I have an anger issue?

Question

Hi, I know that I have an anger issue. Over the years, I have taught myself how to control it, but every once in a while, it slips out and I feel really guilty about it. The other day, I got a little annoyed and kind of snapped at my boyfriend. I have screwed up relationships in the past with my anger and I do NOT want to do this to him, I love him more than anything and I dont want to hurt him. I have been to counseling and it didnt help me at all. Ive helped myself more than anything else. I know that I will get angry on occasion, but it should be rare. Should I talk to him about my anger issues and explain that its not him and Im doing my best? I have a hard time admitting that Im an angry person. I try to hide it, so when I do get angry, its so hard to apologize even though I really am sorry. The guilt of snapping is so overwhealming. My father was angry and abusive (and a child molester) and I when I see him in myself, it hurts so much. Help!

i guess I forgot to mention, my father didnt molest -me-, he molested his girlfriends kids. I was the one that made sure he got put in jail for it.

Answer 1

Wow, that's a lot of baggage you're carrying around! I applaud you for recognizing that you have issues........it's the first step toward remedying that . I'd say if you're comfortable discussing this with the boyfriend, then do it..........my guess is that he already knows you have anger issues. And don't give up on the counselling.........sometimes it takes some trial-and-error to find the right one. Good luck to you and my best wishes for success!

Answer 2

Keep looking for help. It sounds like you have come a long way and you know you have this issue, thats an accomplishment in its self! Its very important to find the right counseler. It takes A LOT of work to overcome this kind of deep issue. It helps if you kind of dive in and get all the help you can. You might try reading some books about overcoming anger issues. Don't expect anyone to have all the answers, but put to use the things that help you, from many sources.

Answer 3

The liver is the seat of anger, according to Ayurveda. If your liver is overburdened then it can make you very irritable. There are simple and easy methods of relieving the liver of toxins. Exercise relieves the liver because it gets all the lymph glands working, increases oxygen intake, and stimulates elimination. Drinking a cup of water, is, surprisingly cooling and cleansing to the liver. You can do this the instant you are angry. (My Gurudev has recommended this to some people) Heavy foods like red meat, cow, pig etc, burden the liver and the whole elimination system. Anything toxic or difficult to digest can burden the liver. Walking is extremely stress relieving and calming. It is a great exercise for the mind, and body. Martial arts is also helpful. Too much anger can make you sick. This is a very important question and an intelligent question! If we had less anger, we would have more peace!

Answer 4

You have a good reason for being angry, however, you need to deal with it. Seek some professional help, there are counselors who are specialists in women and men with child hood trauma issues such as sexual abuse. What you have gone through has given you this vented up anger. Please seek some counseling, professional counselors go into this field because they want to assist people by giving them the tools to get better. Not to judge. So please do yourself a Hugh favor and seek some counseling. If you are unable to pay for counseling you can contact a local rape crisis center, domestic violence agency in your area and they should be able to direct you to some help. You are half way there you have admitted you have an issue, so the hard part is over, now do something for yourself and get some counseling and you will begin to feel like a stronger and better person. Good luck and God bless you. I will be praying for you. Just so you know they are bound by laws of confidentiality and are not allowed to discuss what is disclosed by you to anyone, please seek some assistance with this.

Answer 5

Wow, I don't know why but reading your question really brought alot of different feelings. First, it is very good that you admitted that you have a problem with anger. That means you recognize you have one. Anger is nothing but rotten feelings inside of you that are just festering inside of you. You have clearly identified those feelings..... your father being abusive, angry, and a molester, whether it be you or someone else. You have kept alot of feelings inside that need to get out. When someone holds these types of feelings, things that have been done to them, unforgiveness, these all come out in anger as we have not dealt with them in an appropriate way. You need professional counseling to talk these things out, its going to take a while, but it can be done. You need to train yourself to redirect your anger. ONe thing that has always been told is to write your feelings down on a piece of paper when you feel you are getting angry and describe how you feel, what you would like to do. This can be helpful for some, for some its not enough. But I urge you to get counseling, holding in anger,is not good, you can damage relationships, not hold jobs, be inconsistent in your life, and worse all for your health, you can get ulcers, high blood pressure, stomache problems, etc. Best of luck to you.

Answer 6

It really happens so with any angry person. After the disturb moment one will sorry for their behavior or the words uttered in a angry mood. It is also natural for a person of your temperement as you have described yourself not to apologize even though you feel sorry. Control yourself lest you may loose your friend. The guilt of snapping tie is deterent to your angry mood. A part of your problem may be because of the unfortunate circumstances under which you were brough up.

Answer 7

Talking to your boyfriend may help, I'm not an angery person so I can't come up with the most wonderful answer on this, but I don't think counseling will help. You have to try and clam yourself down, Maybe try and find out where all the real anger is comming from. Maybe you father has something to do with it? You must realise that you atre yourself and noone else, only you can take control.

Answer 8

You know what you need to do....you've already taken some steps, and the therapy obviously did help as you applied what you learned to partially control your anger response. But there is more to it than that, you need to dig deeper into the cause of your anger. Suggest if you didn't feel your therapist was helping you enough, you find another and keep looking til you get the help you need. Suppressing your anger only works short term.

Answer 9

You said you have a hard time admitting you're angry and try to hide it. Do you always feel others will listen to you? Just communicate more. Talk to others in the way you'd want to be talked to. You can be assertive without being aggressive and hurtful. Get a different counselor if need be.

Answer 10

Work out more often. It will keep the stress level down so that you don't boil over. When you work out, you can release alot of pressure pent up. Also, try to just write in your journal about things that make you angry. When you aren't so angry, take a look at them. See how much pain you avoided by blowing up.