and sometimes it is hard for me to accept that I am not his father. In my mind I look at him and I love him like I love my own daughter. He is two and the same age my own little girl and I love him so much and sometimes it hurts that I am not his daddy. I found a preschool to send him to and I was filling out the application and I realized that I couldn't put that I was his father even though I feel that I am. I don't know how to deal with these painful feelings or put all the energy I have in me to be his father. Can someone give me some advice.
2006-10-18 06:52:56 · 13 answers · asked by mtjs06 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Just because you are not legally his father doesn't mean that you aren't his daddy by heart.
Is the child's biological father in the picture? Would you be willing to adopt him? Talk to your fiance and tell her how you feel. If his biological father is not in the picture talk to her about you adopting him and legally becoming his father.
2006-10-18 06:56:09 · answer #1 · answered by jmlmmlmll 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband feels the same way you do. My children love him (they are much older) as much as they love their daddy. They refer to him as their step father...not just by his first name, which helps a little. At this age, you could have a lasting effect on him as he is so little. I am assuming that he still sees his natural father, and that is fine...just love him like your own and don't give up. I am a foster mother and when I talk to case workers / CASA / their own bio parents I say these are my children while they live in my house and this is what we think is best...or whatever. They have all heard me talk like this and sometimes our kids will even call us mom and dad...it does feel different / better when they call us this compared to our first names. I totally understand how you feel...blood doesn't matter, it's the amount and kind of love you give a child.
2006-10-18 14:04:23 · answer #2 · answered by Mom to Foster Children 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just keep being there for him. I assume he will be living with you once you get married, or maybe you even are already living together. It's good that you love him so much, and I'm sorry it hurts. You are doing the right thing, you might not be his father on paper, but by you being there for him you will be his father in his heart and ultimately that's what counts. Even if his biological father spends time with you, he can and will be close to you. I've known people who loved their step-parents as much as their biological parents. Try to stop focusing on the technicality of DNA and just be there for your fiance and her son and build a good life together. If the biological father has contact with his son, try to have a friendly relationship with him too so the little boy doesn't feel pulled in different directions. Never put down his Dad in front of the boy, even if you feel like it, control yourself. Learn to accept that he can love you and his Dad. If the bio. Dad is not in the picture, maybe you can petition to adopt the little boy. Good Luck.
2006-10-18 14:01:05 · answer #3 · answered by nimo22 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is more to being a father then just the word. It is in your actions and the love you have for the child. Loving this child as your own is the greatest gift you can give if. Your fiance is the luckiest woman in the world. Keep up what you are doing!
2006-10-18 14:05:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You ARE his father. My wife's dad is actually her step-dad. He has raised her since she was 2 and she is now in her 20's. He now has two young boys that are his biological sons and he says he loves my wife just as much and he knows he is her father no matter what. People adopted children, does it mean they are not a mother or father because they are not blood related? Don't be silly. You are and will always be this little boy's father, blood doesn't bond people, love does!
2006-10-18 14:10:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if this child's biological father is not in the picture, keep in mind this little boy does not know you are not his father. your fiance is very fortunate to have you and so is he.continue to treat him and love him as your own. talk to your fiance about your feelings, and consider adopting him. if the father doesn't know about this little boy and he's been with you since birth you can claim him as your own. you wouldn't have to prove paternity if you claim to be the father, unless there is someone to challenge you.good luck and i think you are a great guy!
2006-10-18 15:00:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can try to see if the father and mother will let you adopt him as your own, then you'd be the daddy. I'm adopted and I feel that the people that raised me are my parents. It takes more than genes to raise a child and bond with them. Sorry I can't offer more advice.
2006-10-18 14:15:10 · answer #7 · answered by CruelNails 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because he's not your biological son doesn't mean that you can't be his daddy. It takes a whole lot more than that. You love him as you love your own, then raise him as you would your own. Just let him know how you feel about him as he gets older and he will appreciate you. I hope everything works out for you and your fiance.
2006-10-18 14:17:23 · answer #8 · answered by cellphone_lady 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's awesome that you feel that way about him. Most step-fathers never feel that way. You will have to cope with the fact that you aren't his father...but if his father feels for him the way you seem to then he is a very lucky little boy to have all of that love.
2006-10-18 14:58:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
kids dont 'need' fathers, they need daddys. you can be your little boys daddy and thats all he needs... just dont think about the fact that he isnt yours biological son because that is not what is important any way. just love him as your own little boy and thats what he will be!
2006-10-18 14:02:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋