Ex-Wife continues to have relationship with former family after being told by the ex-husband not too.?

Question

She continues to buy her way in or keep her way in by doing elaborate things like throw a bridal shower for her former sister in law and not invite me to it. The ex-wife continues to give my boyfriends sister gifts from the divorce that once belonged to them. Boyfriends sister will lie about where the items came from to spare me or him any hurt feelings. Is this normal behavior, or is this something to look forward to in my relationship with him. I have told her to back off and my boyfriend has told her when you divorce you also divorce the family. She doesnt seem to get a clue. I have to attend the sisters wedding this weekend and I am feeling very uncomfortable because the ex is going to be there. In case your wondering yes, there is a child but the child is not a factor in this. She investigates what I do or where I am working, and tries to kill me with kindness, by calling me hun on the phone. I have told her I I feel about her numerous times. Do I go to the wedding????

Answer 1

Yes you go to the wedding. And remember you shouldn't be worrying about her...she should be worrying about you. As long as your boyfriend is by YOUR side why worry. It is a power play. Don't give her the power.

Answer 2

Well she's obviously going to be at the wedding because the sister invited her. So that should tell you that she will probably be around forever. Its not true that once you divorce you divorce the entire family. Especially not when there is a child. His parents will forever be her kids grandparents and so on. You have to make a choice. Your either going to learn to live with her or your going to leave. If I was you I would go to the wedding but I would not date a man who has children for this exact reason.

Answer 3

I agree with libra, this is between her and the individual members of his family. She might have developed close relationships with them while they were together, and for him to force her to cut them off doesn't seem fair. It's not his right to do that. Think of it this way: if he had a child before they got married, and then they were married for a while with her acting as the child's step-parent, you wouldn't expect the step-parent to cut off all contact with the child after getting divorced, right? This would be damaging to the child and painful for both people.

Go to the wedding if you care about the bride and/or groom. Don't consider anyone else. Continue to express your boundaries with her and don't play the "hun" game with her. Speak firmly and clearly when you're alone with her. Eventually she will get the hint, but you can't control her relationships with others.

Answer 4

There is a child involved?
Hate to break it to you sister but that child is the niece/nephew of the sister, the grandchild of your boyfriends mom and dad and otherwise the blood of it's mother which makes her a permanent part of the family, your boyfriends family is likely more than grateful that this woman is nice and reasonable so that they can see their Young family member happily.
To answer your question, yes this is what you have to look forward to, if you do not have the confidence to deal with this situation, move on.

Answer 5

Dear Sister... why am i calling you sister, you'll understand by the end of this answer!
You are a desired person of your boy friend, and he looks at you as the only hope to mend his broken hopes in the earlier marriage. Right now he loves you so much and he claims only you are his everything.

But... It was the similar story when he was with his ex-wife at the beginning. Later on the conflicts came in their marriage, and they broke and divorced.

Now you are a replacement of a dis-functional wife to make your marriage functional with your new husband. You are supposed to be the best (i mean better than his ex) You are supposed to be loving, kind, excel in wining the favor of his family.

Here comes the ex-wife, everyone in his family thinks she is good. Your boy friend hates her, and you hate her too. There is a reason why your boy friend hates her. But what did she do to provoke your hatered? Just because you love your boy friend, should you hate his ex? Just put yourself in her sheos for a few minutes you'll figure it out.

She is unloved by her ex-husband, abandoned, divorced, disgraced. Yet, she comes across with interests for a family of a man who did not love her. She shows her kindness. She calls you honey.. and knows you are going to take away her ex-husband for ever from her life. Still she has respects for you. She is willing to let go of all the insults you and your boyfriend heaps on her. May be, she still loves him. She doesn't have anyone who can mend him back to her husband who thinks everything is over with her.

How long would it take for something like this to happen to you? If you were in her place what would you do? Does this poor woman deserves the hate you heaping on her? Is your love for your boy friend makes you hate some one who could have been innocent? (I am not saying she is innocent - but there can be chances that she didn't deserve the hate either you or your boy friend show her)

If you don't go to the marriage, if you insult her, if you try to push her away from the lives of your boy friends family members, do you think you will be considered good? Would any one do bad for good? If they do what would you call them?

If she had been your own sister, who was unjustly divorced by a ruthless man, would you not have your heart melt for her?

Now my sister, look at your self and ask yourself are you doing justice...?

I know love is blind, it can't see anything more than the love. But, there are more noble "love"s in the world like motherhood. You also said something about a child from the marriage. Now that makes two lives and two hearts that are going to be permanantly hurt because of the decisions you are going to make.

If I were you, I'd try and help the hurting man and the hurting woman reconsile.

Should you do it at your loss?

If your loss can be someone's gain, and if you can make them happy for the rest of their lives, what more can be noble? Should we do good only when we are appreciated or awarded with praise? If God is ever watching your life, would he not appreciate and provide you with best things in life...

You may ask what about my life then? Well I don't have an answer for that. But I believe, when you sacrifice, you'll be richly rewarded by someone we don't see with our eyes.

I know you can consider these things... after all you can make our world a better place!!!

Answer 6

Well, if his family still wants a relationship with her, then there is nothing you can do about it. They seem to like her, and if they're inviting her to weddings, and accepting gifts from her, then you are just going to have to suck it up. If there is a child involved, then she is always going to be in the picture. Go to the events, but avoid her like the plague. For the sake of the child, please try to be civil, and act like adults.

Answer 7

why do u feel that insecured about all this. may be ure boy freinds ex has relation with her ex in law family members on a personal level. may she is just trying to be secured of herself being around her ex in laws family. just try to step in her shoes and figure out what r her intentions and what coould be her issues.