there kids. I will give you a example. My 2 year old boy started throwing a tantrum at a church event. All I had to do is remind him of what would happen if he did not stop. He stopped immediately. Does spanking work with every kid, No but it will start showing them who is boss. A parent asked me how I got him to stop and I told him being consistent. From touching something he is not suppose to or throwing a tantrum he got to swats from when he was a year old. My kids are not perfect but they do know that when i say something I mean it. My daughter is 4 and with anything now I just have to remind her of the consequence and she does what needs to be done most of the time!! This is my opinion take it or leave it. It has worked for me, my dad, my grandfather, ..... You get my point.

Answer 3

You've got a jealous little guy! We had the same trouble with our two-year old. We tried "time-outs" and taking toys away and neither worked very well. Time-outs can make it worse because your son becomes the center of attention while he's sitting in the corner.

Try this: when your son hits, you absolutely refuse to engage with him. It's important to keep your voice calm, and to never say "please" or end the sentence with "...okay?". Both of those imply that your son is being given a choice. You say, "I can't pick you up, because you hit", "I can't play with you because you hit". You've really got to stick with it and it is just as hard on you. But if your son NEVER gets your attention as a result of his hitting, he will quickly abandon this behavior.

Answer 4

Sounds like a cry for attention. I'm not saying you dont pay attention to him, but maybe he is asking for more of your time. If you're nursing a baby i have to assume that the newborn takes up pleanty of mommys time in a day. You need some special time with your toddler each day. And when he does start hitting, you need to restrain him (hold his arms from hitting you) and explain that we do not hit the people we love. If he continues to do it, he needs a time out. One minute for each year of age (so thats 3 minutes for your son).

Good Luck Hun!

Answer 5

I had the same problem with my son,,,he would hit me all the time I thought I was gonna go crazy..I didn't want to hit him and send him the wrong message , so went to the doctors and he sad try time out,,I left there taking to myself , because he was my third and I never need to do timeout with my other two..but guess what IT WORKED... I would put him there on a stool , he hated it but never got up and ran I would explain why he was there and he stayed..Of course he cried the whole 3 min's but got the message and stopped hitting me. ( a min a year for there age )

Answer 6

he is jealous of the baby...my niece does that to my sister...she even said the baby was 'STUPID' and didn't know how to talk...i guess so at 2 days old. Well anywho, she started to hit her, for attention. My sister is very good with her kids..all she told her was...I will not talk to you when you hit or yell. And she didn't...when my niece saw she wasn't getting her way...she stopped. She also became a part of taking care of the baby...she gets to bring the bottle,diaper....and my sister let her give the baby a nick name, that only she could call her. The first one ..."stupid head" was a no no...but she ended up calling her .."Chicka"

Answer 7

I truly think the worst thing to do is to hit back. It just teaches that it is ok to hit. My son is 20 mos. and when he hits I catch his hand and hold onto it....I kiss it and tell him to be nice.

Now I am no saint....when he hit his baby brother who is 5 mos. in the head we had a time out and a bit of a stern talk...

But I like to think that he will eventually understand the concept of being nice when he sees it from us enough.

Answer 8

It could be an issue with attention. You mentioned you had a baby, sometimes older siblings will do that because they are not getting all the attention anymore. I would try to just grab his hands and hold on to them and tell him no, you do not hit. If he does it again, then time out for 3 min. then he has to tell you he his sorry before he can get out. Been watching too much Super Nanny....lol.
My nephew done this when his little sister was born, he finally got over it, but he would bite her, pinch her, hit her. Good luck!

Answer 9

For everytime he hits you, take a toy away. If he hits you 3 times then take 3 toys away. Get a basket and make sure he can see it and tell him that is the basket where his toys go when he is bad.

Don't put him in time-outs or anything ridiculous like that. What good is that going to do? "Sit in the corner and think about how you hit mommy?" That's not going to show him it's wrong to hit. There needs to be some sort of bad consequence and that it will happen everytime he hits. Time outs only isolate children and shame them rather than make them feel bad about their bad behavior.

Answer 10

When he hits you punish him for it. My son used to hit me when I was nursing and I would put my daughter down and spank him and put him in his room. After two or three times he stopped hitting me. Make sure that he understands that the hitting is unacceptable.