How I can politely tell her she is being rude?

Question

We are all for diversity here in our, well club. We come up with ways to diversify and eduacate our campus, thats our purpose. But this lady is treating our diverse members like a Disney Land attraction. "Can I touch your hair?" "Do you eat rice for every meal?" "Can you tecah me your Latin style dance?" ( who said I dance?) She feels she is the epitome of tolerance though, but she makes us all feel like zoo creatures! What to do?

That hair touching incedent was so creepy, and the last straw. My friend just stood there while she petted her. That was so strange.

Graham H you seem to have some issues. Please don't scape goat them onto our "official club", we were appointed by the school, and have all worked in situations were we needed to promote diversity or have had divesity training. If you have issues with diversity, please don't take it out on us.

We don't want to single her out, we just want it to stop. We know it is not her intention to invade our space.

Answer 1

I am guessing by your comment diversify and educate that you all are from different backgrounds and possibly nations.
That being the case I think politely say that you understand the desire to know more about our cultures and lifestyles however your really approaching it w/o tact. We appreciate your curious nature but we are uncomfortable w/the touching and questions about what you perceive to be in our culture. Get to know us as people not the nation or situation we came from. Oh, and as a last resort tell her "touch my hair again and it's you and me in the driveway" just kidding. Good luck.

Answer 2

Slip an anonymous note under her door. Ask a person from her own race you consider polite to attend the next event, hang out with her and keep her in check. If its a teacher and no one wants to deal with her directly, write an anonymous note to her superior stating you don't want to get her in trouble but she could use some sensitivity training.

Also don't be afraid to say no to some of her ridiculous requests. Like the hair thing, I might say something like, I'd rather you didn't. That might clue her in real quick.

I want to commend you guys on not turning the tables on her. You could have said stuff like do you eat fast food every day or can you show me the bump and grind thing all you Americans like to do on the dance floor? Maybe you just didn't think of it but in fact it would be a bad move as it would be rudeness on both ends, not promoting tolerance and making the whole program look bad. So good for you for not lowering yourselves to her level. You are the true epitomes of tolerance.

Answer 3

Here I was all geared up to chastise you for being rude for wanting to do so, then I read the details, and, ewwwwww!

React to these affronts by being affronted, either with a cold "No." "No, what makes you think ....." Or by showing how
offended you are with a "I beg your pardon! Not all xxx people xxx, I find your [question, request] rude."

The other way would be for someone to take her aside and explain that in making these assumptions, or asking to touch people, she comes across as someone who thinks all these very fine people are freaks. And no one likes to be treated as though they are freaks.

Further explain that treating any human as though one fact about them is the sum total of who they are is rude.

That jumping on as inconsequential a matter as one's ancestry or birthplace, and making a big deal of it dehumanizes people, by suggesting that all people in an arbitrary group are identical.

Perhaps make an analogy to something you know to be untrue of her, but true of a group she belongs to -- "You are a white American; does that mean you love bowling?" or whatever.

Perhaps first use method 2, and explain all of what I (and others who've responded) have said, and then encourage future victims to use method 1 above.

And good luck. (One wonders what rock she's been living under all this time to be so unclear on the concept.)

She needs to leave her pre-conceptions at the door (better still, flush them where they belong).

May I repeat, ewwwww!

Answer 4

Have your members redirect her questions to herself. I can understand the thrill of speaking to others from different cultures but if she isn't using restraint or sensitivity to your group then she needs to be corrected or she will keep doing it. It is one thing to ask if someone can touch your hair. It is another thing to have someone rake their hands through your hair--this is a stranger!!!

When she asks a question that is a stereotype of generalisations just flip it on her. Put the spot light on her for her to get the hint or just flat out tell all the group members to set up their borders and when she crosses then tell them to tell her "I am sorry but I am not comfortable with that'" or "I don't dance, sew, cook, wash like that. What about you?"

Don't be the zoo animals anymore. Be the lion tamers.

Answer 5

When I was pregnant, strangers wanted touch my belly and ask all kinds of rude questions ("Was it planned?"). I'm going to assume that this person, like the strangers in the grocery store, isn't meaning to be rude but is just so curious that she is acting really inappropriately.

If a stranger asked to touch my belly, I'd say "Can I touch yours?" Why don't you try something similar. If it doesn't work, just come out and tell her she's being rude. You're doing her a favor.

Answer 6

Maybe she is truelly just curious, sounds creepy to me too but also like she was raised in a tiny, undiverse place. It doesn't matter your race or culture- people don't really like others in their "space", that's the real problem. Why is everyone not saying anything? No need to be rude, but if someone wanted to stroke my hair I'd react with a grimace and say something silly like"too dangerous-you go first, then laugh and say no thank you.

Answer 7

How about it you:

-- when she is touching your hair, step away and say, "Please, I really don't like being patted"
-- when she asks if you eat rice for every meal, say, "No. Do you?"
-- when she asks you to teach her the Latin dance say, "Oh, I would love to but I don't know how!"

If she isn't meaning to treat you like zoo creatures, and you know this, why are you being so offended by it? Live and let live... isn't it diverse of the rest of you to put up with a boor?

Answer 8

You handle rude people by being rude (I call it being honest). This idiot is taking political correctness to new lows...isn't the point of diversity to be treated like everyone else? What does hair texture, skin tone or breakfast food have to do with being a regular person? I, for one, will insult ANYONE regardless of race, culture or any damn thing else I feel like. Handle it or get out of my way. We are all part of the 'human' race for God's sake.

Answer 9

ok, my little blossom, try this: whatever cultural or ethnic background she hails from MUST be complimented and it is VITAL that this proud heritage be recognized and, most importantly, condesended to. For example, my dumpling, if this woman is of say, (I'll pick mine) Irish descent, pick a day in honor of these great people by dressing as dirty, ignorant, immigrant potato heads, of course, don't forget to appear drunk as to make her as comfortable as possible. Engage in tacky Irish song, (you know, Oh Danny Boy) ask her to lead in the singing, make sure to remember to dress the smallest girl like a Leprechaun, gotta have one of those, and to top off the evening start a fistfight. all the while, ask her embarassing condesending questions like, "are all the men in Ireland alcoholic shepherds? make sure to be sincere, as to not bruise her fragile nature. Got the idea?? Sorry, we don't have time to go thru all 246 possible countries of origin, you'll have to pull that one out of her yourself. If you forego this simple solution, you may go and whine somewhere else. Have a nice day, and good luck, R

Answer 10

simply put if I was the one doing the offending I would want someone to tell me that I was offending them in an honest but not rude way. Some people just don't know when they have come off that way. you need to tell her that while you value her desire to know more about other people's cultures that she is going about it in the wrong way. Some people are just very touchy feely and very curious by nature and have no clue that they are actually taking things too far. someone should tell her that she trusts.

good luck.